Back and Forth

[MsGrim]

Hey everyone! Its been a while since I've been on here since I have been facing some pretty hard times this past month. My ex and I broke up mid December but we eventually started talking again 3 weeks later and decided to give it another shot... this lasted for about 4 days. I became jealous over something so insignificant and he backed out and said we shouldn't do this. There was no big fight leading up to this but we went into no contact for 9 days.

I was okay last week, yes it hurt but I was getting by. Monday rolls around and I was distraught all day and that spilled over into Tuesday. All day yesterday I had a pulling at my heart, something was wrong. I typed up a message or two to him but I never sent them. To my surprise he messaged me later on that night and apologized for how he reacted to my pretty normal emotions. Mind you, I didn't start a fight with him when I had gotten jealous and I didn't confront him, he had just found out about it through a 3rd party. He had told me that he too was feeling okay last week but had broken down on Monday and was feeling terrible about everything. We ended up talking for 3 hours last night about what had happened. I apologized for being jealous and he apologized for his reaction to that and we promised each other to approach this situation in a different way if it were to ever happen again.

Has anyone ever experienced rough waters like this in your relationship? I love him to pieces and I know he loves me. Communication has never been an issue for us outside of this little hiccup.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I am so pleased to hear that you guys are talking again.
It is tough when things get rough.
Things were very tense for us too recently, and we kept arguing. Previously we'd rarely argue, maybe once every 4-6 months or something. Then we were arguing every week, and it took it's toll. We both apologised and explained our sides of the situation and said it wasn't really about one another, but the situation we find ourselves in.
I ended up agreeing to stop asking when I could visit, as that was the catalyst for our arguments. Since I did that, we have been much better. Things still aren't 100%, but they are so much better now we're not arguing over and over.
I guess the major downside is you can't hug each other after an argument online. Cos sometimes that is all that's needed to reset the emotions. At least that is what I have found.

[MsGrim]

Thanks, it kind of feels surreal if I'm being honest, Ive missed him so much It was definitely a rough patch for us but at least now I know that we can overcome anything. I guess the further you get into the relationship the more "real life" comes into play. I've never done long distance before so I dont have any experience on how to handle arguments with so much distance between the two of us. All I know now is that I want to see him again even more so now, and yes, give him a big, long, drawn out hug.

I'm glad the two of you are working on things as well. It's not easy but "love conquers all" lol

[vivid_idea]

Oh MsGrim, I definitely relate to what you wrote. My SO and I are up and down constantly. I know the distance exacerbates it. I find now that where he used to go silent on me when he was upset or I would go cold, we now can acknowledge what happened with each other and offer an “e-hug”. It definitely doesn’t help that we are unable to have a real hug with our SOs in these moments to diffuse the tension.

Tonight I said to him that even when we argue, it doesn’t change my feelings for him, and he told me same same and thanked me.

I think still being able to be a little bit affectionate with each other, even when you are feeling frustrated and angry, really helps. To do this we have to swallow our ego a little, which is not easy.

I hope you have smooth sailing from hereon!