Controlling bf

[Junglebook]

Hi guys!

I am in this LDR for over 6 months now and I now find out that my boyfriend is so insecure!
And that makes him so jealous and not trusting.
He basically just told me that when we go out I am not aloud to dance salsa with other guys.
And he doesn’t want me to meet up with friends when I am there.

Is there someone who experienced the same thing?
What did you do? Did it change after a while?
I can not live isolated and controlled.
He needs to trust me. I know it’s difficult for him but he can’t control me!

[Michelle]

Never let someone control you and isolate you from your friends. Do your best to reassure him that he does not need to worry about you cheating and hopefully you can ease his worries and he is just feeling a little insecure. If he still insists that you cannot go out and have fun and gets angry and upset when you do, these are red flags of someone with an abusive personality and you should 100% steer clear of him.

[Junglebook]

We talked, he was angry! He said; it’s part of my culture (his culture is based on the Islamic religion).
I can understand that he doesn’t want me to meet up with man when he is not around, I can live with that.
I am still not sure if he is okay with me meeting up with female friends.
In 2 weeks I am going to see him so maybe that’s a better time to talk about it..
I really hope that he can understand my point of view on it, cause I love him so much.
But I won’t stay with someone who is this controlling..

[applescruff]

Yes, don't stop living your life just because he is insecure. You can reassure him the best you can, but ultimately that's a problem he needs to work on and I hope somehow that you can make him understand. If he insists you abide by his "cultural beliefs" then you know what you have to do. Good luck.

[Junglebook]

He doesn’t look at it as his problem. It’s part of his culture and so I have to adapt.
But having friends is only healthy in my opinion. He is not going to stay home every day, I am really sure about that.
Tomorrow I am going to see him again after 6 months and I am so nervous.
I don’t know what to expect but I really hope we can work things out.
Fingers crossed!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I'm wondering if a compromise could be struck. If you said you'd still see your male friends, but only in a mixed group. That way you still can hang out with your friends, and he hopefully gets reassurance from that.
But if he's absolute and won't budge, it's up to you to decide where you go from there.
I've had ex's who didn't like that I had male friends, but it didn't stop me. I never compromised, but they didn't leave me over it.

Good luck.

[xxcazaxx]

His insecurity is his problem and something that he will need to work on. That might well be his culture, but you have your culture too and it can't be that only one person's culture is respected.

[Junglebook]

So here’s an update from my side: I am with bf now for 1,5 weeks.
I first didn’t start the conversation about this since my parents were here too and I didn’t want them to be involved in this problem.
Yesterday we talked about it and it wasn’t easy since bf isn’t a great communicator.
We made some good compromises we both can live with.

I told him that I don’t allow him to choose my friends since I won’t do that for him too.
And that I need friends and the freedom to hangout with them since it’s only healthy.
He could understand my point of view on it.
I told him that it was never my intention to hangout with my male friends one on one.
And that he is more then welcome to join me when I meet up with them of my female friends.
But when I want to go out for dinner or a drink with my female friends alone he has to accept it.
He is oke with that, which I never thought would happen.
So I am really glad we worked this out!