12 weeks of limited contact

[MsGrim]

My SO is a med student and is approaching his last rotation (surgery) in 2 weeks and will be in there for 12 weeks. He has been talking to other students who have already completed this rotation at the hospital he has signed up with and they have been saying how extremely difficult its going to be... we're talking like 14-16 hour days.

He signed up for this hospital way before him and I met and now he wants to change to a less demanding hospital, but a contract has already been signed between his school and this hospital so there is no chance in changing it. There have been plenty of days where and him and I aren't really able to talk while he has his head buried in studies, and I am okay with that, I am patient with him, and his biggest fan/supporter.

I guess I am just nervous to go through this period with him. We haven't seen each other since mid December and its the longest we have been without a visit. I am honestly not sure if we will be able to meet up during this rotation or even before since he only has 2 days between his current rotation and surgery, so there is no visit planned at this moment. He already hates it where hes at and is wanting to go back to the area he was in before, which is closer to me so I wouldn't mind, I just dont want him to become more stressed than he already is. I will remain patient and supportive of him but I know we aren't going to be able to talk much in these next 12 weeks and it hurts a bit.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I can relate to this a fair amount, although we've never been in that type of scenario before. Me and my guy are nearing a year since we first met (which has been our only visit), and to date we still have no next visit planned. It is so disheartening and frustrating, but at least you can take comfort in two things:
1) He would get out of it if he could, and
2) It's a defined period of time, so you know when it will end.

I have asked my guy to name a month for me, and he hasn't yet.

[MsGrim]

I guess I'm just worried about his stress level in all of this. As you know, him and I just made it through a rough patch and this gap we're in now was one of his driving points in our break up. I can see the other side of this, he will hopefully be moving closer to do his next step and visits will go back to being regular after these 12 weeks.. but I dont know if he will be able to maintain this relationship whilst dealing with all of the stress from this upcoming rotation. I'm definitely not asking for all of his attention, I know he needs to study.. but I don't want him to be worried about the state of our relationship and decide to end things if it becomes too much for him.

I hope you two can figure out a date soon! I know being without each other for so long is a terrible feeling, I couldn't imagine not seeing him for almost a year!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I find my guy struggles when he's stressed too. I think that's why my last planned visit felt too much. He was struggling with his own problems at the time, so dealing with my visit, which meant a ton of driving in winter was just too much to manage.

[MsGrim]

We briefly talked about this last night. Unfortunately, he's ran into even more complications with this school stuff since this post which is adding even more stress on my babe What I would do to be with him right now, I've been supportive as much as I can and did my best to put him a better mood which I think helped a bit as he seems to be feeling a little better this morning. Anyways, I think we will be okay, as he said last night "always knew this would be hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything" speaking on our current gap/relationship.

He's currently trying to change hospitals to move this surgery rotation from 12 to 8 weeks but that will possibly take him across the country 8 weeks is better than 12, I suppose. I can't wait for him to begin his next step which is less demanding on him, I hate seeing him so stressed out.

Are you still moving forward with the wedding planning? I bet that's very exciting!!!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Honestly, I have no idea what's happening or not anymore. He doesn't seem to want to talk about the wedding, so I will assume that means no. I told him I understand if he doesn't want to close the distance that way, and he can look for work in England. Then he mentioned not being able to travel there, which inevitably brought us back to him needing a passport. But as PayPal is being funny with me, I am wary to send him money through it.

[MsGrim]

Do you think he would travel if the passport wasn't an issue? Is there any other way to send him some money? I don't really use PayPal but I have before with no issues.

Is the final plan for him to move to you or are you willing to come to the US? Seems like hes fighting some of his demons, I hope all works out well for you.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

It sounds like it, as I know he hates where he lives now. I have given him a few plusses of being in England already. He has a fear of heights, which makes him a nervous flyer. So that will be another thing to tackle. I have said I would fly with him the first time to help him feel more at ease, but I can picture him being doubly anxious as he can't smoke. That is another challenge I have to look forward to.
He's moving to me as he wants out of Snowflake, and he couldn't fund a visa for me anyway. I'm not a fan of moving out there, but it may happen. I have back up plans of Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland if he really doesn't like England though.

[MsGrim]

Maybe during his flight he can grab some nicotine gum or something along those lines? Flying with him sounds like a good idea! That should help him be more at ease. I remember when I had to fly with my mom, it was her 1st time. She swore she would never get on a plane but those plans were squashed when my brother moved to the other side of the country. I just grabbed her a few nice magazines and kept reassuring her the entire time, now shes a pro and goes alone for the most part.

Funny, I have some family friends in Snowflake! I've never been out there, though. As long as you two can agree on something and are together then it should be fine!!!

[vivid_idea]

Hi MissGrim, just wanted to say I know it is tough, but 12 (or 8) weeks will fly by!

[MsGrim]

Hi MissGrim, just wanted to say I know it is tough, but 12 (or 8) weeks will fly by!

Thanks! This is his last week before he will move on to that rotation. We aren't looking forward to it but I think we will both be fine. Especially if we can get in a visit after he's done! That's what I'm really looking forward to lol

[MsGrim]

Update: He is unable to change his rotation so 12 weeks it is. Also, his next step we were hoping to get him back in GA (closer to me) but instead he is going to Brooklyn, which is an extra hour on top of the current distance. I am a little upset seeing as this is putting more strain on our timeline to see each other, whenever that may be. Fingers crossed that he WILL be able to transfer closer in July.

[xxcazaxx]

I am a nurse and would say that there are different ways of looking at things. So the surgical rotation is going to be somewhere busy. He could see it as a great opportunity for him to get great experience and exposure to things that he might not somewhere quieter. As much as it doesn't make it right, 14-16 hour days are also not uncommon in the medical profession either. 3 months will also fly in.

[MsGrim]

Oh I know it's not uncommon, we just haven't been through demanding days such as this yet. I am excited for him since he is looking to specialize in cardio but I also know how he gets when he is really stressed. I want to make sure I do everything that I can to not add any more stress on top of this. Thanks for your comment!