the bad parts of a LDR for me

[ashleyred0520]

I just came back from visiting him after over a month and I feel lost. It's been a few days and I cry a lot. I want to feel like my own person again because I am usually very independent and now I don't feel like it. I do suffer from very bad anxiety though and I overthink everything so that doesn't help either. I love him a lot and he loves me too and this is the first time I have ever been in love, but some days are so hard. We have been dating for less than a year but it just feels right so I hate that I overthink about him. One minute I am so in love, the next minute I am scared if we should break up eventually because my mental health is just fucked, as usual, and will probably turn him off anyways. I don't want us to end but I feel nervous that I will push him away eventually. He says he loves me and will help me with whatever I need to better my mental health, but what if I fuck it up? I will try to see him within the next 5 months (since we are over 4,000 miles apart) but it sucks. Only good thing is we are both from the same country (my dad is from there) so it actually feels good going there since I know the culture and language, etc. I was wondering if anybody has felt this way and if you have, what have you done to help yourself? I am going to go back to therapy and start yoga classes on Sunday so I hope I find something I enjoy. I hate that any man can make me feel this way, even if I do love him lol. Feeling weak sucks, especially if it's over love. We plan to start a life together soon, not like kids or marriage or anything that far yet, just us being together in the same area. Not in a rude way, I don't believe "you need to love yourself before you love anybody else". I truly believe you can work on yourself while loving someone else. I have very low self esteem, which again I am finding someone to help me work on it, but my boyfriend kind of has helped me feel better about myself, unlike any other guy. I still have a long way to go but I do feel like working on myself while having him by my side will be pretty cool. He's really sweet and overall just a great guy which surprises me because I usually like assholes. I know I will feel better soon, but waiting for it to happen sucks. I guess things don't happen for you, you have to really work for it.

[MsGrim]

Hello and welcome! First let me start by saying that this forum has been amazing for me in finding like minded people who can understand what you are going through. We all have our hard days, I had one yesterday actually, but I feel better waking up this morning. Sometimes you just have to push through them and keep it moving. One thing I have learned is to let your SO help you, let him be your backbone at times, and lean on him when you have those weak days. My SO is the kind of person that doesn't like to vent to other people, he will bottle it all up in a heart beat. Finally he's been confiding in me and venting to me, and then apologizing for it. Realistically I love that he has been opening up to me more, I love to be his rock because he is also mine. You just have to let your partner support you when you are feeling like this, I believe it makes your bond stronger to be able to fully trust in that person when you are feeling weak.

Try not to think about "what ifs" it doesn't help any situation, IMO. It's good that you are actively looking for ways to ease your mind, yoga has been helping me as well. There are a ton of things in question when it comes to my relationship but I've learned to just take it one day at a time and worry about tomorrow when it gets here. You can absolutely work on yourself while loving someone else, I'm not a big fan on the "love yourself first" saying either.

Remain positive, lean on your SO in times like these, push through the hard days because tomorrow can be better, and stay open with your feelings! You got this!!! Best of luck to you <3