When someone says you are wrong

[OhioJim]

A month ago I asked my SO if she could come here on Valentines day. She liked the idea. And I made the mistake of putting that on Facebook (was that really wrong?).

Now it is not possible for her to come tomorrow, and yesterday I made the mistake of putting that on Facebook. She says she wants to come, and hates it where she is at (Philippines). She just has a few more things to finish up.

Then last evening I got a phone call from my brother in law (I am a widower by the way) and he proceeded to lecture me that what I was doing is wrong, I am being scammed, I'm thinking with my ***** not my head. The devil has me, and I should break up with her and read the Bible. And my SO keeps coming up with excuses for delaying. (how could he know, I only put it on Facebook this one time).

This morning I got a text from him asking if I had broke it off yet. (I didn't reply)

All this, of course, really upset my SO.

He has done things like this before, when I was married to his sister, trying to tell me what to do. This time he doesn't know even 1% of what is going on. There are 100000 little things we have said to each other that tells me it is real.

When I was much younger I had a problem with intimidation, but have got over that. However his "lecture" brought back some of the anxiety.

How does he know that I am not reading my Bible and praying? Which I am. Every time I do that I ask God to lead me in the right direction. I am constantly analyzing our situation (SO says to relax and not think so much),

How do I deal with this?

[autumn1790]

It's your life. You decide how it is to be lived. Your faith is a personal relationship between you and God, and is not up for anyone else to critique. There's some sense to the idea that people treat you the way you let them; it sounds like your BIL has been degrading your choices and actions for years. Do you really need that negativity in your life?

If I were you, I would set very firm boundaries. Ie., This is my decision and I expect you to respect it. Set firm limits--this will be the result of your continued hostility toward me. Follow through on your word.

Life is too short for family drama.

I wish you all the very best!

[OhioJim]

Thank you autumn1790!

My thoughts exactly. I just needed the encouragement.

I should have mentioned the BIL lives 3 states away and I only see him 1 or 2 times a year on holidays. And my late wife and I have many times talked about him being an "armchair coach".

[Atlantic Crossroads]

There are plenty of people who don't believe in long distance relationships, but that is their thing, not ours. My ex therapist told me that my ldr wasn't romantic because we hadn't yet met. Ignorant people are often the ones telling others what's what from their narrow viewpoint. But they don't get to live your life, or call the shots, so stuff what they think. All that matters is what the two people in the relationship think. Everyone else is just white noise.

[Redheart14]

It’s you’re life not his, he’s not your parent and you’re not a child. Make your own decisions.

[xxcazaxx]

100% agree with the comments above. I hope that you can find the courage to remind your BIL that the choices you make in your life are your choices rather than his and that its you that lives with the consequences of each of the decisions that you make.

[OhioJim]

100% agree with the comments above. I hope that you can find the courage to remind your BIL that the choices you make in your life are your choices rather than his and that its you that lives with the consequences of each of the decisions that you make.

SO and I have decided to remain quiet and not say anything more to anyone, until we actually close the gap.