Upset at my gf for giving away my ticket. How to deal?

[ldrn]

Hey guys. My gf and I were talking over FaceTime one day and she wanted to go to a concert that is coming up in a couple of months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it so she said she’ll get me the ticket and if I find out later that I can’t make it, she’ll just sell my ticket. At the time I didn’t show toooo much interest in that concert but I still agreed to that because her siblings were going and I wanted to spend time with them all. And she knew I wasn’t too interested in it as well.

Fast forward to last week when I brought it up she said she gave my ticket to her friend because she thought I wasn’t too interested in the concert and her friend was a super fan. We had an argument the day before and I didn’t want to argue again so I told her it’s ok and I thought I was fine, but in fact I was not. I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to argue with her again. She offered to return her friend the money and stuff but I said nah it’s ok. But the reason I wasn’t ok was because she didn’t ask me before giving it to her friend and that made me upset

So now I asked her if it’s too late to give her friend the money back and give me the ticket because I realized I was going to be there in the city that week anyway. She asked her friend and her friend said that she really wanted to go. And my gf said “I take blame for giving it away but that doesn’t mean she(her friend) can’t go just because I screwed up”. I was like it’s ok I’ll just try to see if I can get a ticket to the concert.

I’m upset because she first didn’t ask me before giving away my ticket to her friend. And I’m also upset that she isn’t trying to make it up by offering to help me find a ticket. I’m also upset that she didn’t explicitly say “I’m sorry” but I’m not sure if her saying that she “takes the blame” is her way of apologizing.
I want to bring it up but I don’t want her to ask me why I didn’t mention all this before or why I’m bringing this up over and over again(because I’m not good at thinking on the spot and I figure out why after thinking about it) so how do I deal with this? I thought it wouldn’t bother me as much but it’s bothering me a lot.

[OhioJim]

Hasn't the concert been canceled?

[vivid_idea]

You need to tell her explicitly the reason you are upset. Tell her that it isn’t as much about the ticket as it is about her not communicating what she wanted to do and then going ahead with it anyway.

I can speak from personal experience that I would sometimes make decisions and take action before I had discussed what I was doing with my SO. We had some arguments about it where he would explain to me that we are a team and that we needed to talk about things openly together. I had to learn how to include him more.

Perhaps she doesn’t realise she needs to do this more and she would be willing if you can help her understand. My advice is to take some deep breaths and some time and when you feel calm tell her that you would like to talk about what happened and the SPECIFIC reason it bothered you because it doesn’t sound like it was truly about wanting to go to the concert.

Remind her that you are partners and team players and you want to feel included in her life and decision processing.

Good luck!

[lelyta]

Buuuut... You didn't show interest for the concert, why bothers now? Still a bit unfair for me for you to take a blame to your gf because she gave it to someone who apparently enthusiastic about the concert.

[snow]

Buuuut... You didn't show interest for the concert, why bothers now? Still a bit unfair for me for you to take a blame to your gf because she gave it to someone who apparently enthusiastic about the concert.

It was his ticket. It doesn't matter if he wasn't interested. She should have checked with him.

[inlovewithaviking]

I can imagine the tangled feelings you may be feeling right now. I personally think ldr requires you to exchange clearer opinions and care than in a normal relationships.

She could have probably talked to you about it and showed that she cares about you as much as her friend..

I would suggest telling her that you do constantly need to be shown that she cares about you as much as her friends in real life or something like that, just tell her how you want to be treated.

Once you do tell her, it's all up to how she changes.

You're doing it great. I hope she is too!

[ldrn]

Thanks for all your advice guys!

[Cottinball]

Dude that’s messed up, flat out.
I get why you’d wanna hold it after reconciling another argument, but you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings. The same way you’re trying to spare her feelings by avoiding an argument, I think it’s perfectly healthy to expect her to be worried about yours.
It’s also important to say how you have a difficult time to communicate, often times I don’t think my feelings are concrete but explaining what made me feel and when helps put things into perspective for both parties. If she shames you or blames you for ineffective communication after you try to make it work, it’s not worth it.
I would be really mad too if my partner didn’t stand up for me either, THE HECK