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She is going away for ~10 months, how to make this work?

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    #1

    She is going away for ~10 months, how to make this work?

    Slight background information - we have seen eachother 3 times or so and have in communication for ~3 months (she lives out of state). Due to the C-Virus we haven't had real date for a month or so. We have been exchanging texts and phone calls here and there to stay in touch.

    She recently found out that she will be working at her home country for up to 10 months and she can't get out of it even though she wants to.

    I do like her and i did offer some ideas like if she can fly back every 3 weeks we can spend time together (normal company policy but who knows during c-virus?). I also mentioned when the virus clears up I can visit her there and we can also meet up in another country for vacation which she says "we'll see, i will definitely be taking vacations within 10 months".

    I don't want to pressure her much or seem selfish for trying to "establish" anything but i feel something needs to be established before she leaves. With the quarantine i dont know if we can meet in person before then.. maybe i can send her off if possible.

    What can I do? I don't know if asking her if she wants to work it out is putting too much pressure on her but I feel not establishing anything is dangerous too... I know we only met couple of times but i just have a good feeling about her and don't want to abandon it especially she could potentially fly back here every few weeks.

    Any advice on what i can do to make her known i want to make this work?
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    #2
    Your profile says that one of you lives in China and the other in the US? I've never done it but I bet that flight is 12 hours or longer. Two days of vacation are burned up in transit...I'm not sure how realistic it is to expect visits every three weeks.

    It sounds like from your post that you guys haven't officially initiated a relationship. In my opinion, that would be the first step, because if she isn't committed to a relationship, there's no need to set rules for how this separation may pan out. Do you know how she feels about being exclusive?

    My husband and I have done long distance for over five years, so I can tell you from experience that ldrs can work! Perhaps not so much enjoyably, but doable! Best wishes!
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      #3
      Originally posted by autumn1790 View Post
      Your profile says that one of you lives in China and the other in the US? I've never done it but I bet that flight is 12 hours or longer. Two days of vacation are burned up in transit...I'm not sure how realistic it is to expect visits every three weeks.

      It sounds like from your post that you guys haven't officially initiated a relationship. In my opinion, that would be the first step, because if she isn't committed to a relationship, there's no need to set rules for how this separation may pan out. Do you know how she feels about being exclusive?

      My husband and I have done long distance for over five years, so I can tell you from experience that ldrs can work! Perhaps not so much enjoyably, but doable! Best wishes!
      sorry i didnt update that. we are both in US. She has been here for only 3 years though. We met via a dating website for more serious relationships (not your typical match/tinder sites littered with short term stuff).

      For the visit every 3 weeks, it is more due to her job so its going to happen even if she isn't dating anyone. I don't know the logistics behind it though, like you said, it would be weird if it is one day travel, stay 1 day in US then leave. I suspect it is more around a week total time.

      In terms of vacation, she likes to travel and if it is 10 months she will travel somewhere (with/without me) so i brought that up too.

      How should i initiate a relationship after meeting only couple of times and we can't even meet atm? we do text throughout the week and i try to do a call with her over the weekend. I am worried about asking her straightout not in person because it might give her more pressure in addition to the impending travel. But I would feel comfortable knowing this could go somewhere. It is definitely more comfortable knowing she wants to try this out instead of not at all. Of course if she's there for 10 months there could be competitions overseas BUT she does want to come back to US so chances are fewer...

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        #4
        If she's interested in YOU, there won't be any competition. And if there is, then you know her true feelings. My husband and I were long distance for many, many years. I'm sure you can do it, but only if you both want to. Ten months is a drop in the bucket. However, I am surprised her company is sending here there now. That doesn't seem very safe.
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        I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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          #5
          Originally posted by TaraMarie View Post
          If she's interested in YOU, there won't be any competition. And if there is, then you know her true feelings. My husband and I were long distance for many, many years. I'm sure you can do it, but only if you both want to. Ten months is a drop in the bucket. However, I am surprised her company is sending here there now. That doesn't seem very safe.
          How do I figure this out with her and gauge if shes interested in doing this? Ask her bluntly?

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            #6
            What do you have to lose? I wouldn't think you'd want to continuing pursuing a perhaps future relationship without knowing if she's in or out, only to find out down the road that she's not interested..
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              #7
              Originally posted by autumn1790 View Post
              What do you have to lose? I wouldn't think you'd want to continuing pursuing a perhaps future relationship without knowing if she's in or out, only to find out down the road that she's not interested..
              Right but how do I ask her before she leaves?

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                #8
                Be honest and open with her. Ask if she's open to try and maintain the connection you have. If you just want friendship, then say so. If you want a relationship, ask if she's interested.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by shaselai View Post
                  Right but how do I ask her before she leaves?
                  I don't know her or the connection you have... You know better how to go about it in your situation. Just initiating the conversation is usually the hardest, so pump yourself up and give it a go somehow I'm sorry, I just don't know exactly what's the best way for you to do it
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                    #10
                    Originally posted by shaselai View Post
                    Right but how do I ask her before she leaves?
                    My SO and I told each other several months ago that we would always be open and honest with each other.

                    That is essential in any successful relationship, and even more so in a LDR. Like I said before, in another thread, it is far better to go ahead and do something, even if it turns out to be the wrong thing, than to worry about it. Worry never solved any problems.

                    Go ahead and ask her! Stop worrying about it.

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