tired of being immature

[mynameiseric]

Every single time Amanda is with Christian (who best friend whom she has a past with blah blah), as ive posted before, every time she's with him, when we text or skype I act completely different.

Last night for example, I would give her one word answers, and just not really talk to her because I knew what she was doing and who she was with.

Am I the only one that would/does feel this way? Then after she got home, which was around 8:30 I think..we got on skype, we both said hey. and we didnt talk for another 2 or so hours, sitting there completely silent. She's not stupid, she knew I was upset. Then she made a comment about something she was looking at, we talked for a little bit, then we went to bed.

This happens every single time, and to say is bluntly, im tired of being an immature bitch that cant handle a friendship. Part of it is because I hate knowing she's spending time with another guy, and knowing she's having a good time with a guy thats not me, and another part is just that I still dont trust completely.

Do I think she's doing anything, no. But I've been hurt in my past when ive trusted before, including by amanda, which we've moved past. (not cheating) its just a hard pill to swallow knowing another guy is making my girlfriend smile and laugh and everything else. I hate feeling Im in competition with another guy..and I always feel like im losing

[lisaar910]

Wow that's a tough situation! I can't say that if I were in your shoes I could be as mature as you're being. I commend you for making a very difficult decision to better your relationship!

[mynameiseric]

oh im not being mature...I just wish I KNEW how to handle it..

[Caitlin2009]

im gonna be blunt about this so fair warning, your gonna have to understand that he's only a friend, thats all he will be from now on and she's allowed to have male friends since hell she is an adult, and unless you wanna push her completely out of your life just because you get jelous then keep doing what your doing, but i know you love her and instead of acting like that work on your feelings and trust that nothing is gonna happen

[Moon]

I think you're acting sorta normally, to tell the truth. That's a difficult situation you're in! I don't know how long you've been together, but it may be something that you can get used to in time, especially if you meet the guy first and he's OK. It's really hard to think about your SO spending time with another guy, when you miss her and wish it was you, but if you trust it's truly just a friendship, try to be glad she's got someone safe to spend time with. Remember that in an LDR it's vital to maintain your life outside of the relationship, including hanging out with your friends. An LDR can turn into a pathetic black hole of suck otherwise Try not to make her feel bad about it, it'll cause a lot of resentment to build up, which is hard to get back from. Sorry, I don't know what I can tell you to get to the point of being OK with it, just that you should try. I think acknowledging it's a problem on your part is pretty mature, and that you'll get this thing figured out.

[mynameiseric]

ive been with her for 4 almost 5 months....its just a hard situation. And I have met him, and he's just not the kind of guy I would hangout with. (buff, tan, drives a nice car, thinks hes the shit) anyway...I dont know how to deal with this because ive tried everything, its just not fair that all we can do is text and what not, when all he has to do is wake up, call her, and go see her. That should be me...its not fair

[noodle]

Exactly the same here with my bf ^^ I go nuts when girls are around him especially if it's his ex. I do always blame it on the female hormones tho lol which you cant >_>
but yea tell her that it just makes you crazy I did the same with my SO. And of course try to control yourself which is the most difficult of all but explain to her why you're like that when her friend is around and she will understand and help you with it

[elina]

I understand how you feel. Even though you know they're only friends and she wouldn't cheat on you, it's still a bit weird knowing she's spending time with another guy, having fun and all that. They're just friends, but it still feels weird when they're hanging out with someone of the opposite sex *shrug* I've felt that way, couldn't explain why and it's weird not knowing why you feel that way, especially if you trust your SO.

Have you talked to Amanda about this and how you feel? Has she said anything to you about all this? I don't really know what else to say, other than I hope things change and you'll stop feeling that way :/

[squiddie]

I think the fact that you acknowledge that you're being immature, and want to find a way to get over it is a very mature action in itself.

All relationships require work. Penn's jealous of some of my guy friends (including one who, in my buddy's own words, practically s***s glitter because he's so gay), but at the same point, he accepts that he just has to trust me with other men. And I've proven time and time again that he can trust me with them.

It's one of those things that just heals with time. You've only been together five months, that's still a baby relationship (and I mean "baby" as in "brand new", not as in "you guys are young")...it'll take time to work the kinks out.

If you feel yourself getting terse, I would suggest ending the conversation and doing something to cool your head--whatever makes you chill out: video games, reading, going for a run, etc. Don't force yourself to spend extra hours and hours of one-word answers, which will inevitably just enrage you more. I know you don't want to do it, because you and Amanda don't get to see each other all the time, but I think not talking is better than sitting on Skype and staring at each other in angry silence.

Of course it's hideously unfair that he gets to see her every day and you don't, but unfortunately that's what we all get when we sign on to the LDR life. But you have to keep something in mind: clearly there's something about you that, in Amanda's mind, makes you way better than her ex. Because even though she sees him every day, she's with you. She wants to be with you, and stays with you and stays true to you even though you're separated by such a huge distance. There's something in YOU, that she doesn't see in him, that is making her want to do this. So keep that in mind...and hey, if you want to feel a little smug and superior about it when her ex crosses your mind, I think it'd be okay.

[mynameiseric]

I do have trust issues...ill leave it at that. Yeah we talk about it a lot, we used to talk and argue about it alllll the time. We dont talk about it AS much, but it still comes up more then it should. She knows how I feel and that it tears me apart, but if they are only friends, there's really nothing she can do. its just hard..

[mynameiseric]

I think the fact that you acknowledge that you're being immature, and want to find a way to get over it is a very mature action in itself.

All relationships require work. Penn's jealous of some of my guy friends (including one who, in my buddy's own words, practically s***s glitter because he's so gay), but at the same point, he accepts that he just has to trust me with other men. And I've proven time and time again that he can trust me with them.

It's one of those things that just heals with time. You've only been together five months, that's still a baby relationship (and I mean "baby" as in "brand new", not as in "you guys are young")...it'll take time to work the kinks out.

If you feel yourself getting terse, I would suggest ending the conversation and doing something to cool your head--whatever makes you chill out: video games, reading, going for a run, etc. Don't force yourself to spend extra hours and hours of one-word answers, which will inevitably just enrage you more. I know you don't want to do it, because you and Amanda don't get to see each other all the time, but I think not talking is better than sitting on Skype and staring at each other in angry silence.

Of course it's hideously unfair that he gets to see her every day and you don't, but unfortunately that's what we all get when we sign on to the LDR life. But you have to keep something in mind: clearly there's something about you that, in Amanda's mind, makes you way better than her ex. Because even though she sees him every day, she's with you. She wants to be with you, and stays with you and stays true to you even though you're separated by such a huge distance. There's something in YOU, that she doesn't see in him, that is making her want to do this. So keep that in mind...and hey, if you want to feel a little smug and superior about it when her ex crosses your mind, I think it'd be okay.

The only thing I disagree with is not talking to her....if her and I aren't talking when they're together, im just more uncomfortable. I know she loves me and sees something in me or she wouldn't put herself through this either, im just really jealous that I dont get that time with her

[mynameiseric]

with my past, and the things that happend when we first started dating, make it veryyy hard for me to trust. And she does have other guy friends, but none that are as close to her as this one. they're neighbors, they have a past, he's a hugeeee flirt, they've cheated on 2 of his girlfriends and he's still dating the recent one, whenever he comes home or leaves its either "hey come with me, or hey im home, wanna hangout"? and ofcourse every single time her and I are skyping, so as soon as I hear his ringtone I get pissed.

It just upsets me that basically his entire life revolves around amanda, when his girlfriend lives like an hour and a half away (he works at her beach). Im just very insecure about their relationship...and I dont know how to get over it. Well I do...but its wayyyyy easier said then done.

[Tabitha]

My SO acts this way to an extent. I have a lot of male friends. They've never been anything more than friends, and my SO knows this. He's met a lot of them. If I spend a lot of time with them, he gets a little short and sometimes a little down. It just takes us getting online and seeing each others faces to get over it though.

[mynameiseric]

I wish it was as easy as just getting online...its just awkward. it just hurts that im not with her, and everytime I turn around shes spending time with another guy

[Karringtyn]

I am going to be blunt. Only because I have been there and this is how I am.

First of all. Eric how you are really trying to reach out for help through this...IS mature. You acknowledge that you are doing something that is putting a strain on the relationship and that you truly do need to trust her.

I have lots of guy friends. But I don't spend a lot of time with them now. Chalk that up to my old age and the fact I have three kids...but I don't "hang" with any of them.

Does she know just how DEEP this hurts you?

Amanda is not your exes that have hurt you. Repeat that over and over.

You have a beautiful woman who loves you. YOU ERIC.

Past doesn't always repeat.

But how we act today can CAUSE things to turn out the way we were afraid they would.

Repeat that.

HOW WE ACT TODAY CAN CAUSE THINGS TO TURN OUT THE WAY WE WERE AFRAID THEY WOULD.

Either you learn to accept the fact that she has friends, male or female, will be doing things with them, and right now you are LDR. You don't want her sitting home missing you do you? That's no life and I am sure you don't want that for her.


You are at a crossroads my friend....either you really think about your actions and let go of the past and take a different path....or stay on this one...that thinks you will be cheated on and hurt...

It's a step out in faith.

A very hard one. I am much older than you and it took me years to choose the right path.