Hello everyone!
Just like a lot of you, of us, Covid-19 has impacted our lives and plans with our SOs.
My man and I have just celebrated our 1st year anniversary a couple of days ago, and him not being with me has been tough. We last saw each other at the end of January and we should have been back together mid June... But with the travel bans, not only we were not able to meet as planned, after almost 6 months, but we have no idea how and when we will be able to see each other again. I'm wishing really hard by December, we will have a small window to make it happen, but i am struggling with finding optimism (i myself had the virus, my sister too as well as my mother who had to go in intensive care - and sad to see so many people not taking the disease seriously - anyway).
And since we should have celebrated our 1st year together, but couldn't, i decided to send him a package with small gifts among which was a tshirt i wore for a few days before sending it (so he would have my smell on it). He received it a couple of days ago and since then... i dont know. Seing his heartwarming reaction to it, and the sweetness of witnessing this, while apart, through a videocall, deep down broke me a little. I should have felt super happy, which i still was and am that i could make him happy too, but it hit me hard. Maybe it's just a phase and in a few days i'll be brand new positive but... It made me think a lot.
It made me think about the fact that we didn't have any certainty, any date to look forward to, and with our students schedules, either we see each other this winter (2020) or not before Summer 2021. Which is too far for me now. I'm scared of having to wait a whole year, in the best course of events, or a year and a half. And i know for some people, it can be perfectly doable, but for us, physical people, who desesperatly need each other's presence and the reality of the other's body... it's hard.
So here i am, thinking even further away, to this time when we will finally close the distance, right? But i can't even do that cause i know for certain i still have 2 years of studies in France (if everything goes according to plan) and same for him. But then... it is the big unknown. He has tried multiple times asking me if i want to stay in France, move abroad, and in both cases i'd be very happy. I just need right now to be with him, and same for him.
But the thing is, this is my first ever relationship. I've never been with anybody else before and i am being a bit overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to build a healthy and balanced relationship, finding my place as a girlfriend all while trying to build future plans (such as closing the distance, marriage, children..) with him.
And i am at the point where his absence brings all the doubts back: what if when we close the distance, it doesn't end up well? what if we can't make it to next winter? to summer 2021? what if i'm not enough of a girlfriend for him?
I know this post is a bit messy, and maybe it doesn't have its place here, i don't know. But i needed to share my feelings with you guys, knowing that you share or shared maybe similar feelings and even maybe, would have answers or advice.
I feel a bit stupid tbh to overreact like this because seeing him so pleased and in love with my customised t-shirt made my heartache.
Thanks for the ones who will take the time to read this nonsense
Just like a lot of you, of us, Covid-19 has impacted our lives and plans with our SOs.
My man and I have just celebrated our 1st year anniversary a couple of days ago, and him not being with me has been tough. We last saw each other at the end of January and we should have been back together mid June... But with the travel bans, not only we were not able to meet as planned, after almost 6 months, but we have no idea how and when we will be able to see each other again. I'm wishing really hard by December, we will have a small window to make it happen, but i am struggling with finding optimism (i myself had the virus, my sister too as well as my mother who had to go in intensive care - and sad to see so many people not taking the disease seriously - anyway).
And since we should have celebrated our 1st year together, but couldn't, i decided to send him a package with small gifts among which was a tshirt i wore for a few days before sending it (so he would have my smell on it). He received it a couple of days ago and since then... i dont know. Seing his heartwarming reaction to it, and the sweetness of witnessing this, while apart, through a videocall, deep down broke me a little. I should have felt super happy, which i still was and am that i could make him happy too, but it hit me hard. Maybe it's just a phase and in a few days i'll be brand new positive but... It made me think a lot.
It made me think about the fact that we didn't have any certainty, any date to look forward to, and with our students schedules, either we see each other this winter (2020) or not before Summer 2021. Which is too far for me now. I'm scared of having to wait a whole year, in the best course of events, or a year and a half. And i know for some people, it can be perfectly doable, but for us, physical people, who desesperatly need each other's presence and the reality of the other's body... it's hard.
So here i am, thinking even further away, to this time when we will finally close the distance, right? But i can't even do that cause i know for certain i still have 2 years of studies in France (if everything goes according to plan) and same for him. But then... it is the big unknown. He has tried multiple times asking me if i want to stay in France, move abroad, and in both cases i'd be very happy. I just need right now to be with him, and same for him.
But the thing is, this is my first ever relationship. I've never been with anybody else before and i am being a bit overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to build a healthy and balanced relationship, finding my place as a girlfriend all while trying to build future plans (such as closing the distance, marriage, children..) with him.
And i am at the point where his absence brings all the doubts back: what if when we close the distance, it doesn't end up well? what if we can't make it to next winter? to summer 2021? what if i'm not enough of a girlfriend for him?
I know this post is a bit messy, and maybe it doesn't have its place here, i don't know. But i needed to share my feelings with you guys, knowing that you share or shared maybe similar feelings and even maybe, would have answers or advice.
I feel a bit stupid tbh to overreact like this because seeing him so pleased and in love with my customised t-shirt made my heartache.
Thanks for the ones who will take the time to read this nonsense
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