I have been reading stories on here and like many others the COVID has wreaked so much havok on my long distance relationship at the absolutley worst time.
We were not a long relationship before Covid had set in. We had only had about 4 months of face time. we met when he was doing a student semester abroad in NYC last July. We spent that semester together and then we hit it off so well the would be fling became a full blown long distance relationship. He lives very very far from me. I am in NYC and he is in Hong Kong. Since his semester he flew back to see me again a month later and two months after that we spent 10 days together in Malta.
We had planned to have about two-three more visits and then he was going to move in with my of August this year. We didn't want to be in a long term long distance relationship. We had found a school program that was relativley inexpensive, only two weekends per month, and allowed him to work. He was going to use the program to find a job that would sponsor him or who knows if things worked out maybe we would get married. The program was two years long.
Nonetheless we saw each other in malta in mid December 2019. Our next reunion was set for March 2021.
Being he is Hong Kong he caught wind of the virus in Jan. He was weary then but we never imagined the virus would become what it was so we kept our March plans rather than bumping them up. Because of the virus our march plans were canceled and we have not seen each other since. I feel I am one of the couples that has been seperated longer because of the virus than others as we are now going on 9 months apart with no end in sight.
The virus made him cancel his school plans in Aug and we had pushed them to Jan 2022. Being we are both in our 30's we don't have a ton of time to waste in terms of career and school.
Because of the virus he had not found a real job since he graduated in Hong Kong. He had held off on looking because he thought he was going to come here but he thought he would take freelance projects to save for school. The virus made it so that he never made any real money doing this. Now school is no longer an option because of the finances. He simply can not afford it. He has has no income for nearly a year 1/2. Nor does he want to deter longer than Jan 2022. Being apart so long has also dissolved the will to really fight for the very difficult American residency.
Plan B was to move to Canada. I can easily go work there base on our NAFTA agreement, but now I need to take some classes to get certified in a NAFTA approved job. None of this is a real issue and I only live hours form the border and I can visit for up to half of the year as he can visit me too.
However, COVID also does not desire for us to do that. For him he must go through the immigration process and we think that might be delayed an extra 12-18 months. That is so very long to wait. Also while he knows what he needs to do to get in (he is even perfecting his french) it is not even a garuntee. He has a very specific line of work and can not do it in most countries we don't have other places to go. Canada is esentially me moving to him except he is not there yet. He does not want to stay in Hong Kong and will not stay in Hong Kong. I am not allowed to enter Hong Kong. All forigners are banned until at least 2022. Nor can I move there he lives in a cramped apt. with his family and there is political unrest and he does not want me to move there.
So here I am. While short this is the best relationship I have ever had. It's healthy, the communication is on par, we have no underlying issues, we click so well, we talk at an unprecedented rate daily and never grow tired. we genuinley enjoy each other. When together he was the only person I felt sparks with when we kissed and intamacy was amazing. Neither of us want our relationship to end but it's feeling inevitable at this point.
Over the 9 months of seperation and 12-18 months more before closing distance he is more pessimistic about us. His will to fight for it is going away as I mentioned America is off the table now. He lives in a country where he can not leave unless he sits in mandatory quarentine when he goes back which also happens to be in china in politically charged times. America is the most infected country I wouldn't want him to get sick and while NY feels ok I know that we are not. He is also very risk adverse and without the strong will and excitment that we had even still had 3-4 months ago I understand why he is not comming to see me. Hong Kong has already declared that they are not even going to concider lifting the mandatory quarentine until at least 2022. Time is taking it's toll, and his whole job thing, and his whole being stuck in a country he does not want to be in just everything. He is not Chinese.
So a little over a week ago our relationship has changed because we are accepting the COVID reality that we are in. Please I don't want he don't really love you comments etc after what i'm about to say because I am aware that his will has dwindled. Heck even my excitment is not the same.
We have decided that our future is uncertain now. I feel more optomistic he feels more pessamistic. He believes that why should we suffer and he jumps on a plane to see me with only a maybe to canada everytime we are seperated it is misery. If we are not certain that he can be here what does it acomplish other than to create more pain. He wants to just wait to know if we can even be together. Again also he said if it was 3-4 months ago he would be excited. We don't know if he will make it into canada. We know that if he does the chances are high that it might not be for 12-18 months. He still wants me but he said he is feeling the effects of time and fears that he or I will just be completley tired of it in 3-4 more months. He doesn't think we will want each other in 12-18 months. So we have changed our relationship to talking the same but it's open now. I am the one that suggested the open end after the 12-18 months conversation. He was crying because he didn't see how we could come together after such a long wait. I said why can't we just wait until the end of the COVID tunnel to see what happens. It is a long time and a lot to ask to put eggs in one basket for a maybe. I am ok with being open. This isn't a ploy for him to wander he is not that type and it was my suggestion. It feels at this point we can only wait for a maybe for a very long amount of time. Why not be open. It's better than just walking away never knowing if we could have went to Canada. But I told him I don't want to know about it if he should choose to do so. He thinks I will date and meet someone. He does not think that he will since he has plans to leave Hong Kong one way or another and is too depressed about his career and etc. He is convinced that I will meet someone.
I joined this thread because I thought some people in a long distance relationship can understand what i'm going through more than any of my friends. As my friends don't understand why he can't just drop a dime and come here and stay for months, or if he loved me why we would just wait indefinitley on a maybe. Nor do they understand what it is like to not be able to see someone for such a long period of time and how it makes you grow weary, and lose hope and drive.
I thought the best was to just keeping it open it's all we can do right now. So many people are in the same position right now. Our relationship 100% would not have ended right now if not for COVID. He would actually be here living with me right now. We have zero issues other than it feeling like nature has just made it impossible for us to be together. It's so heartbreaking.
I am very sad over all of this. I had my nights crying not eating etc. It feels so unfair in every aspect.
I guess that I am looking for advice from others going through the same where it feels impossible. Is continuing to talk a good idea, unhealthy? We have agreed that as of now we still want to be together if he makes it to canada. We agreed that we want to leave the door open. We believe that we both think we would shoot ourselves in the foot by jumping off the ship entiley right now. We both care for each still very much. We talk like nothing has changed even though we both know that it has.
We were not a long relationship before Covid had set in. We had only had about 4 months of face time. we met when he was doing a student semester abroad in NYC last July. We spent that semester together and then we hit it off so well the would be fling became a full blown long distance relationship. He lives very very far from me. I am in NYC and he is in Hong Kong. Since his semester he flew back to see me again a month later and two months after that we spent 10 days together in Malta.
We had planned to have about two-three more visits and then he was going to move in with my of August this year. We didn't want to be in a long term long distance relationship. We had found a school program that was relativley inexpensive, only two weekends per month, and allowed him to work. He was going to use the program to find a job that would sponsor him or who knows if things worked out maybe we would get married. The program was two years long.
Nonetheless we saw each other in malta in mid December 2019. Our next reunion was set for March 2021.
Being he is Hong Kong he caught wind of the virus in Jan. He was weary then but we never imagined the virus would become what it was so we kept our March plans rather than bumping them up. Because of the virus our march plans were canceled and we have not seen each other since. I feel I am one of the couples that has been seperated longer because of the virus than others as we are now going on 9 months apart with no end in sight.
The virus made him cancel his school plans in Aug and we had pushed them to Jan 2022. Being we are both in our 30's we don't have a ton of time to waste in terms of career and school.
Because of the virus he had not found a real job since he graduated in Hong Kong. He had held off on looking because he thought he was going to come here but he thought he would take freelance projects to save for school. The virus made it so that he never made any real money doing this. Now school is no longer an option because of the finances. He simply can not afford it. He has has no income for nearly a year 1/2. Nor does he want to deter longer than Jan 2022. Being apart so long has also dissolved the will to really fight for the very difficult American residency.
Plan B was to move to Canada. I can easily go work there base on our NAFTA agreement, but now I need to take some classes to get certified in a NAFTA approved job. None of this is a real issue and I only live hours form the border and I can visit for up to half of the year as he can visit me too.
However, COVID also does not desire for us to do that. For him he must go through the immigration process and we think that might be delayed an extra 12-18 months. That is so very long to wait. Also while he knows what he needs to do to get in (he is even perfecting his french) it is not even a garuntee. He has a very specific line of work and can not do it in most countries we don't have other places to go. Canada is esentially me moving to him except he is not there yet. He does not want to stay in Hong Kong and will not stay in Hong Kong. I am not allowed to enter Hong Kong. All forigners are banned until at least 2022. Nor can I move there he lives in a cramped apt. with his family and there is political unrest and he does not want me to move there.
So here I am. While short this is the best relationship I have ever had. It's healthy, the communication is on par, we have no underlying issues, we click so well, we talk at an unprecedented rate daily and never grow tired. we genuinley enjoy each other. When together he was the only person I felt sparks with when we kissed and intamacy was amazing. Neither of us want our relationship to end but it's feeling inevitable at this point.
Over the 9 months of seperation and 12-18 months more before closing distance he is more pessimistic about us. His will to fight for it is going away as I mentioned America is off the table now. He lives in a country where he can not leave unless he sits in mandatory quarentine when he goes back which also happens to be in china in politically charged times. America is the most infected country I wouldn't want him to get sick and while NY feels ok I know that we are not. He is also very risk adverse and without the strong will and excitment that we had even still had 3-4 months ago I understand why he is not comming to see me. Hong Kong has already declared that they are not even going to concider lifting the mandatory quarentine until at least 2022. Time is taking it's toll, and his whole job thing, and his whole being stuck in a country he does not want to be in just everything. He is not Chinese.
So a little over a week ago our relationship has changed because we are accepting the COVID reality that we are in. Please I don't want he don't really love you comments etc after what i'm about to say because I am aware that his will has dwindled. Heck even my excitment is not the same.
We have decided that our future is uncertain now. I feel more optomistic he feels more pessamistic. He believes that why should we suffer and he jumps on a plane to see me with only a maybe to canada everytime we are seperated it is misery. If we are not certain that he can be here what does it acomplish other than to create more pain. He wants to just wait to know if we can even be together. Again also he said if it was 3-4 months ago he would be excited. We don't know if he will make it into canada. We know that if he does the chances are high that it might not be for 12-18 months. He still wants me but he said he is feeling the effects of time and fears that he or I will just be completley tired of it in 3-4 more months. He doesn't think we will want each other in 12-18 months. So we have changed our relationship to talking the same but it's open now. I am the one that suggested the open end after the 12-18 months conversation. He was crying because he didn't see how we could come together after such a long wait. I said why can't we just wait until the end of the COVID tunnel to see what happens. It is a long time and a lot to ask to put eggs in one basket for a maybe. I am ok with being open. This isn't a ploy for him to wander he is not that type and it was my suggestion. It feels at this point we can only wait for a maybe for a very long amount of time. Why not be open. It's better than just walking away never knowing if we could have went to Canada. But I told him I don't want to know about it if he should choose to do so. He thinks I will date and meet someone. He does not think that he will since he has plans to leave Hong Kong one way or another and is too depressed about his career and etc. He is convinced that I will meet someone.
I joined this thread because I thought some people in a long distance relationship can understand what i'm going through more than any of my friends. As my friends don't understand why he can't just drop a dime and come here and stay for months, or if he loved me why we would just wait indefinitley on a maybe. Nor do they understand what it is like to not be able to see someone for such a long period of time and how it makes you grow weary, and lose hope and drive.
I thought the best was to just keeping it open it's all we can do right now. So many people are in the same position right now. Our relationship 100% would not have ended right now if not for COVID. He would actually be here living with me right now. We have zero issues other than it feeling like nature has just made it impossible for us to be together. It's so heartbreaking.
I am very sad over all of this. I had my nights crying not eating etc. It feels so unfair in every aspect.
I guess that I am looking for advice from others going through the same where it feels impossible. Is continuing to talk a good idea, unhealthy? We have agreed that as of now we still want to be together if he makes it to canada. We agreed that we want to leave the door open. We believe that we both think we would shoot ourselves in the foot by jumping off the ship entiley right now. We both care for each still very much. We talk like nothing has changed even though we both know that it has.
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