Tell me it's worth it!

[Fiorinda]

So, a very short potted history. I was married first time round for 21 years, got 2 now adult kids and 2 grandkids. Left that marriage in 2010, met my 2nd husband in 2011, he was 100 miles away but had no ties and was looking for work anyway so moved to live with me. We split at Christmas 2019.

Just met this new guy on a dating site last month, we've been talking daily for 3 weeks now and he's planning to come visit me as soon as he can book some leave from his job. He lives 150 miles away, which in the UK is a long way. He also has 3 children aged 11, 9 and 6 who live with him half the time. So he's not going to relocate any time soon, and my grands are 8 and 6 and my daughter has no other support than me, so neither am I!

I actually can't even get my head round how it could work! We both have full time jobs and family commitments, and it's a 3.5 hour drive each way. I mean, I can see how that would work if you knew it was temporary, but for at least 10 years?

I know we've not met yet, it might come to nothing, I'm trying to arm myself with information in case we like each other as much IRL as we do online. I've never had a relationship that's been long distance for more than a couple of months before.

Any advice, reassurance, dire warnings etc gratefully received!

[OhioJim]

Good for you! Sounds a lot easier than many on here. My SO is 8365 miles away! She left here because her mother had surgery, and is now stuck there until the pandemic calms down enough.

A LDR is hard and the most important thing is communication. Because that is all you have. Keep it up!

The only other advise I can give is to not worry. Did worry ever solve any problem? You don't know what will happen after he comes. It could be good. It could be bad. The important thing is to move forward. Otherwise you will be spending the rest of your life playing the "What If I only?" game!

[vivid_idea]

Hi there, and welcome

For the most part, I agree with OhioJim. You just have to keep moving forward because you don't want to be playing the "What If I Only?" game. I met my SO online and we spoke for a year before he flew to meet me and we are almost 9000 miles apart! I fell in love with him the moment I saw him and so it was worth it for me.

I won't pretend like I don't regularly question what I am doing. It's really hard sometimes and I don't see an end date just yet. I have an 11 and 9 yo who live with me and so that complicates things tremendously. So I get why that would be a concern of yours.

It's a bit like opening a Pandora's Box. Once you start liking each other it would be very hard to walk away. I would say continue to get to know each other (like OhioJim said, communication is everything) and eventually plan to meet. If you fall in love, it will be worth it, right? And 3.5h away is not that bad at all. You could plan fairly regular visits hopefully.

All the best to you and reach out to any of us on the forum if you need.