GF says she feels empty and doesn't feel the same anymore

[DMCKiller]

Hey so I'm new here. I've been in a long distance relationship for about 1.5 years now and it has been honestly the best thing that happened to both of us. The distance has never been easy but it was manageable till now. The relationship has always been long distance. We met in Germany but didn't start a relationship till she came to visit me in Ghana after some months of lovely conversations. Things just kicked off from there. We've been so open, honest and working hard towards our goal of moving in when I'm able to move to Germany (in another year and a few months) and we planned 2 visits to each other since then. Each was wonderful. met the family, even thoroughly discussed marriage and kids. Everything was nice and dandy.

Well she started work in a different country in Europe to gain some experience while i was not going to come immediately and unfortunately the pandemic basically took her job. She had also been quite unhappy in the city she stayed and even noted that her only good moments there were when i visited about 6 months ago. Now she has moved again still looking for a job and we were not able to meet this month like we wanted to. She's really been going through it this year.

Suddenly two weeks ago she started acting strange and commenting that she doesn't feel like she needs to tell me things anymore. She doesn't miss me anymore and her feelings had changed. That she feels a void in place of them and doesn't know if she still would want the relationship anymore. This is a very sudden change that has surprised everyone that knows about it. To the extent that she asked what i think about a break even though she keeps saying she doesn't want a break or a breakup even though she doesn't feel the same for me anymore. She basically wants to cut our communication down to 0.

As you can imagine this is very tough and i just feel even more helpless about it and I'm really hoping that she eventually regains what she's lost for me though she doesn't know if she will. I'm trying to give her space but at the same time I'm just scared that it may end up being the end of something wonderful. a sudden end she herself doesn't even know why it changed.

[D_M]

Hi DMCKiller,

It is a very hard situation you are in and know how awful you must feel.
It sounds like she is feeling very low at the moment. An LDR can be extremely difficult and I know my darkest days are when I am tired and exhausted, stressed, or even down and depressed about various non relationship factors. Maybe she is going through a rough time. Let her know you support her, offer her a safe space where she can tell you how she is feeling about everything, with no judgement and only acceptance and also give her the space she needs if she asks for it, and let her know that you still love her no matter what. Try to put yourself as best you can in her shoes, especially if she is feeling very low.
Do you have any mutual friends that you can contact to see if she is ok?
It is a very difficult situation you are in and I think that is why you have had no replies. I wish I could offer more help or better advice but I'm afraid I think you must fly blind at this stage, let her know you're here for her, and hope she comes back. Good luck.

[vivid_idea]

I agree completely with D_M. In my darkest moments I have really withdrawn from my SO, just because I feel really depressed about the distance or because troubles in my own life are overwhelming me and I don't want to drag him into it. I have had moments when I am feeling so sorry for myself that I think that we would be better off without each other. My SO has just always made it clear that he is around, but he gives me space, too.

I don't know what your girlfriend is thinking, but it's perfectly fine to tell her that you love and support her, no matter what she is feeling and going through. I hope that things work out for you and know that there are people here who understand and are great at offering support. P.S. My SO is also in Germany

[DMCKiller]

Hi DMCKiller,

It is a very hard situation you are in and know how awful you must feel.
It sounds like she is feeling very low at the moment. An LDR can be extremely difficult and I know my darkest days are when I am tired and exhausted, stressed, or even down and depressed about various non relationship factors. Maybe she is going through a rough time. Let her know you support her, offer her a safe space where she can tell you how she is feeling about everything, with no judgement and only acceptance and also give her the space she needs if she asks for it, and let her know that you still love her no matter what. Try to put yourself as best you can in her shoes, especially if she is feeling very low.
Do you have any mutual friends that you can contact to see if she is ok?
It is a very difficult situation you are in and I think that is why you have had no replies. I wish I could offer more help or better advice but I'm afraid I think you must fly blind at this stage, let her know you're here for her, and hope she comes back. Good luck.

Indeed it is a difficult situation. She's definitely going through a rough time and i have always tried to show my support and love. I have always (ok mostly) been a safe space to express whatever might be bothering her but this time I might not be it. We have 0 mutual friends, but i did contact one of her closest friends about it and she should be fine.
At this point I am indeed flying blind. Just focusing on myself and my life and giving the space. Maybe it'll last weeks, maybe months or maybe she wont ever come back but then such is life.

[DMCKiller]

I agree completely with D_M. In my darkest moments I have really withdrawn from my SO, just because I feel really depressed about the distance or because troubles in my own life are overwhelming me and I don't want to drag him into it. I have had moments when I am feeling so sorry for myself that I think that we would be better off without each other. My SO has just always made it clear that he is around, but he gives me space, too.

I don't know what your girlfriend is thinking, but it's perfectly fine to tell her that you love and support her, no matter what she is feeling and going through. I hope that things work out for you and know that there are people here who understand and are great at offering support. P.S. My SO is also in Germany

Hmm, thanks for the perspective. I have also no idea what she would be thinking but i have always expressed my love and support. But at this point I can only hope and/or get over it. Maybe she's down, maybe she's not and just stressed. I wouldn't know since i am the only one being shut out. Apparently not on the same page and she's not ready to change it. So if she's ready she will, if not she won't, ball is in her court.

I still feel sad (she's still my SO) and want things to change, but I'll just give the space (take the time to also think about things) and prepare mentally for whatever happens.
I feel so many things at the same time that I think I've just become numb to it. Worried for her and the relationship, wanting to help, sad, confused, insulted (by some of her comments), and many more. It's been a mini-rollercoaster ride in my mind. But alas I'm here for her and if she comes back then fine, if she doesn't want to then also fine.

[vivid_idea]

Hmm, thanks for the perspective. I have also no idea what she would be thinking but i have always expressed my love and support. But at this point I can only hope and/or get over it. Maybe she's down, maybe she's not and just stressed. I wouldn't know since i am the only one being shut out. Apparently not on the same page and she's not ready to change it. So if she's ready she will, if not she won't, ball is in her court.

I still feel sad (she's still my SO) and want things to change, but I'll just give the space (take the time to also think about things) and prepare mentally for whatever happens.
I feel so many things at the same time that I think I've just become numb to it. Worried for her and the relationship, wanting to help, sad, confused, insulted (by some of her comments), and many more. It's been a mini-rollercoaster ride in my mind. But alas I'm here for her and if she comes back then fine, if she doesn't want to then also fine.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's an awful feeling when you are being shut out. If she loves you, then she will reach out eventually. LDRs are a unique challenge that not everyone understands and the emotional rollercoaster can be amplified so much because of the distance. *Hugs*

[DMCKiller]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's an awful feeling when you are being shut out. If she loves you, then she will reach out eventually. LDRs are a unique challenge that not everyone understands and the emotional rollercoaster can be amplified so much because of the distance. *Hugs*

Hmmmm. yes it is a very unique challenge! Thanks for the support

[D_M]

Indeed it is a difficult situation. She's definitely going through a rough time and i have always tried to show my support and love. I have always (ok mostly) been a safe space to express whatever might be bothering her but this time I might not be it. We have 0 mutual friends, but i did contact one of her closest friends about it and she should be fine.
At this point I am indeed flying blind. Just focusing on myself and my life and giving the space. Maybe it'll last weeks, maybe months or maybe she wont ever come back but then such is life.

I think you're doing all you can do. Not just the space but also focusing yourself. I hope it all works out for the best, whatever for that may take. Good luck.