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    Problems with boyfriend’s parents

    My boyfriend’s parents have never really taken an interest to our relationship, especially me, which I’ve never really let bother me because I haven’t met them, and up until recently I didn’t think it would be such a big deal since we wouldn’t be living near them. Now that our plans have changed, and we’ll be staying at him and his mother’s place since they run a family ranch together, when I move over there, it has became more of a concern for me. My parents were always very interested in my boyfriend and our plans, even before they met him, so I guess I’m not used to the kind of coldness on his family end. I’ve suggested talking to her on video, both when he was here with me, and when he’s back home, but she’s always turned it down. When he was here, she would often try and convince him to come back home early, and made him feel bad for even coming over here in the first place, which she has done each time he’s came over. The past few weeks he was here, over text she’d act like he wasn’t even here to see me, as she never asked what we were doing or how life was here, just asked him about what he’d be doing when he got back home.

    I tried to keep faith even after all these things, but when he texted her to ask what she thought about me moving over there, she ignored the question altogether and just talked about something else, even when he asked her again she barely acknowledged it. When he got home yesterday, I asked him if she was at all interested in anything we got up to these past few weeks, which he said no, they barely spoke about it, and when the subject gets on to me it’s quickly changed. He assured me it’s because she hadn’t met me yet, but from the vibes I get now, I don’t know if that will change anything. I love him and want to be with him, but I wouldn’t just be living with him, and so I’d want to get along with her. My mother tried to start a conversation with her over Facebook a while back when he was over last summer, but she wasn’t really interested and ignored my mum after a few texts. I’ve tried to make an effort by offering to talk to her, but I don’t really see how she feels ‘neutral’ about me like my boyfriend says, when she doesn’t want to talk to me and avoids the subject of me altogether. I feel awful for making someone look bad that I haven’t met, but the vibes I’m getting are not good ones.

    I don’t know what to do, it wouldn’t be that important if I wasn’t going to be spending a lot of time with her in the future, but I inevitably will be. Has anyone else had these issues when it comes to your partner’s parents? Did you ever overcome them?

    #2
    By him traveling I guess he is older than 18?

    Keep in mind that the laws in Scotland may be different than here in the USA. In general, you are not considered an adult until you are 18. Your profile says you are only 17. If you have a physical relationship with him when here, that is grounds for arrest for statutory rape in many locations, with serious consequences that will stick with him for the rest of his life.

    I would suggest keeping it low key until you turn 18. Then turn on your charm!

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      #3
      Originally posted by OhioJim View Post
      By him traveling I guess he is older than 18?

      Keep in mind that the laws in Scotland may be different than here in the USA. In general, you are not considered an adult until you are 18. Your profile says you are only 17. If you have a physical relationship with him when here, that is grounds for arrest for statutory rape in many locations, with serious consequences that will stick with him for the rest of his life.

      I would suggest keeping it low key until you turn 18. Then turn on your charm!
      We shouldn’t have any problems there. Both where my boyfriend and I live the age of consent is 16, so we wouldn’t be doing anything against the law, and I’m actually 18 now but I don’t know how to change my age on my profile.
      Last edited by Woweth; October 1, 2020, 04:33 PM.

      Comment


        #4
        Coming from a parents perspective, I know she has concerns about your relationship. Even though I am in a LDR myself, if my young adult child were to tell me she was dating someone from another country, I would definitely be concerned/uncomfortable with it. Aside from that, I would never treat her SO the way his mom is treating you, but that's just me. I am naturally nurturing and kind to all people.

        It most definitely could be the fact that she hasn't met you yet, there really is no other reason why she has this attitude towards you. Unless of course, she is just that kind of person. She may be hard for you to win over but it's possible. Always remain respectful (I am sure you already know that) but never let her walk all over you, you don't deserve that from anyone. Just be patient and see how things pan out when you're here in the US.

        I would honestly suggest pulling her to the side when you've moved and have an adult conversation with her. Let her know your intentions with her son, open up to her, and ask her to tell you of any concerns she may have with your relationship. If there are any, which I am sure there are, reassure her.
        ~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by MsGrim View Post
          Coming from a parents perspective, I know she has concerns about your relationship. Even though I am in a LDR myself, if my young adult child were to tell me she was dating someone from another country, I would definitely be concerned/uncomfortable with it. Aside from that, I would never treat her SO the way his mom is treating you, but that's just me. I am naturally nurturing and kind to all people.

          It most definitely could be the fact that she hasn't met you yet, there really is no other reason why she has this attitude towards you. Unless of course, she is just that kind of person. She may be hard for you to win over but it's possible. Always remain respectful (I am sure you already know that) but never let her walk all over you, you don't deserve that from anyone. Just be patient and see how things pan out when you're here in the US.

          I would honestly suggest pulling her to the side when you've moved and have an adult conversation with her. Let her know your intentions with her son, open up to her, and ask her to tell you of any concerns she may have with your relationship. If there are any, which I am sure there are, reassure her.
          I don’t think there’s any reason why she would have concerns regarding our relationship. We’ve know each other for five years, she’s know about me for at least three. He’s been over here several times, and she knows we’re serious. It’s not exactly a common thing for people our age to have such a serious relationship and have to cope with a lot more mature matters than what your average 18 and 19 year olds would have to. But we’ve always been honest and open with both our parents about it from the get go, at the beginning it might have been a little odd for them, but at this point my parents are quite close with him and he’s like part of the family. I would understand she’d obviously have concerns if we hadn’t met each other, but we have many times and spent months together in total, so other than the distance and flights, it’s not really any different to any other relationship.

          I think she can be a bit clingy, and maybe resents me in a way because I’m the reason her son leaves for periods of time. Other than that I can’t think of anything. I don’t think there would be any reason for her to feel uncomfortable/concerned as you mentioned, as we are both responsible and of an age where we can make our own decisions and life choices. We’ve both had jobs and carry responsibilities, we’ve never needed any financial help to see one another, and we’ve travelled a little together. We’ve also known each other for years and have nothing to hide from one another, and I personally don’t think that just because I’m from another country it would justify feeling uncomfortable or concerned. Yes, relationships like this are definitely more of a touchy subject when you’re younger, but we literally have no issues and our relationship is perfectly healthy and secure, she knows that. I will see how it turns out, but as far as I can see, her not having met me is not exactly a good enough reason to not want much to do with me. I haven’t met her and I still want to know more about her and talk with her. My parents have always been welcoming to him and liked him even before they met him since they would actually agree to talk to him on video and get to know him. My family is very accepting, and doesn’t have any doubts regarding our relationship, because of course they know the kind of people we are. At this point, after a good few years together, plenty of visits, and time spent together, it would not make any sense for her to bear a grudge or concern against me.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by MsGrim View Post
            Coming from a parents perspective, I know she has concerns about your relationship. Even though I am in a LDR myself, if my young adult child were to tell me she was dating someone from another country, I would definitely be concerned/uncomfortable with it. Aside from that, I would never treat her SO the way his mom is treating you, but that's just me. I am naturally nurturing and kind to all people.

            It most definitely could be the fact that she hasn't met you yet, there really is no other reason why she has this attitude towards you. Unless of course, she is just that kind of person. She may be hard for you to win over but it's possible. Always remain respectful (I am sure you already know that) but never let her walk all over you, you don't deserve that from anyone. Just be patient and see how things pan out when you're here in the US.

            I would honestly suggest pulling her to the side when you've moved and have an adult conversation with her. Let her know your intentions with her son, open up to her, and ask her to tell you of any concerns she may have with your relationship. If there are any, which I am sure there are, reassure her.
            I agree with this!
            I know you think having not met you isn’t a good enough of an excuse but to his mum that could be an excuse enough. Everyone has their own opinions and perspectives on things. Until she meets you and talks to you, all you can do is speculate why she feels this way. Once you get there and meet I’m sure you’ll be able to sit down and clear the air so to speak. This is also a big adjustment for her too as well as you. It will take time and open communication. Go into it with an open mind and see how it goes.

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