Ego and Love. What do you think about these things and what are your experiences?

[vivid_idea]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to share something that happened between my SO and me. We have been talking on the phone more lately, 3h+! Which we haven't done since our courting days lol. Anyway, I was really happy and loving it, although, I kinda would talk over and interrupt my SO sometimes (which he HATES) but it's because I was excited and, basically, I just don't think and can be a bit inconsiderate like that.

Anyway, he brought it up yesterday, quite direct and matter of fact, but I took it very personally. We ended up having a huge fight and we said some nasty things. I just couldn't apologise for interrupting (ego) and I started making it about a lot of other things. He got really fed up and said that he didn't want to talk to me for a while.

In the past, when something like this has happened, I would withdraw and use it as a reason to, basically, feel sorry for myself. I often would not reach out for a while but all the while I would be feeling sad and be missing him.

Today, I did my usual and said to him that I wouldn't reach out to him because he doesn't want to talk anymore. He was upset (I could tell) and basically said, "fine. bye."

At this point, I usually would retreat to lick my wounds and we would be silent for a few days. Today, after 20 mins, and with my hand hovering, I finally sent a message over that just said, "I was wrong." It was really hard to send it and there was a big part of me that still felt like I had a point to prove. But I also could see that I had not behaved well. And I imagined my SO alone and upset and it broke my heart.

Once I sent that message, he immediately replied with, "It's all good baby x"

Here is the weird thing, as soon as I got that message from him I broke down and started sobbing. I don't even know why his response made me cry so much. It wasn't a mad or angry or even sad cry. I just was overwhelmed I guess.

Sometimes I have no idea why I do, say, think, behave and react how I do. I really really hate that.

Anyway, he thanked me and said he was glad that I wrote back.

Maybe it's as simple as needing to push the ego aside because love is more important?

Thoughts?

[D_M]

I love this story Vivid_Idea. His reply almost made me cry!
I think that you replying to him was a big and important step for you. We all carry our baggage from previous relationships and lie in general, we've all got walls up and our methods of defense.
Being able to see that and change your behavior is a really good thing. And when he replied, It's all good, showed that his love for you goes far beyond that and that you have a safe space to gradually relax and lower your defenses.
Sometimes crying can pour out with just a strength of emotion. Keeping up defenses can be exhausting and you lowered yours and and he accepted you/still loved you anad that must have been a huge relief, even subconsciously. He didn't exploit you making yourself vunerable as sometime people in life can do.
I think it's great.
I heard a quote once that I really liked which might resonate with you: "You don't cry because you're weak. Sometimes you cry because you've been being strong for so long." Or something like that.
... And on Ego, Eckhart Tolle has some good books.

[vivid_idea]

Hey D_M, that was such a thoughtful reply, thank you so much.

There is nothing quite like a relationship to really drag out all the baggage and defence mechanisms, hey?

I am finding out so much about myself through him. I still can’t believe it because I was in a relationship for 15 years prior and I hardly learnt anything about myself. Amazing what different people can bring out of you.

I know I’m a lucky girl. I have put him through serious hell at times, for all sorts of reasons including a difficult family life, but he has stuck by me. I’m not sure why and I know that’s an issue with self esteem. Just another thing I have to look at and work on, oh Lordy! Lol