Slightly irritated rant....

[NikkiP]

Okay guys, he didn't MAKE me stay home, in fact he was trying to act like he wanted me to go to the party. But I could tell that he was really insecure and upset about me going to the party so I offered to spend the night with him to keep us both happier.

Now that I think about it, this kind of thing has happened before. Sometimes even HE makes plans for us to webcam or something, and by the time I'm home he forgot and he's hanging out with a friend.

I feel like guys typically mean a bit more what they say, so maybe he really wouldn't have had any issues with you going to the party. And quite honestly, if he is blowing off your set nights with plans on a continuing basis, there's absolutely no reason for you to cancel your plans with friends to do something with him. I'm by no means telling you to ignore his insecurities. When he brings them up, it's very important for you to acknowledge and discuss.

You're really the only one that can stop him from making you feel that way again.

[LadyMarchHare]

Okay guys, he didn't MAKE me stay home, in fact he was trying to act like he wanted me to go to the party. But I could tell that he was really insecure and upset about me going to the party so I offered to spend the night with him to keep us both happier.

He was actually really looking forward to spending the night together when I suggested it. I guess that sometime during the day he forgot that he had plans with me, and he scheduled to hang out with his friend. He also didn't expect the dinner to last until 10 his time....wtf.

Now that I think about it, this kind of thing has happened before. Sometimes even HE makes plans for us to webcam or something, and by the time I'm home he forgot and he's hanging out with a friend.

I guess I'm just sick of getting my hopes up for things that don't happen, and I'm sick of sacrificing my social life for his mental well-being. Sometimes when I'm out with friends I almost just want to lie and say I'm at home doing homework so he won't have a paranoia attack.

He may have a memory problem, God knows I do. Maybe buy him a calendar or day planner to write these things in, or have him program it into his phone if it has a calender/schedule alert feature right when you make the plans. I'd also suggest you guys talk about his apparent trust issues and either getting some counseling for it or just setting up a system where you text every x hour to tell him you're OK. Really I never buy the "I trust my SO, I just don't trust others" line because essentially you're not trusting your SO, you're saying others can sway them.

Don't lie to him, though. If/when he finds out that creates more trust issues. You compromised for him, next time he has to compromise for you.

[Rugger]

This is going to sound weird, but let me explain. His insecurity is not your problem. It's his, in that he is the only person with the power to fix it. There is NOTHING you personally can do to fix it for him. No amount of staying home from parties or not going out with male friends is going to make him secure in himself. It's just not. The only thing you can do is support him and tell him you love him, no matter who you are hanging out with.

A cautionary tale: Avoiding parties because he's jealous or insecure is a very slippery slope. I can say this first hand because I've been there. My ex was incredibly insecure. He didn't like me wearing skirts out or going to team events ( because there were guys) or even having male friends. I gave all these to avoid him feeling that way. We slid down that slope into emotional abuse and control. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but just think about it.