The issue of my boyfriend going long periods of time without talking to me, his own choice, has always been an issue for us, but since he returned home from visiting a few weeks ago, it has gotten much, much worse. My boyfriend had a full time job at the same place since I’ve been in a relationship with him, and I always understood that he was busy juggling that along with studying and helping out on his family farm, but it’s different now. He’s finished his studies, he’s left his job, and he’s basically at home all the time. He enjoys a wide range of hobbies, most are outdoors, and he claims he doesn’t get service outside his house, fair enough. But what hurts me beyond belief is the fact he chooses to go almost full days without talking to me, when he literally has no obligations that stop him from doing so, he’s at home, and still chooses to ignore me.
I’ve tried countless times to tell him how I feel, tried to compromise, if he could even come inside for half an hour or so to talk to me, or video me when it gets dark when he goes inside. It goes nowhere, he just won’t listen. I’m not expecting him to be in the house 24/7 talking to me, not at all, but when he goes almost full days without saying a word to me, and then seems to only text me when he knows I’ll be asleep, is so hurtful. He will act like It’s the biggest insult if I ask him to video me once a day or even every other day to make up for being gone for hours on end, even though he’s not doing anything. I’m very lucky if he agrees to video me, it’s only once a week if I’m lucky, and he has a very strict time limit of ‘maximum one hour’ of talking, and then he’ll hang up. I’ve heard of people in our positions videoing for hours on end, doing cute activities and games, he would never in a million years.
I’ve Always gone out on a limb to talk to him, sacrificing sleep and screwing up my sleep schedule to get an opportunity to talk to him, always having my phone near by so I never miss a message. Thing is, he would never and has never done those things for me. I don’t expect him to, we’re all different, but if he even put in a quarter of the effort I did we’d be in a better place. I was only in person with him weeks ago, but even then it was getting very tiresome because all he would do is complain, how much he hates my country and how he wants to go home. All he’d ever talk about is going home, his eyes would light up when he’d talk about all the things he was going to do when he got back, and I found myself wishing they’d light up that way about me. He has no problem playing video games with his friends for hours on end, but I don’t get the time of day from him. He makes out it’s a privilege him even taking time out to speak to me.
When I confront him about it, it’s never his fault. He’s not interested in discussing it or seeing how I feel, he just puts all his energy into making excuses to cover himself. He acts like I’m asking too much of him and that he’s too busy for me, and sometimes I think I am, but other times I think ‘surely this can’t be right, is it normal for someone to give so little a shit about their partner?’. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I know he doesn’t really want to come back over to my country to visit me, he’s supposed to be in December, but I feel I’m going to have a big job on my hands to try and persuade him to. He says he’d rather I go see him, but I think it’s a really unfair thing of him to say as he knows I’m physically not allowed in his country right now due to travel bans. A lot of the time I feel single, I feel no different to how I was before him. I struggle alone, he’s never there for me to talk to him about anything, if he’s not ignoring me we’re arguing, and I just feel like giving up. All the effort is one sided and I’m sick of carrying this relationship on my back. We came very close to breaking up while he was here, and i was distraught, we’ve had some really good memories together, and he never used to be this negligent, so it’s all the more harder to think of ending it. Telling me I should confront him about it will do nothing, I send him big paragraphs telling him how I feel and They’re met with one liners. He can’t even take a few seconds to type out a decent message. That is what I’m dealing with.
I just feel really hurt, and there’s other factors in my life I’m struggling with, I could do with his support but he’s not there for me. He cares more about his cars then he ever will about me, and I genuinely believe that’s true. I don’t know how other people would view this situation from a unbiased perspective, if he’s in the wrong or I am. I’m doing everything I can for this damn relationship and it’s still not enough.
I’ve tried countless times to tell him how I feel, tried to compromise, if he could even come inside for half an hour or so to talk to me, or video me when it gets dark when he goes inside. It goes nowhere, he just won’t listen. I’m not expecting him to be in the house 24/7 talking to me, not at all, but when he goes almost full days without saying a word to me, and then seems to only text me when he knows I’ll be asleep, is so hurtful. He will act like It’s the biggest insult if I ask him to video me once a day or even every other day to make up for being gone for hours on end, even though he’s not doing anything. I’m very lucky if he agrees to video me, it’s only once a week if I’m lucky, and he has a very strict time limit of ‘maximum one hour’ of talking, and then he’ll hang up. I’ve heard of people in our positions videoing for hours on end, doing cute activities and games, he would never in a million years.
I’ve Always gone out on a limb to talk to him, sacrificing sleep and screwing up my sleep schedule to get an opportunity to talk to him, always having my phone near by so I never miss a message. Thing is, he would never and has never done those things for me. I don’t expect him to, we’re all different, but if he even put in a quarter of the effort I did we’d be in a better place. I was only in person with him weeks ago, but even then it was getting very tiresome because all he would do is complain, how much he hates my country and how he wants to go home. All he’d ever talk about is going home, his eyes would light up when he’d talk about all the things he was going to do when he got back, and I found myself wishing they’d light up that way about me. He has no problem playing video games with his friends for hours on end, but I don’t get the time of day from him. He makes out it’s a privilege him even taking time out to speak to me.
When I confront him about it, it’s never his fault. He’s not interested in discussing it or seeing how I feel, he just puts all his energy into making excuses to cover himself. He acts like I’m asking too much of him and that he’s too busy for me, and sometimes I think I am, but other times I think ‘surely this can’t be right, is it normal for someone to give so little a shit about their partner?’. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I know he doesn’t really want to come back over to my country to visit me, he’s supposed to be in December, but I feel I’m going to have a big job on my hands to try and persuade him to. He says he’d rather I go see him, but I think it’s a really unfair thing of him to say as he knows I’m physically not allowed in his country right now due to travel bans. A lot of the time I feel single, I feel no different to how I was before him. I struggle alone, he’s never there for me to talk to him about anything, if he’s not ignoring me we’re arguing, and I just feel like giving up. All the effort is one sided and I’m sick of carrying this relationship on my back. We came very close to breaking up while he was here, and i was distraught, we’ve had some really good memories together, and he never used to be this negligent, so it’s all the more harder to think of ending it. Telling me I should confront him about it will do nothing, I send him big paragraphs telling him how I feel and They’re met with one liners. He can’t even take a few seconds to type out a decent message. That is what I’m dealing with.
I just feel really hurt, and there’s other factors in my life I’m struggling with, I could do with his support but he’s not there for me. He cares more about his cars then he ever will about me, and I genuinely believe that’s true. I don’t know how other people would view this situation from a unbiased perspective, if he’s in the wrong or I am. I’m doing everything I can for this damn relationship and it’s still not enough.
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