Suffering

[emkay]

Hey guys. I am in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now. This is where the story gets interesting. 2 weeks ago, I started an antibiotic for my acne. I am on antidepressants for severe anxiety and OCD. The Dermatologist obviously was dumb and gave me this antibiotic knowing I should not have been on it. My psychiatrist said that this was a big issue because people on my antidepressant should not be on an antibiotic like Doxycycline. Past 5 days have been hell for me. I had to stay home from work because my mind kept over thinking every possible scenario. I thought I was going down into my depressive state again. Because of this, I over think anything and everything, and now I am over thinking my relationship. I leave in 27 days to see him and I am terrified. What if he's not the same anymore? What if I don't really love him? What if I don't find him attractive anymore? These are the thoughts that started popping up in my head a few days ago. Now before all this mess, I was head over heels in love with this man. I want to marry him 100%, but now my mind is playing games. The antibiotic should be out of my system now but I was over thinking so much that I think I am back in my depressed state. I did it to myself, I know. Everyday does get better though. Today I was able to get up, go to work and tell myself that with a long distance relationship comes fear always, but this is just too much for my mental health. I do love this man and I can't just go from one day loving him to one day not even liking him. I am in therapy and I am in the process of switching my meds, but I am so scared it won't happen within the next 4 weeks and I am gonna have to cancel my trip and regret it later on. He is such a kind person. He is so understanding through all of this and so amazing to me. I also have a fear of flying so I feel like all of this is just playing a role in my life. My OCD is so severe and I feel like I have to push him away before he can break up with me (because he probably things I'm crazy). I've dealt with this before and regretted it, but I am just so scared because it's in the moment. I feel like if my anxiety is still horrible within 2 weeks I will obviously postpone my trip because I like to be near my mom when things get tough, but if I do feel better and don't go, I may regret it forever (especially if I lose him). 5 days ago, his smile stopped my heart, his laugh made me blush. Now, I am picking apart every flaw to stop myself from liking him just so I don't get hurt. What do you think about this situation? Thanks!

[MsGrim]

First, I just wanted to say I am on Doxycycline for my inflamed eczema. Nothing other than that lol, hope you are feeling better from it.

Second, I have terrible anxiety that sometimes puts me in the state of mind of "what if this and what if that" What I normally have to do is just focus my mind on something else and remember all of the reasons I love him. We have been together for a year and 1/2 so I am getting better at recognizing when my anxiety is doing the talking. For example.. I KNOW that he makes my heart stop when I am with him and I can never get enough. I KNOW our chemistry is through the roof. I KNOW how amazing his cuddles are. I KNOW how much fun we have together. So I try and focus on things that I know to be true instead of what my anxiety is trying to make me believe.

Another piece of advice I want to put out there is to just go see him. No matter how you are feeling in 27 days. Once you get there, you will see exactly what is true and how you are feeling. I think it would be better to go and realize you dont love him like you did an get that proper goodbye rather than dont go, realize you've made a terrible mistake and have missed the opportunity to see him.