Ok, so I have just meet this new girl from Japan. She is 17 while I am 18.She is going to Taiwan to study for university and I am going to Japan to study for university. The thought of losing her makes me shudder with fear and cause me to tear.I am afraid that after she goes to Taiwan, she will be with somebody else or I would be with another girl when I reach Japan.Recently, my emotions have been greatly disturbed because I don't know how should I maintain the relationship over such a long distance and whether should I still keep it or not. But I know that she has the mutual feelings that I had for her too. I am afraid to lose her, yet if I let her go, I fear that her life will be greatly disturbed and I will feel hurt as well. I don't know what should I do now. I feel like that I should not have even know her in the first place, then I will not feel this pain, but it has happened, we love each other deeply and were not ready to let go of this relationshop yet. Furthermore, I plan to date her when I get to meet her in Japan and eventually marry her if possible for I feel that my soul is bonded to hers. Losing her feels like as if one part of my soul/body is removed. Is there anyone who has successfully maintained an LDR throughout and before their college life and experienced enough to provide me with wise advice as to how should I keep this relationship,please? I really don't want to lose her, she is too precious to me! Right now I am studying at my country, and I anticipate to go to Japan to see her eventually in real life. I don't want our relationship to fade away. It is too scary to even imagine about it. I need help to maintain this relationship that is just beginning to blossom. Also, this is my first time that I had such a feeling for a girl. Therefore, the pain and hurt will be all the more painful if somehow I lose her.
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First, you are not loosing her! If you both have the same feelings, like you said, then you are in no different situation than most of the members on this forum. We are all separated from our loves, for many different reasons.
Second, if both of you really do love each other, then you will find the strength to maintain that, even though you are apart.
My advice is to follow the 3 rules of a long distance relationship:
1. Communicate
2. Communicate
3. Communicate
Open and honest communication is many many many times as important in a LDR than in a close-by relationship. It is fortunate that you are both in the same time zone (or maybe just an hour difference????). Set up a schedule where you can chat every day. Use you favorite app to video chat or voice chat at that time. Exchange simple text messages at other times. Tell each other how your day is going. Exchange short video clips and still pictures of your activities.
And most important of all...DON"T LET HER FORGET HOW YOU FEEL!
But you both should be mindful of your school schedules. There may be times when one or both of you are busy and can not follow your schedule.
Also, you both will have breaks between terms and holidays. You should compare calendars and find a time when you can visit together and make plans for it. -
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Thank you so much for the advice, but I am struggling on what I should text her about and what we should be talking about. I am fearful that too much of texting will cause the both of us to lose interest in each other. Do you have any advice as to what topic we can keep talking about and not get exhausted,please?Originally posted by OhioJim View Post
Furthermore, we would not be able to visit each other now because of the virus issue, the government has decided to extend the lockdown for another month...I am also now trying very hard to learn Japanese so that we can communicate with each other better, she can only speak some level of English. I have a feeling that I want to date and marry her for the rest of my life.
But it would be long before I will get to visit Japan because my pre-U course takes 20 months to complete, so I will not be able to meet her until 2022 July onwards unless I fly to Japan by myself before that happens.
Also, I have prayed to God for her to be my wife. I have been intensely attracted to her since we stared into each other's eyes for the first call we made. I really hope to push through with this and I am certainly not ready to let go yet, perhaps I will never let it go. She is my first true love and I want her to be my last as well to avoid future pains. I don't mind how bad she may be in reality, I am willing to cover and compensate for her flaws because I myself am imperfect and God did not cast me aside but sent Christ to die for me. I am not in a position to choose to not love someone because they are imperfect when He has loved me enough to die for me while I was still yet a sinner.Comment
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Two verses for you: "Three things last forever. Faith, Hope, and Love. And the greatest of these is Love", and "Love conquers all."
Also, look up Proverbs 3:5,6. Memorize it. Keep saying it to yourself.
As for what to text to each other, what do you talk about when you are in person? Or just tell her what you have been doing, interesting things you have seen, what you had for dinner, about your classes. And remember, it is not what you talk about, but who you are talking with that is important. Every so often at random, just send her a short text: "Love you! Miss you! Thinking of you all the time." If she loves you the way you love her, then she will enjoy anything.
I pray for my SO all the time,. That she be safe and can finish things there so she can come back. She has been gone 19 months now. It is hard, but things will be over someday soon. Tell yours that you are praying for her every day.Comment
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Not to be a pessimist, but there is no guarantee that marrying your first love will help you avoid pain. I married my first love and I can say from experience just like everyone else, pain comes with life. Prepare for pain, expect pain, but practice joy, so that you can deal with the pain when it comes.
My SO and I have been long distance for six years, almost three years of which was two different countries/opposite time zones. He has obtained a master's in this time and I got my two year degree and am nearing the end of my bachelor's degree. It is difficult to find time for healthy communication during studies, but generally not impossible.
My best suggestion would be have an open conversation with her and ask her if she wants to do this. Work out some ideas of how you can make it work. Is she as serious as you are about your future together? Relationships cannot stay strong if only one side is fighting for it.
Best wishes!sigpicComment
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