This might be a bit long, sorry, but I really think I need some advice on how to proceed with my SO. We are not in a good place right now.
For a long time now, tensions had been strained. He blames me and my life and how I handle my affairs over here (I often have a lot going on, being separated with two children) Anyway, about a month ago we had an argument. I was planning a move which meant I had to decide what school they would transfer to or even if they would transfer and when. I told my SO I wanted his help in going through the situation together on the phone. I told him as much as I could and the concerns I have. He was very quiet and eventually he accused me of making all the decisions myself and that it was a waste of time talking to me. We ended the call on a bad note.
Just prior to this call, my SO had been quiet for the previous week due to his work situation. He didn't want to talk to me about it and so I didn't press him on it, but it created some distance between us. After our phone call, I apologised for bringing my life drama into our relationship and not making it easy for him to know how to help me and causing him stress. He thanked me for my apology.
After this, I became increasingly upset and emotional. He seems to blame me for everything that ever happens between us, including this phone call. I feel that because I apologised that he now thinks that I was entirely at fault and he plays no part in our problems. He doesn't even seem to realise that, up until that phone call, he had been shutting me out and not discussing the work issues he was facing with me at all. Then he gets angry at me that I don't work with him as a team to figure out the issues in my life and with my family. It makes me feel terrible.
This happened about a month ago, and for almost 3 weeks now we have not written a word to each other. Our last interaction was a chat online where he told me he did not want to interact with me when I am emotional and he said I was self obsessed with my feelings and too toxic to keep around. I told him this was messing me up too much and that I need a longer break. We basically stopped conversing at that point. Now, it's almost 3 weeks later and I don't know what to do.
I am pretty sure that he is waiting for me to reach out to him, because I said I needed a break. The thing is, he has initiated all of our breaks prior to this one and I have always reached out to him to make it clear how much I care about him. He has even said that he thinks that if I am at fault then it is my duty to fix the relationship. Right now, I am sure he thinks everything is my fault (and he wouldn't consider the bigger picture that I tried to explain earlier) so I am fairly certain he won't reach out to me. During our last argument, he even admitted to me that he wouldn't have reached out to me if I had not done so myself:/
Anyway, this is where I am at now. I honestly feel that I cannot reach out to him and it doesn't matter how sorry or how much I love him. There was one time in the beginning when everything was very hard with my family and I was ready to give up, he chased me back then and convinced me to stay. This was 2 years ago and, ever since then and all our fights, he has always expected me to be the one to make things good again. If I were to message him now, I don't think I could ever trust that he truly wants to be with me.
I just don't know what to do now. I don't think we are broken up because we left it with me saying I wanted a break. Is it too much of me to expect him to have checked in with me after 3 weeks of silence? Should I be messaging him trying to make amends, even though this will destroy any faith I had left in him? Am I being a coward and I should just send him a message to confirm that things are over between us?
Please, I really need some thoughts and advice here, because I am probably responsible for perpetuating this limbo for myself and another person and I don't want to do the wrong thing.
WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT?
For a long time now, tensions had been strained. He blames me and my life and how I handle my affairs over here (I often have a lot going on, being separated with two children) Anyway, about a month ago we had an argument. I was planning a move which meant I had to decide what school they would transfer to or even if they would transfer and when. I told my SO I wanted his help in going through the situation together on the phone. I told him as much as I could and the concerns I have. He was very quiet and eventually he accused me of making all the decisions myself and that it was a waste of time talking to me. We ended the call on a bad note.
Just prior to this call, my SO had been quiet for the previous week due to his work situation. He didn't want to talk to me about it and so I didn't press him on it, but it created some distance between us. After our phone call, I apologised for bringing my life drama into our relationship and not making it easy for him to know how to help me and causing him stress. He thanked me for my apology.
After this, I became increasingly upset and emotional. He seems to blame me for everything that ever happens between us, including this phone call. I feel that because I apologised that he now thinks that I was entirely at fault and he plays no part in our problems. He doesn't even seem to realise that, up until that phone call, he had been shutting me out and not discussing the work issues he was facing with me at all. Then he gets angry at me that I don't work with him as a team to figure out the issues in my life and with my family. It makes me feel terrible.
This happened about a month ago, and for almost 3 weeks now we have not written a word to each other. Our last interaction was a chat online where he told me he did not want to interact with me when I am emotional and he said I was self obsessed with my feelings and too toxic to keep around. I told him this was messing me up too much and that I need a longer break. We basically stopped conversing at that point. Now, it's almost 3 weeks later and I don't know what to do.
I am pretty sure that he is waiting for me to reach out to him, because I said I needed a break. The thing is, he has initiated all of our breaks prior to this one and I have always reached out to him to make it clear how much I care about him. He has even said that he thinks that if I am at fault then it is my duty to fix the relationship. Right now, I am sure he thinks everything is my fault (and he wouldn't consider the bigger picture that I tried to explain earlier) so I am fairly certain he won't reach out to me. During our last argument, he even admitted to me that he wouldn't have reached out to me if I had not done so myself:/
Anyway, this is where I am at now. I honestly feel that I cannot reach out to him and it doesn't matter how sorry or how much I love him. There was one time in the beginning when everything was very hard with my family and I was ready to give up, he chased me back then and convinced me to stay. This was 2 years ago and, ever since then and all our fights, he has always expected me to be the one to make things good again. If I were to message him now, I don't think I could ever trust that he truly wants to be with me.
I just don't know what to do now. I don't think we are broken up because we left it with me saying I wanted a break. Is it too much of me to expect him to have checked in with me after 3 weeks of silence? Should I be messaging him trying to make amends, even though this will destroy any faith I had left in him? Am I being a coward and I should just send him a message to confirm that things are over between us?
Please, I really need some thoughts and advice here, because I am probably responsible for perpetuating this limbo for myself and another person and I don't want to do the wrong thing.
WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT?
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