LDR with bf suffering from depression

[littleizzy1978]

My bf and I have only met for the first time a little over a month ago. I really thought we clicked. He just went through a divorce and I am going thru mine. He started withdrawing about 2 weeks ago. Between the weather and Covid I can not go see him. He told me he needed to think. Today is Friday and I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. He told me that he does get this way sometimes. And I not upset. But I don't know how to assure him that my feeling for him have not changed. We use a messaging app because the service at his house is not good. Today was the first time since Tuesday that he read my messages. I have been telling him good morning and good night every day. Wishing him a good day and telling him that I miss him. I don't want to be pushy but I want him to know I care. Can anyone help me? His depression is sending my anxiety thru the roof.

[OhioJim]

Under those conditions (lousy internet connection) you are doing the right thing.

Don't stop messaging him every day. Keep telling him how you feel.

Can you send pictures? Send him pictures of things you are doing. Of yourself. If you have a really delicious meal, take a picture and send it to him, saying that you want to share it with him.

And, of course, the best thing you can say is that you love him and that you want to help him get through it.

The best thing you can do for your anxiety is to help him with his depression by doing the things I said.

I am in a similar situation. My SO has a community WiFi which is slow and keeps dropping if it is raining. In fact, we have been chatting by text as I type this and she has dropped out several times.

[littleizzy1978]

Thank you Jim.

[littleizzy1978]

He is a loner. And I am not sure if he wants help from me. But I want him to know that I still want to be with him and that I like the whole him. Not just the easy parts. This is just as much part of him as the funny side. Something I am willing to except.

[LisaS]

Is he getting any type of treatment for his depression? Also please don’t forget to take care of yourself during this time!

[littleizzy1978]

He use to. After his second wife left. He couldn't function. But his counselor left and he was not comfortable with the new 1

[LisaS]

That’s too bad, it’s hard to get out of depression all by yourself. It is important that he has a counselor he can connect with so you could encourage him to look for a new one if he is comfortable doing so. It’s so hard bc when someone is depressed, there is really nothing you can do about it unless they are ready to try to get out of it themselves. So take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to reach out for some professional guidance yourself if you’d like! You could also just try to reduce your anxiety by doing things like meditation, exercising, etc.

[littleizzy1978]

I try to stay busy doing things I like to do. Its so hard being 650 miles away. He said he needs to think if he wants something serious, but he started sleeping a lot more and telling me that he was always tired I knew depression was kicking in

[LisaS]

That’s great that you’re keeping busy. Hopefully he won’t stay in this bout of depression for too long. I guess just continue to try to be supportive but try to not let it affect your mood too much! I know it’s easier said than done, I know whenever by bf is down, it totally brings me down too. Hang in there and hope it gets better!

[vivid_idea]

Hi, sorry to hear you are going through this. It can't be easy for you. Distance is tough enough, let alone when one of you is going through a depression. Does he suffer from low self-esteem? That can really wreak havoc on a relationship. I think you are doing all of the right things, and I think it's clear to all of us (and should be clear to him also) how much you care about him.

It's great that you can be patient with him. Hopefully, he will soon realise how special it is to have someone who is willing to do that for him. If things don't change soon, and your anxiety is not getting any better, I think you should try to take a break from the relationship, and try to do the things that relax you and make you feel better. I understand this will be hard for you, though. Big hugs, and good luck

[OhioJim]

..... Its so hard being 650 miles away. ....

I don't mean to belittle your situation, but try 8365 miles! 650 is nothing in comparison.

What I mean is, don't dwell over the distance. There are others in a worse situation than you. An LDR is hard regardless of the distance, but in today's world your SO is only as far away as your keyboard (or smartphone App).

And as other posters have said, take care of yourself and keep busy doing what you enjoy.

[Rezie]

I'll echo others. Please take care of yourself. You are also doing everyhting you can, but if possible. Try to encourage him to get help find someone he can trust. Do you any of his friends that are local that you could contact?