I need advice from people who understand...

[ItsOkay]

Hi my name is Savannah and im 17 years old. I fist met my boyfriend in high school, we were in the same core class. he joined my friend group at the end of year ten (14-15 yrs old) we quickly became good friends, we were good friends and really close for a year, we started dating a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship knowing that we both wanted to be more strictly because he was meant to be leaving a month later in December of 2019, however his family kept changing the date of him leaving, from a year later and a few months later and so on, we became to believe he just wouldn't be leaving so we made it official on January 15th 2020, we had an amazing relationship, it was fun and playful and we were just comfortable with each other. However he ended up leaving to Australia a month later.

The distance was very hard, me and my partner are both very physical people so it was almost like we were at a loss for a bit, we ended up getting the hang of things and would talk about everything and anything and it was good, we both talked and listened and i made sure we both discussed what we would need in order to feel secure and happy in our ldr. we had our first argument after 6 months of being together and we had sat down on the phone, talked, compromised and both apologised where it was needed, i trusted him completely and we had great communication (we still do) I love my boyfriend, he is what makes me happy and he makes me feel very good about myself, he makes me feel beautiful and safe, intelligent, strong and i know he loves me. He is who i want to be with.

My problems started with the pandemic, my mum and i had booked a flight to go and see my boyfriend in April 2020 but it got cancelled due to lock down, then all of a sudden all these back and forth trips were going to happen and then they couldn't and the more time apart the more i seemed to get emotional and on occasion irrational like if my boyfriend didn't hang out with me or talk to me as much as he use to i would get scared that i was being forgotten. im also afraid because im not as connected as i was when we were together in person, and if i will ever feel that physical connection again.

I need advice and tips on how to stay positive.
How to cope with being apart from your partner for a long period of time?
Is there anything I can do to make my connection stronger with my partner?

[D_M]

Hi ItsOkay,

This Covid thing has affected all of us so badly. The uncertainty has been terrible and that feeling of having no control whatsoever (in terms of borders) makes things very difficult.

One thing in your favour is I expect a two way travel bubble to open very soon between Australia and NZ. It might depend what state he is in, but I'd be surprised if you couldn't come to Aus by the end of next week without needing quarantine. Getting back to NZ is the difficult bit. But I'd hope by March something should be in place. So you see, you don't have too long to wait.

Everything you talk about regarding getting emotional and being scared of being forgotten, I feel too and probably most of us here do at various points, especially when the next visit date is so up in the air. It is a roller coaster and you have to accept the ups with the downs and when you're in a down, just hold on to the hope of the next up. (That's much easier advice to give than to take. I wish I could take my own advice lol)

With my SO we talk on skype a few times a week and text daily. Others have it harder, others easier. We find it easy to talk and out Skype chats often go on for hours late into the night and leave us tired the next day (lack of sleep exacerbates anxiety - bugger!). We talk about lots of things but we talk about our emotions alot, tell each other how we feel, how it will be when we're together etc. It's nice and weirdly, sometimes it can feel like in that moment we are physically together and I feel such intense love I can't explain.

There's lots of little things you can do. In addition to email/facebook/text etc, it's lovely to receive a letter or a present in the post. It can be something quite small. I find thinking of my SO and tryign to do something for her make ME feel a lot better too and more loved up, more connected to her.

Other people will have other suggestions too and if I think of others I'll add them.

Good luck and keep faith. You are much luckcier than most because I think you're within a couple of months of being able to visit your SO. :-)