I hate feeling like this

[kate04]

Hi

My SO has had a bereavement of a close family member.

It's devastating for him and I'm being as supportive as I can from 3000 miles away. He says he'd rather have my support albeit at a distance that the support of those that are there.

I feel horrible that I can't be physically there for him. I'm angry at those people that are.

I have no idea when I'll see him; it may not even be this year. I have a birthday soon with a '0' and I've got an almost continual sense of dread that time is slipping away.

My dad passed away a couple of years ago, unexpectedly and way before his time. I'm gripped by a panic that we won't see each other till we're old (if ever) and what's the point? Life really is short.

This Lockdown in the UK is horrible. The term 'illegal' is being used with the words 'leisure travel', which makes me think things are not going to change anytime soon.

We can't go anywhere, I'm working minimal hours in a stressful job (furloughed the rest of the week) and the kids are home.

I can't say I'm stressed; I'm numb. I constantly wonder, should I finish this? He's truly the best thing in my life (the best person I've ever known) and we love each other so much, but at what point do you draw the line?

I'm thinking out loud and I feel shocking. Anyone else similar?

[Woweth]

I’m right with you there. I’m in the U.K. too, and this lockdown is just devastating. I thought I had it bad last year, I was apart from my partner for six and a half months, that was difficult enough. Now, we’re facing a lot longer. Haven’t seen him since September, due to his job and personal life, I wouldn’t be able to see him until may or June anyway, but with the lockdown and travel restrictions, I have a feeling it’s gonna be a lot longer.

Honestly yeah, sometimes I genuinely think I’ll never see him again either. It’s a horrible thought, but in these times, definitely not one without good reason. Every day I wake up, and things seem to be getting worse, all we ever hear is ‘no end in sight’, ‘illegal’, ‘banned’, ‘forbidden’. I always hear people saying, oh you shouldn’t even be thinking of travelling, now or any time soon, or, who’s thinking of going on holiday right now, that’s so selfish. For people who don’t have loved ones abroad, I guess it’s hard for them to realise people don’t just travel for leisure. Me personally, I don’t see the lockdown in our country showing any sign of ending until at least may, and then of course, we’ve constantly got the threat of another one looming over our heads. My partner is in the US, and where he lives, in a small rural community, life is pretty much as normal for him. He can do whatever he wants, and is unaffected. That’s a big argument starter for us, as he doesn’t understand what it’s like here, to not be able to do anything and be so restricted, he thinks my feelings of despair and hopelessness are over the top and unnecessary, but the truth is he just has no idea what it’s like.

The US has a ban in place for people travelling from the U.K. that shows no signs of ending, so visiting him is off the cards, even if the ban wasn’t there, we won’t physically be allowed to leave anyway, at least not for the rest of the year. They’re already saying travelling within the country could be banned for the whole of 2021, so I don’t think there’s any hope of getting away overseas. In terms of him visiting here, that’s really our only hope. Who knows what position we’ll be in when he can though, I really don’t want to imagine. It’s so soul destroying, and I feel you completely. As much as I would love to offer words of comfort, I feel the exact same way as you, hopeless, defeated, and I’m tired of having hope things will get better just to have it snatched away. Our lives are already going in very different directions, he’s got so many opportunities and he’s going far, he honestly has a fantastic life, while mine is on hold, for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, I’m not part of his perfect world, where himself, his friends and family are all leading a fun, happy, limitless existence, and I’m stuck here miserable. I’m happy that he’s happy, it’s not like I wish him to be as miserable as me, but to say that hearing him go on and on about all the exciting things he’s getting up to, knowing I can’t be a part of that, I’d be lying if I said that filled me with joy.

So, I’m swamped really. I’m stuck in this house for days on end, the only close friend I had aside from him wants nothing to do with me anymore, all I can do is count off the days of my life I’ll never get back, doing nothing. You are not alone, I know that everybody’s situation is different even if they’re in an LDR, some are definitely having a better time of it than others, like my boyfriend who doesn’t share the same pain as me, each day his life becomes more like a jigsaw puzzle coming together that doesn’t hold a place for me as a piece, it’s more than devastating, but I can’t do anything about it. I can’t say where the U.K. is going, where I am specifically, Scotland, it’s definitely tightening the reins more than any other place in the U.K., so I don’t have much hope. I don’t know if I’ll see my boyfriend this year, or as you expressed, ever again. I can’t even imagine being that happy, it’s not really an emotion that associates itself with me anymore.

All I can say is, hang in there. If your boyfriend makes you happy, and you love him, and the feeling is mutual, then don’t let go. This situation is hard as hell and I know it feels like it would be easier to quit, but if you did you’d know for certain you’d never see him again, at least you still have a chance, and I really hope that you, and everyone else going through this gets to see the day when they get to embrace their partner again, because in my opinion, nothing compares to that first day of meeting after months apart, the excitement, nerves, anticipation. I would wait a lifetime if I had to for that day again, and even though it gets harder for me each day, I’m holding on for that. I got through it last year, I can this year, and you can too. Love is limitless, unlike lockdowns and restrictions, no one can put a padlock on that. Hold on for that day of reuniting, and you’ll know that it was worth it. It may not be in sight right now, but you’ll never know if you give up. I know this reply is probably not the best, I wish I could be more optimistic for both of us, but I do think it’s sure as hell worth fighting for, even if there’s only the tiniest ray of hope, just hold on to it, and stay strong.

[LisaS]

You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I’ve definitely had the thoughts of “is this worth it?” But deep down, I know in my heart that my SO is the one for me. Since you say your SO is the best thing in your life, I would say to not give up and to always choose love. And remember, this COVID situation isn’t going to last forever. Here in the US, we’ve already started rolling out the vaccines and hopefully travel can open up again sometime soon. It’s normal to have down days and I hate feeling like that too, but try to have hope. I saw someone else write in another post, “hope is like the sun. If you only believe it when you see it, you’ll never make it through the night.” This quote has helped me a little and I hope it helps you too. Seeing your post also helps me since it makes me feel less alone so thank you for sharing. I’ll add that it’s totally normal to miss him so don’t beat yourself up over it. As long as you both love each other and have common goals, then keep going! Things will get better.

[kate04]

Omg Woweth! You hit the nail on the head. My SO is in the US too in a city, and although there are restrictions, his life has barely changed and he really doesn’t get it. And he sees actual people close enough to touch and I resent all of them.
My hope is the vaccination programme though I don’t trust the government (I remember last year, my flight got cancelled 3 days before I was about to see him and we were told 12 weeks this’ll be over !)
Yes, people saying, well I wouldn’t fly... you shouldn’t even be thinking about getting on a plane! Well, I do... every bloody day! Thank you for your support and it definitely helps knowing I’m not alone. Thank you

[kate04]

Thank you Lisa. I’m hoping that since the UK and US are rolling out vaccines pretty quickly that’s a glimmer of hope. I’ve become weary of the whole lockdown thing... the massive highs and lows are taking its toll on life here. I’m desperately hoping that by autumn transatlantic flights will be on again for ‘leisure’

[Woweth]

Omg Woweth! You hit the nail on the head. My SO is in the US too in a city, and although there are restrictions, his life has barely changed and he really doesn’t get it. And he sees actual people close enough to touch and I resent all of them.
My hope is the vaccination programme though I don’t trust the government (I remember last year, my flight got cancelled 3 days before I was about to see him and we were told 12 weeks this’ll be over !)
Yes, people saying, well I wouldn’t fly... you shouldn’t even be thinking about getting on a plane! Well, I do... every bloody day! Thank you for your support and it definitely helps knowing I’m not alone. Thank you

You’re welcome, having the support of others who are going through a similar experience really does wonders. Hopefully it could be spring or summer, as flights and such are still happening, it’s just of course the hotel quarantine is a real kicker, very expensive too. I know currently it doesn’t apply to all travellers in the U.K. yet, aside from Scotland, but I have a feeling that soon it will. Of course if your partner is lucky enough to afford the expensive hotel stay, which sadly not everyone has the privilege of having, thank goodness in my personal situation my own partner would be able to finance it, but of course not everyone can. On the bright side, it’s better than borders being closed completely, and in that respect we’re very lucky. Best of luck on a speedy waiting time until you see one another.

[kate04]

The quarantine thing is no go for us. Travel may as well be banned as gave to quarantine, aside from the expense, it’s the time off work. It’s just untenable :-(
Until we can travel more or less ‘normally’ ie no quarantine stays, we can’t see each other. I have a feeling it’ll be next year, though he’s optimistic for autumn, but then as I said, he really doesn’t grasp the situation here... there’s so many shitty factors involved.
It does help though having others in a similar mess
You take care

[Karmainthedroves]

Woweth, Thank you so much for this reply. It has been wonderful reading this because I too am in the same boat. My SO is located in the UK and we are both very optimistic about meeting this year. Our
Communication is wonderful but at times it gets skewered because her internet issues at home. I’m doing my best to be patient and focus on loving her. It’s hard because this is the first time I decided to stop being selfish and I’m really pushing myself for her. I have no friends or anyone left in my life because they all decided I was nothing to them. I have my family, but they hardly understand my situation.

Your reply has done wonders in helping me cope and it brings me joy to know I am not the only one having to face these kinds horrors. Stay strong ❤️

[vivid_idea]

Hi Kate,

So sorry you are going through a rough patch atm. I think things will change quite quickly once the vaccines are readily available for everyone. They are talking about having a "vaccine passport" over here where you will be able to travel if you meet the vaccine requirements, without having to self-quarantine. Let's hope it's not long before things start to get easier. Hang in there hun, big hugs