Coping with envy of other couples

[Woweth]

Since the beginning of my relationship I’ve always struggled with being jealous of other couples who live local to one another, get to see each other often, or even live together. That’s pretty much my main goal right now, to finally be able to be with my partner full time, and I guess to see other couples achieve that so effortlessly, it kinda sucks. I so wish it was easy enough to hop in a car and go visit my partner, or just be able to decide when we wanna move in together and do it on our own accord. Instead we need approval, permission basically on when we can start our lives together, waiting endless months for a visa decision, feeling like every couple I see is being rubbed vicariously in my face.

At the same time I feel so bitter and sad for being jealous, that I can’t feel happy for others who get to have what I can’t, but I can’t help it. My boyfriend’s close friend is getting married this year, him and all his other friends, plus the bride have their own wedding group chat about it as he’s gonna be the best man, and I don’t know why but it makes me feel like crap. I wish I could be that girl, y’know? The one who got to move in with their boyfriend last year with complete ease, who’s now engaged, who’s gonna have this amazing wedding and go on to do all these things with her husband. Me on the other hand, god I couldn’t be more far away from that reality. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in months, we’re hoping may, but I really don’t know, my country is in an absolute state and it’s not getting better, so I don’t even know if that’ll happen. Meanwhile, every time I go out I see couples hand in hand, hugging, just the other day I saw what I guess was a reunion of a girl and her boyfriend, I could almost feel the second hand excitement, while asking myself, why can’t it be me?

It’s consuming. When you’re stuck in your house alone, can’t do anything or go anywhere, and you think, damn this would be amazing if he was here. I try so hard to distract myself with other things but all thoughts lead back to this, how badly I wanna be ‘that type of girl’, instead of feeling like a loser who doesn’t even get to decide when she’ll see her boyfriend, let alone ever live with him. Along with all the other hardships going on, this is just felt tenfold, am I the only one who feels so damn envious of the ones who will never know the pain of living far from the person the love, the struggles, the waiting? Sometimes I feel that way. I probably come off as so bitter, but I’m just finding it really hard. What most couples take for granted, a lazy Friday evening watching a movie together, is something I literally dream about, all you’re left thinking is why can’t it be me, why can’t it be us.

[OhioJim]

I'm afraid I don't have a direct answer to your questions, except to say that I feel the same way. Particularly with the spring weather coming. I keep thinking that my SO and I could be out taking a walk, or other fun things. Even grocery shopping together.

[D_M]

I saw what I guess was a reunion of a girl and her boyfriend, I could almost feel the second hand excitement, while asking myself, why can’t it be me?

I probably come off as so bitter, but I’m just finding it really hard. What most couples take for granted, a lazy Friday evening watching a movie together, is something I literally dream about, all you’re left thinking is why can’t it be me, why can’t it be us.

I don't know how to do multi quote but I get that too, when I see a couple who are excited to be with each other, I feel the second hand excitement.
You don't sound bitter. It IS really hard. And I'm the same. I look forward to all the obvious things but also to things that seem really mundane, like holding hands, falling asleep together, waking up beside her, a careless touch... just simply being together. I'm REALLY looking forward to all that.

[vivid_idea]

No, you are not alone. Just because you are longing for these things does not mean that you are bitter.

I live close to a beach and every time I walk down there, I see couples embracing each other and holding hands, smiling and laughing. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who is alone. I do have two children and they provide me with a lot of distraction, but it's not the same.

Having a wedding happening so close at the periphery of your experience would rightly be triggering a LOT of emotions. Weddings do that even at the best of times. I feel for you. I never even used to think I ever wanted to get married and now I often find myself daydreaming about getting married to my SO or what I would say in my vows. I cry about it sometimes out of sheer frustration.

I don't think anyone can truly understand how hard it is unless they are also in a long-distance relationship. That's why pouring your feelings out like this can be really cathartic because the people here do really understand what you are going through. When I am feeling really down about it, I try not to get too caught up in the moment and I remind myself to be patient. My time will come, and so will yours.

[Woweth]

No, you are not alone. Just because you are longing for these things does not mean that you are bitter.

I live close to a beach and every time I walk down there, I see couples embracing each other and holding hands, smiling and laughing. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who is alone. I do have two children and they provide me with a lot of distraction, but it's not the same.

Having a wedding happening so close at the periphery of your experience would rightly be triggering a LOT of emotions. Weddings do that even at the best of times. I feel for you. I never even used to think I ever wanted to get married and now I often find myself daydreaming about getting married to my SO or what I would say in my vows. I cry about it sometimes out of sheer frustration.

I don't think anyone can truly understand how hard it is unless they are also in a long-distance relationship. That's why pouring your feelings out like this can be really cathartic because the people here do really understand what you are going through. When I am feeling really down about it, I try not to get too caught up in the moment and I remind myself to be patient. My time will come, and so will yours.

That is true, and it’s a great comfort knowing I’m not the only one, I hope it works out for you and I both in the end. Thank you for the kind words