Need advice on sudden behavior change from boyfriend

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Blah blah blah , is that not one of the most annoying words ever. Like if this guy wants time alone then come and hang out over here with us ❤️ Right now im in totall mental meltdown becausr of my issues . So i think we all need a girls night out. Lets let the men go be moody and manly and let us gorls embrace our emotions. The few freinds i have dont understand what im going through but you guys fo . So we need to support and cherish the days we do feel like grumpy girlfreinds and remeber the day sre different . Do we have a a live chat here . So we can all moan & bitch together id love that . Im trying to keep myself from going insane so lets do this together ❤️ You are wonderful if he dont want to talk today then let him play his game and distract urself ❤️Hugs

Thank you Jen! 🫂
Yeah I wish there was a chat here or something. I have to admit this seems more a red flag to me than anything. I get being overwhelmed but we were texting and laughing and he seemed normal, but the moment I mentioned the voice chat he clammed up and his responses tapered off. I’m ready to throw in the towel because I’m beginning to think my trust is being taken advantage of. I didn’t even want to talk about what happened, just wanted to joke and laugh with who I thought was my best friend.

[Jen72]

I know its so annoying when that happens . When they cant take ur calls ,then yeah its a red flag . My man knows id go mental if he did that to me. So i think you need to stay low for a few days ,let him miss you and wonder why . If he gets in touch within 3 days then fine . But dont be in the loop again . and rest and dont let him get the better of you . He needs to remember you are in this together . So suddenly being this way is not polite or good for your mental health . Covid right now is stressing us all out so we all need to be mindfull regardless . Just come back here and get the support you need . Hugs ❤️

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Confused and a little angry

Hi everyone it’s me again, back with another request for advise.

So I told my bf that I was going to take a step back and give him the space he’s wanted. I pretty much went off radar for the better part of a day when suddenly he’s texting me like before. He’s wanting me to play on the game we used to spend time together but still not wanting to voice chat with me. I asked if he was feeling better and said he’s just tired. He said he’s going to visit his family over the weekend and hopes that helps him feel better. I asked if we could voice chat once he got back and all I got was a flat “maybe”.

At this point I’m feeling a little like a fish on a hook. He wants to talk to me but only over text or the game chat. I don’t know how to explain the tone of the conversations other than it feels awkward instead of that connected conversation of two people who have been on intimate terms for 2 years. He he topics are very basic and generic things and even then it feels forced. We use to send hearts to each other when we went to bed or said goodbye. That hasn’t happened in almost 2 weeks. I sent one last night when he went to bed and no response. Has anybody experienced this and what did you do? I want to give him space but every time I start to he pulls me back at arms length.

[Jen72]

Hi everyone it’s me again, back with another request for advise.

So I told my bf that I was going to take a step back and give him the space he’s wanted. I pretty much went off radar for the better part of a day when suddenly he’s texting me like before. He’s wanting me to play on the game we used to spend time together but still not wanting to voice chat with me. I asked if he was feeling better and said he’s just tired. He said he’s going to visit his family over the weekend and hopes that helps him feel better. I asked if we could voice chat once he got back and all I got was a flat “maybe”.

At this point I’m feeling a little like a fish on a hook. He wants to talk to me but only over text or the game chat. I don’t know how to explain the tone of the conversations other than it feels awkward instead of that connected conversation of two people who have been on intimate terms for 2 years. He he topics are very basic and generic things and even then it feels forced. We use to send hearts to each other when we went to bed or said goodbye. That hasn’t happened in almost 2 weeks. I sent one last night when he went to bed and no response. Has anybody experienced this and what did you do? I want to give him space but every time I start to he pulls me back at arms length.

He seems to be avoiding so much , I’d question why , you are too nice to him for sure ,its sad you are literally bending backwards to please him . he’s treating you bad and it’s confusing and hurtful. If he wants to break it off then maybe that’s why he’s avoiding the real time conversation , don’t be fooled. I can only imagine your frustrations and hurt , my thoughts and good wishes are with you,and if you want to really get an answer I’d do what he’s doing to you ,mirror his behaviour,stop trying to please him so much . Ghost him for a change,avoid temptation like online gaming . And don’t answer his texts for at least 3 days , be stronger than he knows . Don’t let him push you around and soften you up . He eh e. Think Wonder Woman he he. Men like a challenge and you need to give him one . Think of it is strategy , he’s playing with you cause you are too available . Been there myself not with my current fiancé but every other relationship all my life . empower your self girl big time.go AWOL and let him run after you ..

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

He seems to be avoiding so much , I’d question why , you are too nice to him for sure ,its sad you are literally bending backwards to please him . he’s treating you bad and it’s confusing and hurtful. If he wants to break it off then maybe that’s why he’s avoiding the real time conversation , don’t be fooled. I can only imagine your frustrations and hurt , my thoughts and good wishes are with you,and if you want to really get an answer I’d do what he’s doing to you ,mirror his behaviour,stop trying to please him so much . Ghost him for a change,avoid temptation like online gaming . And don’t answer his texts for at least 3 days , be stronger than he knows . Don’t let him push you around and soften you up . He eh e. Think Wonder Woman he he. Men like a challenge and you need to give him one . Think of it is strategy , he’s playing with you cause you are too available . Been there myself not with my current fiancé but every other relationship all my life . empower your self girl big time.go AWOL and let him run after you ..

Thanks for your words of encouragement Jen 🫂 I really appreciate it!

I agree with you about the avoidance. It’s weird to me he wants to text me but won’t actually talk to me. Ive questiones him about it several times and I just get the blah excuse and the tired excuse. I really think I won’t get the truth.

I’ve been giving some more thought to it all and part of me is starting to wonder if he’s doing this as a means to make me break it off instead of him. Like he wants me to be the one to say it’s over by pushing my limits of what I can tolerate. I don’t know how to get him to talk to me without immediately coming up with some excuse. The only time I didn’t get the tired or blah was when he had said he didn’t know what to say to me. This is getting very tiring for me.

I’m trying not to let him push me around but at the same time I’m worried he might actually be going through something? I’m just really confused.

[Bestisyettocome]

Lostinthecobbwebs I’m sorry to hear you and your SO have hit a rough patch. I think all the advice you’ve received so far is wonderful.

Have you tried mirroring your SO’s tone / mood and see how he responds when you’re not as flirty / friendly as what he’s used to?

I agree no contact / space is the best approach but when he does resume contact with you, make sure you fall back into the trap of the lovey messages. Be polite but stay calm and cool and let him come back to you.

[LoveGuru2021]

All you can do is continue to support him, If he notices you are trying, he will try harder as well. It goes both ways

[Jen72]

Reach out to freinds and family over the easter now , just try to keep urself busy and avoid over thinking . My SO often says , men just want to be men sometimes without all the lovey dovey stuff he he we woman love to constantly be in, so perhaps he just wants some space to be a man . You ssid he is visiting family at easter , well girl you do something for easter too .
He he Be with female company and try not to emotionaly bomb him with your fears and worries. As it can be a lot to handle for them . Space , silence and patience is whars needed now . So dont worry so much ❤️You are beautiful , you are loved and you are a great GF , so now give him time. And you take time for you ❤️

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

At the end of my rope

Hi everyone. Thank you all for the advice abs wonderful encouragement. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to respond to my personal crisis. I hope everyone has a good holiday weekend.

After some thought I’ve decided that if he does not at least try to talk this out with me by Tuesday, I’m done. I feel I’ve been patient and as understanding as a person can be. I’ve tried to not overthink things and distract myself, but that is incredibly hard due to the pandemic as well as my family being clear on the other side of the country from me (I’m on the west coast they are on the east). I’ve also found out some second hand information from a mutual friend we game with that he has seen my bf spending a lot of time on another game. At least this friend has seen him online a lot more frequently than before and that he’s been hanging out in discord with other people. This is after my bf told me he hasn’t talked to anyone since this happened.

It will be almost two weeks since this thing started and what conversations we’ve had felt awkward and forced. I don’t know what’s going on but I personally just cannot take much more.

[Jen72]

It might be time to press that red button ( Game over ) . You are probably experiencing a lot of different emotions right now, quite normal . Hes rude and his behaviour is rude. You have been so patient with him . Does he desserve your time and energy ? Do you desserve this emotional neglect ? Im harsh now ,because Ive been there so many times ,giving a man everything ,and now that I have met a man who loves and respect me ,the way a man should I now Know the difference. So dont let him or any man trear you this way . Real men dont hurt you they nurture you and build you up. So be brave now ❤️And remember im not being cruel by being so honost i want you to see you desserve more ❤️ Hes flirting maybe with another gamer and he dont have the balls to tell you face to face then block the shitt. Let this other girl find out for her self. If he does this to you during oneof the most hardest times in history( covid) then hes a dog. You are away from family and he should be making you a priority .Good luck my dear and if im wrong then good but if im right then you stay here talking wth every one and never feel alone or ashamed for being human . As a LDR i know the vunrability ee have so im here for you . Big hugs ❤️

[D_M]

I really feel for you Lostinthecobwebs, and I don't know what to say.
I have been in a similar situation where my SO has pulled away and become distant and I have been plunged into a whirlpool of fear and anxiety. She needed time and space, dealing with her own anxiety and fears. I don't know if it is the same for your SO.
If it were me I'd give a longer deadline, but take yourself out of the situation until then, respond if he contacts you but don't chase him at all. And try your very best to put your focus on something good in real life. Try and think of your SO as in, he's gone for a month (or 2 weeks or whatever) and I'll talk to him when he's back (emotionally available). And know at that point, you'll BOTH have had space, and you'll be in a much better place to make a call on how you want to proceed.
Whatever you decide to do, it is very tough and I'd guess nearly everyone here has been through similar times, if not exactly the same, and can sympathise.
LDR can be extremely hard and what you're going through is especially tough. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

It might be time to press that red button ( Game over ) . You are probably experiencing a lot of different emotions right now, quite normal . Hes rude and his behaviour is rude. You have been so patient with him . Does he desserve your time and energy ? Do you desserve this emotional neglect ? Im harsh now ,because Ive been there so many times ,giving a man everything ,and now that I have met a man who loves and respect me ,the way a man should I now Know the difference. So dont let him or any man trear you this way . Real men dont hurt you they nurture you and build you up. So be brave now ❤️And remember im not being cruel by being so honost i want you to see you desserve more ❤️ Hes flirting maybe with another gamer and he dont have the balls to tell you face to face then block the shitt. Let this other girl find out for her self. If he does this to you during oneof the most hardest times in history( covid) then hes a dog. You are away from family and he should be making you a priority .Good luck my dear and if im wrong then good but if im right then you stay here talking wth every one and never feel alone or ashamed for being human . As a LDR i know the vunrability ee have so im here for you . Big hugs ❤️

Thank you Jen. I really appreciate how you’ve been here for me through this 🫂 ❤️
I want to send him a message that I’ve had enough. I’m even willing to be the one to cut things because I feel like he’s pushed me to that point. My trust in him is shaken now and he’s not doing anything to help me shake it. This is going to feel like a very long weekend.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

I really feel for you Lostinthecobwebs, and I don't know what to say.
I have been in a similar situation where my SO has pulled away and become distant and I have been plunged into a whirlpool of fear and anxiety. She needed time and space, dealing with her own anxiety and fears. I don't know if it is the same for your SO.
If it were me I'd give a longer deadline, but take yourself out of the situation until then, respond if he contacts you but don't chase him at all. And try your very best to put your focus on something good in real life. Try and think of your SO as in, he's gone for a month (or 2 weeks or whatever) and I'll talk to him when he's back (emotionally available). And know at that point, you'll BOTH have had space, and you'll be in a much better place to make a call on how you want to proceed.
Whatever you decide to do, it is very tough and I'd guess nearly everyone here has been through similar times, if not exactly the same, and can sympathise.
LDR can be extremely hard and what you're going through is especially tough. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it 😊
I’m just starting to see more and more that doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’m going a bit crazy to be honest and it’s affecting me in ways that I do not believe is healthy.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Am I toxic?

The saga continues it seems....

I finally got an answer tonight as to why my bf has been distant, and I’m now questioning myself.

Look I wanna run stuff and hangout on the game and text and all that but I don’t wanna get into the spot where when we voice me leaving is a huge issue. I guess that’s what got me into this and why I’m nervous about voicing too. You always got upset if I wasn’t around. It was way too clingy than what I’m comfortable with. But I really like you. I tried to do that. But it only got worse and worse. To the point where I would come to bed tired one weekend after work and you would ask me what made me tired. Like I went out and partied or something. Work made me tired. I always felt blamed for something I didn’t do. That’s what’s going on with me. I just wanted some breathing room. I should have said something I agree but I wanted you to be happy.

It’s true when he would go out I’d get sad a little, but I’m also a very emotional person and it’s something I’ve tried to control my whole life. I didn’t realize I was doing any of this and he never said as much to me about it. If I’d have known I would have tried harder to catch myself. I don’t want to be toxic but that’s exactly how this sounds.

[Jen72]

Im so sorry to hear that . Just dont be too hard on your self . Tommorrow is a new day ❤️