Need advice on sudden behavior change from boyfriend

[Jen72]

Thats so good Vivid , i think we need to remember we have amazing men in our lifes . I had a good talk with my man today and we cleared some air .
If you ever want to PM me please do . I live on an island and id love to hear more about Australian life since ill be living there one day. When I visited i found it very hard to meet people , so when he was at work i was lonely. Next time i go over we plan to Marry so im hoping the Covid will be over soon. So i can travel down under

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your words and encouragement! Have a small update. Bf is doing ok. He’s still in the hospital and they are trying to get him out of AFIB naturally, but if that doesn’t work they have to put him under and shock his heart back into rhythm. He has massive anxiety and this whole experience has put a strain on him. He finally voiced with me last night and I was as supportive and comforting as I could be. We stopped voicing when his dad got there but he’s been texting me updates and things seem to be okay. I guess the next few days will tell.

[Jen72]

Thats so good news, im glad you got to talk . Lets hope his health scare passes and you can start to lead a healthy ldr

[D_M]

That's good news Lostinthecobwebs. Sometimes it takes something like this to help focus the heart and mind. I hope he gets well soon and you relationship gets back on track. It sounds positive for you anyway :-)

Vivid_Idea, that's great news too. Sounds like thing are improving and you're going about it the right way.

I think we all get these times when we really just have to weather the storm and hold our nerve. And remember the ultimate goal is to close the distance for life and it's the possibility to share the rest of your life with such a close special and intimate soulmate that makes all the pain of LDR worth it.

[Bella]

That is weird to read about this sudden change of behavior. My mother (35F) has issues with problems related to this. Maybe he is going threw a hard time and doesn't feel conformable to share it? He could have found someone new, and if he did, he isn't worth it! <3 There is reason why he would suddenly shut you out so suddenly so don't worry too much and see where it leads to. If you had to ask several times then something is up or he does not want to talk. If he wants space, give him that and surely he'd tell you what's up.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Communicating but there are some odd flags showing

Hi everyone!

Sorry for not posting for a few days. Have been trying to help my bf through everything after his heart scare. He’s doing good and back to work. Says he feels fine and aside from some diet changes and taking some medicine he said he feels normal.

We are communicating again but there are still some things that have me a little on edge? Or at least raising a brow. He’s still very quiet when we talk like he was before his blow up two weeks ago. When it was appropriate I asked if he still felt the same towards me and about talking like we had been before. I asked him what would be more comfortable for him. He completely ignored it. I’ve asked him twice once through text and the other while on voice. No response to the text and on voice he changed the subject and started talking about his medicine. I’ve dropped it for now thinking he’s needing more time to process what happened to him. It just seems like it should be an easy question to answer maybe? I don’t know. We still have the weekend to get through and I’m nervous he’s going to drop contact again.

This has me really stressed out but I don’t want to burden him with other things now. Hopefully I have a better update after the weekend.

[Jen72]

Thats good news he is back home , heart issues are always scary . My advice to you is simply « calm down» you said you struggle with overthinking, i do to,and ive realised how detremental it is to my health and those around me .
I know you need to know where you stand and anxiety is a real symptom . But you should be asking your self some honest questions now . 1- can i cope in a LDR . 2- does it heighten my anxiety .

I had to recently ask my self those questions as my trauma from previous relationships always get in the way . So i try and tell myself each day , « if he dont want to be with me , he would not spend time with me « its that simple . Im harsh i know but im trying to be realistic also because the more i see it the more i moan about mundane things the bigger chance i have of losing my man . So im in therapy now , and when i get jealous and insecure im comming her to talk and write , men are not that hard if we woman can only see that when we over moan and are insecure we make our men feel useless . A man needs to feel like a man . So lets give them some slavk and tell them how much we appreciate them , tell them how they make us feel , tell them they are funny and cute . Men need to be seen in a relationship just as much as we woman . My man has tought me this , when im insecure he feels helpless as a man . Men by nature need there woman to feel safe . So what will make you feel safe , constant I love you and compliments ? I ask my self these questions daily and my answer to my self is , learn to love my self .
I apolagise for being so blunt , but i see a lot of my self in you. And im worried that you are struggling more than you should . Please think about your own health ❤️

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Thats good news he is back home , heart issues are always scary . My advice to you is simply « calm down» you said you struggle with overthinking, indo to and ive realised how detremental it is to my health and those around me .
I know you need to know where you stand and anxiety is a real symptom . But you should be asking your self some honest questions now . 1- can i cope in a LDR . 2- does ot heighten my anxiety . I had to recently ask my self those questions as my trauma from previous relationships always get in the way . So i try and tell myself each day , « if he dont want to be with me , he would not spend time with me « its that simple . Im harsh i know but im trying to be realistic also

Thank you Jen, I don’t think it’s harsh. It’s the truth and your right I need to calm down. I just get lost inside my head I suppose. I try to be patient but sometimes it’s so hard. I’ll try to take a step back and get a hold on things.

[Jen72]

Yes , come here and read everyones post and realise there is a general pattern in our talking . We are all feeling the same in regards to the issues . We are not alone , we have each other here to moan . Self talk in the brain , twists and pulls us away from the most importnt factor and that is LOVE. So lets be love . Show our partners , patience , understanding , trust and love for the small interactions instead of hoping for big gestures . The fact we choose to do this type of relationship means more than just words. We need to show love in the small things too . Hm lets count our blessings . Im a romantic , so i read romantic poems and breathe them into me he he love we can find in all the nooks and crannies , we just got to look ❤️ Hugs

[vivid_idea]

Hi there,

So glad to hear your boyfriend is getting better now. I just wanted to say that when you press him for info about his feelings etc it is probably triggering him into thinking that you are being needy like he said before the heart issue. It’s probably really important that you keep things nice and positive between the two of you without trying to pull him into emotional talks. He probably feels pretty sensitive/work out atm and would appreciate you showing him that you can be strong even when he is a bit withdrawn. I know it’s really hard to do this but it will likely make him relax with you more and ultimately make your connection stronger.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Hi there,

So glad to hear your boyfriend is getting better now. I just wanted to say that when you press him for info about his feelings etc it is probably triggering him into thinking that you are being needy like he said before the heart issue. It’s probably really important that you keep things nice and positive between the two of you without trying to pull him into emotional talks. He probably feels pretty sensitive/work out atm and would appreciate you showing him that you can be strong even when he is a bit withdrawn. I know it’s really hard to do this but it will likely make him relax with you more and ultimately make your connection stronger.

Your probably right. I’m trying to give him space but at the same time I kinda feel left out in the cold too. He’s barely texted me at all today and I have a feeling it’s going to be radio silence again over the weekend like it has been the last three weekends. I know this is going to sound heartless but I can’t do that anymore.

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

So I’m finally ending things tonight

Hi everyone,

So sad to say this saga isn’t going to have the happy ending I hoped it would. Another weekend has come and gone and within the last three days I can count on one hand how many times we’ve talked. I finally asked him if this is how he wants things to be or what would make him comfortable, all I got in response (almost 5 hours later and this was after he told me he had nothing going on) was this:

”well I like my me time but I miss you too.

I’m sorry but to me that is not an answer and really feels like he’s not wanting to put any work in a compromise. It’s been three weeks and I’ve done my damnest to be patient and understanding, but I need something on my end too. I was more than willing to compromise but he never wanted to talk about it. He always changed the subject or ignored the topic. Even after I tried to be there after his heart scare he withdrew. I’m finally at the end of my rope and sent him the following:

I’m sorry but that’s not an answer and these last three weeks have felt like a slow ghosting. I have done my best to be patient and understanding so you can have the space you’ve asked for, but I really can’t do this anymore.
I’m sorry I made you feel like I was in the way or a burden or whatever it was that made you pull away from me like this; but I really don’t think I did anything bad enough to not even be given the courtesy of trying to find a compromise and be treated like a nuisance.
I don’t know what you have going on but whatever it is I hope it works out for you and your happy in the end.

Thank you all for your support and advice. I really appreciate all of you!

[D_M]

Very sorry to hear this Lostinthecobwebs. My heart goes out to you. Did he respond to your final text?

[Lostinthecobbwebs]

Very sorry to hear this Lostinthecobwebs. My heart goes out to you. Did he respond to your final text?

No, nothing since that text which has really put me in a dark place the last few days. I’m working out of it slowly though. My sister has been a great support and I’ve just been trying to keep busy.

Thank you for the sympathies, I really appreciate it 🙂

[Susy 3]

Hi,

I’ve just joined this forum, I have been in a LDR for a year and similar to yourself everything was working fine. We would talk most nights text in the day and he was coming up once or twice a month for the weekend. Just the last 6weeks he has stopped messaging as much and if I message him I get no repky ir he doesn’t reply for hours. He was here lat weekend and I tried to approach him about it but he got angry and moe or less implied I was insecure. We had a good weekend and he was talking future plans but now he’s gone home and hardly contacted me again I am really down and depressed and this time I haven’t made any contact either, I just don’t know what to think anymore. I have found myself single at 62 through marriage break up as hubby cheated, I just don’t want to be hurt again and this is really hurting me. I sympathise with your situation and hope it works out.