Relocate after 45

[Jen72]

Im going to be 49 this year . Im curious to know if any one in my age group has relocated to be with there SO . How was it leaving your adult children ?Do you struggle ? Im terrified having to think that I may have to relocate . Me and my Fiance plan to stay over in Australia whilst he works and saves money . So when he relocates to me it will be easier. I struggle thinking i have to leave my daughter for a few months every year until he moves to me. Any advice would be so appreciatedp

[vivid_idea]

Hi Jen,

How old is your daughter?

I have two children (still young) and so my SO has always planned to relocate to me. In saying that, in the future I would like to spend time with him over in Germany. The thought makes me anxious because I don’t like the idea of being separated from my kids for too long.

I know that as they get older, they will get on with their own lives and it will be more reasonable to spend time apart. Luckily, it is so easy to stay in touch via the internet now. If you are apart you will still be able to video chat and call as often as you both need. It’s completely possible to foster a healthy connection with your daughter still.

Even though we are parents, I believe we deserve to seek out our own happiness. True love is worth fighting for and, if your daughter is old enough, she will understand.

I know that it’s far from ideal and the idea of being so far away from a child is heart wrenching. I feel a weight in my chest even thinking about a couple of weeks away from them. So I totally get it.

[Jen72]

She is 21 and she is a great kid , shes had some issues caused by my traumatic divorce and court case with my x. But now shes in therapy and getting the help she needs. So she knows that im going to move over to Australia part time until the circumstances are suitable for him . So imagine ill be living here and there for the next few years . Im terrified at my age to start the process but i desserve love too, and this guy is the love of my life, my best freind and soul mate my daughter is always telling me its fine and I desserve to be happy but you cant help and feel guilty in wanting to love . Every day is different , some days we are totally onboard and other days we are so far apart its hard work so how long have you guys been together? So hes been to Australia?

[vivid_idea]

Yes it can be very up and down sometimes. We have been together for 2.5 years and he has come out to see me twice in Australia. The first time we met in my home city (where I no longer live) and the second time he came to where I live and met my kids. That was very intense. I still have not flown to Germany to see his home or meet his family. I would like to plan a trip but Covid is making that impossible. I, also, have anxiety about leaving my kids with my ex. I think if I went to him then I could not stay for any longer than 2 weeks because of my kids. Aus to Germany is a long way, though, and I wish I could make it a longer trip. I think a short trip would be better than no trip at all, however.

[D_M]

Hi Jen,
I'm nearly 50 and if everything works out with my SO, which I really feel it will, then I fully intend to make the move to her in a couple of years.
Everyone's circumstances are different. She has a lot of family and support around her and I don't (this is not my home city/country) so she would lose a lot by moving to me.
And I have a son who is 16 so I am waiting until he is 18 when I hope he goes to University, or travels. By then he should have become a lot more independent.
Ironically, I am staying here for him at the moment but I haven't seen him in 8 months since he found out that I had a new relationship. He's going to counseling but I am pretty sure his mum, my ex, has skewed things and had made it difficult for him to accept things.
The main thing for me is that my son is happy and healthy in whatever he is doing. I've always expected he would fly and find his own path just as I did. And I also have the right to be happy and live a full life, just as you said. And I see my SO as being a major part of that happiness, as I will be for her.
Don't be afraid, think of a date which will give you enough time to be sure and see what happens.

[Jen72]

Hi Jen,
I'm nearly 50 and if everything works out with my SO, which I really feel it will, then I fully intend to make the move to her in a couple of years.
Everyone's circumstances are different. She has a lot of family and support around her and I don't (this is not my home city/country) so she would lose a lot by moving to me.
And I have a son who is 16 so I am waiting until he is 18 when I hope he goes to University, or travels. By then he should have become a lot more independent.
Ironically, I am staying here for him at the moment but I haven't seen him in 8 months since he found out that I had a new relationship. He's going to counseling but I am pretty sure his mum, my ex, has skewed things and had made it difficult for him to accept things.
The main thing for me is that my son is happy and healthy in whatever he is doing. I've always expected he would fly and find his own path just as I did. And I also have the right to be happy and live a full life, just as you said. And I see my SO as being a major part of that happiness, as I will be for her.
Don't be afraid, think of a date which will give you enough time to be sure and see what happens.

Thank you,for those Words of encouragement ,as an older LDR it is scary as you Are leaving children and familiy. But «love conquers all»so i like to Remind myself.
Like you,I live in a country that is not my Home city /country i stayed her for my daughter. She s 21 now trying to figure out things what she wants to study etc so Im around until shes ready to say its ok., Im hoping she will come with me for a while just to expereince another place . Im so lucky to have a supportive partner in that respekt, he does want to relocate to Europe but for now Im happy spending my time in Booth countries . I do worry about so many things but I am an over thinker too.
It’s so amazing really thinking how we fell in love over the internet, we do plan to marry so I can’t wait for that day.
So where is your SO located?and have you been together a long time ?if that’s ok to ask. Thanks Jen

[D_M]

It’s so amazing really thinking how we fell in love over the internet, we do plan to marry so I can’t wait for that day.
So where is your SO located?and have you been together a long time ?if that’s ok to ask. Thanks Jen

Yeah, I never would have believed it if you'd told me a year ago. Yet 2 weeks later it all got set in motion :-)
My SO is on the other side of Australia, 5 hours flight. Any other state and we'd have seen each other already but because of interstate borders going up (IMH) a bit too quickly, it will have been a year since we met that we haven't met IRL yet. But 2 weeks to go today!!!

[Jen72]

5 hours away that cool . Im in Norway and my man is in Melbourne so long to travel , but its worth it hope u have fun ��

[vivid_idea]

Ironically, I am staying here for him at the moment but I haven't seen him in 8 months since he found out that I had a new relationship. He's going to counseling but I am pretty sure his mum, my ex, has skewed things and had made it difficult for him to accept things.

Hmm this is such a heartbreaking situation D_M, and I know what it feels like. My ex has badmouthed my SO to our children. It just confuses the kids and makes it difficult for them to understand and accept a new person in their life. It surely made it very challenging when he visited. I am working on it with them and I hope they gradually accept the idea of him being around.

[D_M]

Thanks Vivid_Idea. It's very hard. I hear he is now taller than me, which just makes me realise how much time I've lost. That's pretty horrible of your ex to badmouth your SO. But it makes you glad he's your ex lol. I'm sure your kids will accept your SO when they see you both happy an that happiness will spread to them and they'll enjoy being around you.
Take care.

[Jen72]

There is something which i found out later in life , but its a true statement “ A happy mum is happy children “ . Being a single parent for 18 years taught me that . We have to remember we borrow our children , we love them , care for them , and teach them . So they can one day leave the nest . But when we always put them first we forget we also need to be loved and cared for . Your kids when they see you happy will understand this .
So as long as you are open and honest your children will adapt . They have a dad , and your BF is not taken over his role , he is not going to steal mom away either these are words kids like to hear especially if they are getting jealous . Its hard for a new partner to fit in but a family takes time to grow as well . Im sure the kids are going to like him the more hes around . Wow , you are lucky to be so young and the kids if they get the chance would love Germany and europe . So perhaps do a fun activity learn some German with the kids to surprise youre man when he comes over . German is quite a fun language .. and the kids will love at “ kinder “ as in kinder egg is a german word .which means children . By involving them like this its probably helps you to . Its not easy sharing your love as a mom.. I made the mistake of remaining single for 18 years , because all i thought about was my kid and her needs . I forgot to live life. And i realised that too late . So remember you can be mom and still a woman who deserves to be loved and have fun. As for youre x man saying stuff to the kids , he jealous and you cant let that ruin your happyness . So if the kids oppion of youre BF is swayed by his attitude then you prove him wrong . Tell ur kids , daddy needs extra love because hes upset . Then he will realize hes being bad .

[kate04]

I'm your age Jen. I get it totally and my kids are young . My bio says 35 (typo and I don't know how to change it!!) I am terrified of time running away and getting older and older and my kids hating me, but at the same time of wasting my life being 'dutiful'.

To be honest I'm freewheeling at he moment and that terrifies me too. I'm trying to use this period of isolation as thinking / growing / planning time. Sometimes it's successful and I feel positive; other times not so much.