SO can't keep in touch with me at his "drink nights"?

[underthewater]

Hi everyone, I'm seeing my SO in less than a week!!

Well, just a quick question here since it has bothered me for a while. My SO always goes for some drinks on Friday night ever since I knew him, and I'm fine with it. When he's still living in my city, he'd send me a few texts during Friday and let me know he's off to drinks. Then I'd go to his place or we go out on Sat.

Now he is away and this routine is not changed, which is not a problem for me. But I find that he can't keep in touch with me when he goes for drinks-he may send a couple of messages during the day, but later he'd either: a) not call when he said he would, or b) not pick up the phone when he asked me to call him at a certain time, or c) have no response to my texts, or d) not pick up the phone when I called. Then on Sat. after he wakes up he'll call or text me and explain.

I definitely don't want to be a "killjoy girlfriend" who calls every hour to check on her boyfriend when he's simply sitting in a bar hangout with his mates, I simply think since we can only talk on phone now, maybe we can still have a short chat at his "drink night"? Or should I just leave him alone for that day of the week? He has no problem calling me everyday for the rest of the week.

[Tabitha]

You and my SO could relate on this. I have a problem keeping in touch with him when I go out with friends. He always thinks I'm ignoring him, and in my case, it's not that I'm not keeping in touch with him on purpose so much as I get preoccupied with my friends idiotic behavior (lol), or the bar is really loud and I simply don't hear my phone.

[MadMolly]

I wouldn't worry about it so much. I never check my phone when I go out drinking just because I'm preoccupied like Tabitha says. If he's very good with every other night, I think it's fine to have one night where he just does his own thing and you do yours.

[underthewater]

^Hi thanks! But do you always manage to text him or return his call after you leave the bar/your friends? Or you're tired/drunk most of the time so you'll just leave it till the next day?

It's really annoying when my SO said "I'm going home soon, it's too noisy here, I'll call you once I go back home!" and then nothing for the rest of the night:<

[Élan]

Perhaps he thinks it's too late when he finally gets home. I know I've had drunk nights in the past with friends where I don't get home 2-3AM, which I considered too late to be texting my SO in case he was sleeping.

[Stubborn Hope]

Myself, and my SO, often get caught up in what's going on if we're out with friends, especially if drinking is involved. Pardon my language, but as they say, shit happens.

When your SO says he's leaving the bar, something else may come up that completely changes what he plans to do afterwards - i.e. going to a friend's house to continue hanging out. Since he's not thinking as clearly as he might otherwise, he might forget what he told you. He's just enjoying the moment, with the people he's around and in the place he's at, which is important for both of you to do now and again.

I know that doesn't make it any less annoying, but understanding helps make things easier for me to handle.

[underthewater]

^But I'm 7 hours later, so 3am there is only 8pm here. And I told him it annoyed me before, the most he could say was "Sorry! I was pretty drunk last night/I was waiting for my phone to get charged and I fell asleep the moment I closed my eyes."

Maybe we should have some agreement like "text during the day and no need to have phone calls on Friday night";<

[Stubborn Hope]

Sounds like a good plan.

[Moon]

Mine does the same thing, he meets up with two friends he's had since kindergarten (he's 39 now) at a pub every Friday after work. No big deal, I know I won't hear from him, but it's great because we get some space that way. He's 7 hours ahead of me, but there have been nights when they'll go back to one of their apartments and continue. I don't want him to have to worry about me on those days, I'm just glad he's having fun and that he has good friends to do all his guy stuff with. Let him go with it, it probably rejuvenates him after a long week, and it's only one night. Go do something for yourself on Friday that's completely separate from him, you'll both appreciate each other more.

[underthewater]

Thanks everyone! I guess the reason why I brouht this up in the first place was that this Friday was a public holiday there so he had some drinks on Thursday after work, did this thing and then he went out with some new mates he just met on Friday and had some drinks on Friday night, and this happened again:<

[Rugger]

If it bothers you that much, I would talk to him about it. My SO and I have no problem texting when we are out with friends. We only get to text at night because of work, so it's either than or not talk to him that day. If I'm really in a place where I can't talk, I'll tell him and then text him before I go to bed. But that's just T and I.

[Karringtyn]

Mine does the same thing, he meets up with two friends he's had since kindergarten (he's 39 now) at a pub every Friday after work. No big deal, I know I won't hear from him, but it's great because we get some space that way. He's 7 hours ahead of me, but there have been nights when they'll go back to one of their apartments and continue. I don't want him to have to worry about me on those days, I'm just glad he's having fun and that he has good friends to do all his guy stuff with. Let him go with it, it probably rejuvenates him after a long week, and it's only one night. Go do something for yourself on Friday that's completely separate from him, you'll both appreciate each other more.

Very awesome way of looking at it!

[Andy]

I don't drink but Tanja does (barely these days now though) but when she goes out with her friends we'll usually talk earlier in the day or at least text if she doesn't have time then I'll leave her have a good time with her friends. She usually texts me at least once or twice during the night (often at about 5am to say she's home now lol) but I'm more than happy for her to forget about me for the night and enjoy her time with her friends as she doesn't get to see them too often

[Tanja]

I wouldn't be worried about this. He's having a good time with his friends and if you guys still call every other night of the week I think it's perfectly ok that he gets to do his own thing once a week. You should do the same, it's important to have a life outside your SO as well.

[underthewater]

Thanks everyone, so yesterday's "no response" turned out to be a totally different story...he texted me after he went to have some seafood with friends he met the night before on a small island near Hong Kong, he said "Had the best seafood ever babe but VERY expensive. Won't go back sleeping now. Kisses" so I thought he'd have a few drinks after the seafood and I asked if we could chat a bit, no response. And today he told me he went to sleep really early last night, the text is supposed to be "Have the best seafood ever babe but VERY expensive, won't go back. Sleeping now. Kisses"