he cheated

[stacyrose]

He confessed today. Happened probably around a month ago, or a little less than a month ago.

I'm surprised...yet not surprised, because that was a really rough spot for us. We had just had a major flaw in our moving plans and they are squashed until neither of us knows when. He was being distant and I was just a big mess due to a number of stresses and the fact I had to deal with his mixed signals and bizarre behaviors I just wasn't really that fun to be around.

But anyways, he had been hanging out with this girl at work. I of course wasn't thrilled since I knew she liked him but I trusted that he knew his boundaries (despite going to dinner with her to Chevy's on one occasion which he knew I wasn't happy with). He was loyal in the past so I just trusted him. Even though that entire month I had a strange feeling something was off with him, and us, but I had no idea what.

Turns out one day they were hanging out and she asked if she could move his car from one spot closer to her house, just a little ways. He of course said no (he refuses to let anyone drive his car). But then he said, "If you really want to drive it, I'm going to require something in return." Which turned out to be, a kiss.

And according to him they kissed no more than 4 or 5 times. In his defense he claimed he was certain she would say no, but once she said yes he decided to abandon all morals and follow through with the agreement.

I'm not angry as much as I am disappointed, because I just expected so much more out of him. I know that was a rough time for the both of us and he let his wrong state of mind and raging hormones get the best of him. I'm just not quite sure what to think at this point.

[LadyMarchHare]

Personally I wouldn't care how rough the patch was, it's no excuse for cheating. At the very least he told you, though I'm not keen on him doing it a month later. I had a friend whose boyfriend (who had moved an hour away) slept with another girl because she was 'coming on to him' and he told her 6 months later.

I'm sorry he did that and none of us can say leave him/don't because that's your decision. I just think that says something about him if a problem is going to have him eying other girls and kissing them/sleeping with them/whatever. It's a hefty flaw in character.

[stacyrose]

Believe me, I'm not excusing him for it. I am not breaking up with him, as stupid as that may be. He apologized for not telling me right away, the only reason he didnt he said is because I was pretty messed up over him at the time and he figured it might push me over the edge, which would probably be true. We are both in a better place so I'm glad he was upfront about it and didnt hide it any longer. It's just one of those things where I think "IDC if he cheats once I'm gone" because it's not always that easy...

[Zephii]

Well, if he honestly stopped at kissing, and had the balls to confess on his own, I guess that's positive right?

It'll be hard to recover that trust, but hopefully it opens the way for better communication too.

*Sighs* I do honestly believe that when it comes to men they are either going to cheat on you, or they will beat you. That's the good ones. The bad ones do both. I'm trying to have more faith than that, but, well it's slow going. I am very sorry this has happened to you.

I'm assuming you are going to try and move past this and continue the relationship?
I'm here to listen if you need someone...

[stacyrose]

Well, if he honestly stopped at kissing, and had the balls to confess on his own, I guess that's positive right?

It'll be hard to recover that trust, but hopefully it opens the way for better communication too.

*Sighs* I do honestly believe that when it comes to men they are either going to cheat on you, or they will beat you. That's the good ones. The bad ones do both. I'm trying to have more faith than that, but, well it's slow going. I am very sorry this has happened to you.

I'm assuming you are going to try and move past this and continue the relationship?
I'm here to listen if you need someone...

I'm glad he was honest about it and yes, we are going to work past this and move forward. I always had faith that he would never do anything like this, but men are men, and sometimes it just takes one bad day and one lapse in judgment. Its horrible. But when he called me today he was genuine and sorry and even though he dosnt have all my trust anymore, he's willing to do what he can to make it up to me and make it work.

[Moon]

Since he came clean about it, and it was just kissing, forgiving him is understandable. I'd definitely put some boundaries on him regarding that skank though, as in no personal contact or conversation whatsoever, except when necessary for work. He can skip the after-work festivities too, if she'll be there.

He didn't have to tell you, so his feelings for you must be pretty strong. LDR's can be confusing at times, I don't think he'd tell you if he ever planned on it happening again. I usually never stick up for cheaters, but this is a little different. Good luck.

[stacyrose]

Since he came clean about it, and it was just kissing, forgiving him is understandable. I'd definitely put some boundaries on him regarding that skank though, as in no personal contact or conversation whatsoever, except when necessary for work. He can skip the after-work festivities too, if she'll be there.

He didn't have to tell you, so his feelings for you must be pretty strong. LDR's can be confusing at times, I don't think he'd tell you if he ever planned on it happening again. I usually never stick up for cheaters, but this is a little different. Good luck.

Well he no longer goes to that job anymore, he just recently got a new one at Claim Jumpers, so contact between the two shouldn't ever happen again =]

[Zephii]

Good on you for sticking with him and trying to work it out. I'm glad that he wont be working with her anymore.

Oh and if nay-sayers tell you that "once a cheater, always a cheater", don't let that get you down. Everyone has the capacity to be weak and have a lapse, and people do learn from that. Having messed up once does not make a person somehow more likely to do it again.

[Rugger]

Girl, I envy your strength. You are a saint in my book to be able to work through something like cheating. I wouldn't be able to take the thought of my man kissing someone else.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Silviar]

I'm sorry. What a difficult position your in. It's ok to not know what you feel. Give yourself some space to decide where you stand, and you can go from there.

And you can always change your mind. *hugs*

[JoMarie]

Well, if he honestly stopped at kissing, and had the balls to confess on his own, I guess that's positive right?

It'll be hard to recover that trust, but hopefully it opens the way for better communication too.

*Sighs* I do honestly believe that when it comes to men they are either going to cheat on you, or they will beat you. That's the good ones. The bad ones do both. I'm trying to have more faith than that, but, well it's slow going. I am very sorry this has happened to you.

I'm assuming you are going to try and move past this and continue the relationship?
I'm here to listen if you need someone...

I agree with this through and through. At least it wasn't sex, and at least he told you. I don't blame you for trying to work it out. I envy your strength. Everyone does have a lapse in judgement at one point or another, and like she said if you need someone to talk to I'm here.

[sam]

Good on you for sticking with him and trying to work it out. I'm glad that he wont be working with her anymore.

This. Even if my SO confessed and said what it was (whether I believe her if I know she's capable of that or not is a different matter ) I dont think I could forgive her. Good for you for giving him a second chance

[Caitlin2009]

ya know.....i wouldnt fully believe he just kissed her, i mean if he's been less then honest with you about that in the first place he most likely has done other things with her, the trust for me would be gone and there would be no way i could take him back after that. course these are my feelings and opinions *shrugs*

[sam]

ya know.....i wouldnt fully believe he just kissed her, i mean if he's been less then honest with you about that in the first place he most likely has done other things with her

This is what I was thinking, but I didnt wanna make it sound like I was hating on her for taking him back/forgiving him or whatever

[Casey]

I'm glad you don't agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" because it couldn't be further from the truth.
Keep your head high, ignore anyone telling you what decisions to make and have a serious chat with him.
Only the two of you can decide on where to go from here. The only thing that's for certain is that he will have to work on rebuilding your trust and that may take a while and he definitely cannot rush it.