Hey guys,
This is my very first post on this forum. I felt like I needed to share my LDR story because of two reasons: first, I really need someone to talk to about it since my LDR has always been a secret and writing this will be some kind of therapy for me. And secondly, I hope it might be useful for other girls who have similar doubts to mine.
I met him online two years ago, when he was on his military deployment. I live in Europe, he's from the US. From the very beginning of our online conversations we felt this huge connection between us. He was intelligent, funny, we seemed to have similar sense of humour and could talk for hours and hours. And we did. Endless hours of online chatting. We switched from the dating platform to messenger to talk even more. Naturally, soon after he suggested meeting in person. I agreed, but because I'm really careful with people I meet online, didn't decide on the exact date. I told him I would meet him when I feel I can trust him. So we continued messaging. He told me about his job, about the place he lived in, about his brothers, even about his pets, sent me loads of pictures of them.
After a few weeks, I asked him if there was someone waiting for him back in his country. He was like "well, there was a girl, but I'm not sure". He told me that he did have a girlfriend, but he volunteered for the deployment to kind of escape and give them some time to think about their relationship. He said she was having some emotional problems and was even on some psychological therapy and drug treatment. That he knew it wasn't her fault and couldn't blame her for behaving the way she did but at the same time he wasn't strong enough to go through this with her.
Then, a few days later he admitted that the facebook account he was using to talk to me was fake. It had his real photos but he changed the name. So I asked him to tell me his real name. He did. Of course, I searched him right away. Imagine how shocked I was when I saw photos of him... with his wife and children. A beautiful, happy family. Then I had a peek at his wife's profile where there were way more pictures of them spending time together.
I didn't tell him I knew at once. I decided to give him a chance to tell me himself. He did not. The next day I searched his real facebook profile again. He changed his privacy settings so that I could only see his profile picture and basically nothing more. So a few days later, when he was trying to ask me out on a date again, I texted back "I wonder what your wife would think about such an idea".
He didn't expect that. He said he was trying to find courage to tell me the truth and that he probably would soon but he was too afraid I would stop talking to him. And at first, this was what I wanted to do (and should have done). He told me he had been dreading this moment for a few weeks and begged me to at least let him explain things to me. I agreed.
He told me that the things between them were far worse than they looked in the photos. That all he told me about his wife's mental problems was true, that sometimes he fears she might be a threat (unintentionally) to the kids because there are days when she's really down and doesn't take care of them and that's why her mum moved to their house when he was deployed to Europe. That he was thinking about a divorce a few years ago, but stayed because of her condition, he couldn't leave her like that. That they stopped sleeping together soon after their last child was born which was about 3 years. Long story short, it was a loveless marriage in his opinion.
I told him I wasn'g going to meet him in person because I don't date married guys. He said he understood and respected that. But asked me to at least keep on talking to him because he felt he's never had a friend as close as he felt I was to him, that he really needed to talk to me on a daily basis because he felt he could trust me and confide in me and that he felt I was like a soulmate to him, like a friend whom he had known for years although he knew me for a month or two at that time.
So we talked. And talked and talked for another month. Eventually, he went back to the topic of meeting in person. Said we were having such a great time online and that we should at least meet once, hang out as friends.
So I agreed to go on a concert with him. When we met, we both felt physically attracted to each other. He's tall and handsome, with sparkling bright eyes and a charming smile. He also told me I looked "even more beautiful" than in the pictures. He started shortening the distance, I didn't object. Before we said goodbye at the end of the meeting, he kissed me. I couldn't resist and kissed him back. And so the affair started.
I didn't want to meet him too often because I was scared of my own feelings towards him. And I always had this terrible feeling that I was somehow stealing him from the woman he belonged to although he assured me he hasn't been hers for a long time. Not long after, he told me he loved me. I didn't believe him, I told him he was just infatuated and that it was just some physical attraction he was feeling. But he said he knew it was more than that because he wanted me to be safe, loved and cared for no matter if it was with him or with someone else, he just wanted all the best things for me. I asked him not to use such strong words after such a short time of knowing each other because I believe you need way more time to be sure you truly love someone. And saying "I love you" is something you should never do unless you're totally sure you really do.
We went on a couple of dates. Some of them ended up in a hotel room. The physical attraction we felt went hand in hand with the emotional bond we were creating. We were still talking a lot, laughing a lot, having a blast at the dates. After a few months I was madly in love. He started thinking about building a future together. He said he was angry with himself for not having divorced before the deployment because if he did, he would be able to pursue me the way I deserved - meet my friends and family, tell his dear ones he was dating me, stop doing all this secret dating thing. He told me again that he loved me. That he was absolutely certain of this. Although I knew at that moment that I loved him too, I didn't tell him that. I was afraid. I was careful because I've been hurt in my previous relationships.
Another few months passed and our relationship grew stronger. We were having this wonderful emotional bond, the physical aspects were also perfect. But his deployment was coming to an end. When we met this last time, he told me he was going to see me soon. I told him not to come back unless the divorce is finalised. He was determined to end his marriage as soon as possible because he knew he should have done that a long time ago.
He went back to the US at the beginning of 2020. Moved to another state. His wife and children stayed in their house. He started a new job and began the divorce process. Then the covid started. He told me the divorce was taking longer than he expected because the courts were shut. But we were still maintaining the contact, messaging every day, occassionally making phone calls. All the time he was assuring me of his feelings. Almost every day he told me he missed me like crazy. That if not covid, he would have visited me many times, but he couldn't travel. I understood that and reminded him that I wouldn't want to see him anyway as long as he was not single again. He blamed covid for that fact too.
So we were continuing in this LDR because there was no other option. We had a routine of saying good morning and good night to each other every single day. We messaged a lot, kept each other updated on our separate lives. He told me he loved me a lot, that he couldn't wait to see me. We were still madly in love, although on two different ends of the Atlantic. When I had doubts about this relationship and how it's going to be in the future, he was always telling me that he knows it's hard, for him too, but at the same time he knows it's worth the effort. He's always been absolutely certain this was going to work.
About two months ago the frequency of our conversations dropped suddenly. There were some days he didn't text at all. Sometimes whole weekends. I'm not the kind of person who would constantly hang on a man and force him to tell me everything he was doing but that wasn't his usual behaviour so I asked him about that. He told me he had a lot of work. He also bought a new house and had a lot to do in it, redecorating it and keeping in clean. Every third weekend he was also having an army drill. Plus, there were days he was visiting his kids and spending time with them. All in all, he had a lot on his plate and I didn't blame him for it. But he assured me again that his feelings did not change and that he wanted a future with me so bad, and that missed me every single day, that he was feeling extra lonely sometimes and wished I was there with him. He also said he would make more effort to find time to talk to me regularly because he didn't want to lose me. We talked, but it wasn't the same kind of quality conversations we were having before. Just some "how are you" and "how's the weather". I started to back out because I felt he stopped trying. I thought he just lost interest so I asked him to think about what he really wants. And that if I am no longer part of his future plans, I would not force him to anything. He said he was 100% sure he wants me in his life. And that he always misses me.
This is my very first post on this forum. I felt like I needed to share my LDR story because of two reasons: first, I really need someone to talk to about it since my LDR has always been a secret and writing this will be some kind of therapy for me. And secondly, I hope it might be useful for other girls who have similar doubts to mine.
I met him online two years ago, when he was on his military deployment. I live in Europe, he's from the US. From the very beginning of our online conversations we felt this huge connection between us. He was intelligent, funny, we seemed to have similar sense of humour and could talk for hours and hours. And we did. Endless hours of online chatting. We switched from the dating platform to messenger to talk even more. Naturally, soon after he suggested meeting in person. I agreed, but because I'm really careful with people I meet online, didn't decide on the exact date. I told him I would meet him when I feel I can trust him. So we continued messaging. He told me about his job, about the place he lived in, about his brothers, even about his pets, sent me loads of pictures of them.
After a few weeks, I asked him if there was someone waiting for him back in his country. He was like "well, there was a girl, but I'm not sure". He told me that he did have a girlfriend, but he volunteered for the deployment to kind of escape and give them some time to think about their relationship. He said she was having some emotional problems and was even on some psychological therapy and drug treatment. That he knew it wasn't her fault and couldn't blame her for behaving the way she did but at the same time he wasn't strong enough to go through this with her.
Then, a few days later he admitted that the facebook account he was using to talk to me was fake. It had his real photos but he changed the name. So I asked him to tell me his real name. He did. Of course, I searched him right away. Imagine how shocked I was when I saw photos of him... with his wife and children. A beautiful, happy family. Then I had a peek at his wife's profile where there were way more pictures of them spending time together.
I didn't tell him I knew at once. I decided to give him a chance to tell me himself. He did not. The next day I searched his real facebook profile again. He changed his privacy settings so that I could only see his profile picture and basically nothing more. So a few days later, when he was trying to ask me out on a date again, I texted back "I wonder what your wife would think about such an idea".
He didn't expect that. He said he was trying to find courage to tell me the truth and that he probably would soon but he was too afraid I would stop talking to him. And at first, this was what I wanted to do (and should have done). He told me he had been dreading this moment for a few weeks and begged me to at least let him explain things to me. I agreed.
He told me that the things between them were far worse than they looked in the photos. That all he told me about his wife's mental problems was true, that sometimes he fears she might be a threat (unintentionally) to the kids because there are days when she's really down and doesn't take care of them and that's why her mum moved to their house when he was deployed to Europe. That he was thinking about a divorce a few years ago, but stayed because of her condition, he couldn't leave her like that. That they stopped sleeping together soon after their last child was born which was about 3 years. Long story short, it was a loveless marriage in his opinion.
I told him I wasn'g going to meet him in person because I don't date married guys. He said he understood and respected that. But asked me to at least keep on talking to him because he felt he's never had a friend as close as he felt I was to him, that he really needed to talk to me on a daily basis because he felt he could trust me and confide in me and that he felt I was like a soulmate to him, like a friend whom he had known for years although he knew me for a month or two at that time.
So we talked. And talked and talked for another month. Eventually, he went back to the topic of meeting in person. Said we were having such a great time online and that we should at least meet once, hang out as friends.
So I agreed to go on a concert with him. When we met, we both felt physically attracted to each other. He's tall and handsome, with sparkling bright eyes and a charming smile. He also told me I looked "even more beautiful" than in the pictures. He started shortening the distance, I didn't object. Before we said goodbye at the end of the meeting, he kissed me. I couldn't resist and kissed him back. And so the affair started.
I didn't want to meet him too often because I was scared of my own feelings towards him. And I always had this terrible feeling that I was somehow stealing him from the woman he belonged to although he assured me he hasn't been hers for a long time. Not long after, he told me he loved me. I didn't believe him, I told him he was just infatuated and that it was just some physical attraction he was feeling. But he said he knew it was more than that because he wanted me to be safe, loved and cared for no matter if it was with him or with someone else, he just wanted all the best things for me. I asked him not to use such strong words after such a short time of knowing each other because I believe you need way more time to be sure you truly love someone. And saying "I love you" is something you should never do unless you're totally sure you really do.
We went on a couple of dates. Some of them ended up in a hotel room. The physical attraction we felt went hand in hand with the emotional bond we were creating. We were still talking a lot, laughing a lot, having a blast at the dates. After a few months I was madly in love. He started thinking about building a future together. He said he was angry with himself for not having divorced before the deployment because if he did, he would be able to pursue me the way I deserved - meet my friends and family, tell his dear ones he was dating me, stop doing all this secret dating thing. He told me again that he loved me. That he was absolutely certain of this. Although I knew at that moment that I loved him too, I didn't tell him that. I was afraid. I was careful because I've been hurt in my previous relationships.
Another few months passed and our relationship grew stronger. We were having this wonderful emotional bond, the physical aspects were also perfect. But his deployment was coming to an end. When we met this last time, he told me he was going to see me soon. I told him not to come back unless the divorce is finalised. He was determined to end his marriage as soon as possible because he knew he should have done that a long time ago.
He went back to the US at the beginning of 2020. Moved to another state. His wife and children stayed in their house. He started a new job and began the divorce process. Then the covid started. He told me the divorce was taking longer than he expected because the courts were shut. But we were still maintaining the contact, messaging every day, occassionally making phone calls. All the time he was assuring me of his feelings. Almost every day he told me he missed me like crazy. That if not covid, he would have visited me many times, but he couldn't travel. I understood that and reminded him that I wouldn't want to see him anyway as long as he was not single again. He blamed covid for that fact too.
So we were continuing in this LDR because there was no other option. We had a routine of saying good morning and good night to each other every single day. We messaged a lot, kept each other updated on our separate lives. He told me he loved me a lot, that he couldn't wait to see me. We were still madly in love, although on two different ends of the Atlantic. When I had doubts about this relationship and how it's going to be in the future, he was always telling me that he knows it's hard, for him too, but at the same time he knows it's worth the effort. He's always been absolutely certain this was going to work.
About two months ago the frequency of our conversations dropped suddenly. There were some days he didn't text at all. Sometimes whole weekends. I'm not the kind of person who would constantly hang on a man and force him to tell me everything he was doing but that wasn't his usual behaviour so I asked him about that. He told me he had a lot of work. He also bought a new house and had a lot to do in it, redecorating it and keeping in clean. Every third weekend he was also having an army drill. Plus, there were days he was visiting his kids and spending time with them. All in all, he had a lot on his plate and I didn't blame him for it. But he assured me again that his feelings did not change and that he wanted a future with me so bad, and that missed me every single day, that he was feeling extra lonely sometimes and wished I was there with him. He also said he would make more effort to find time to talk to me regularly because he didn't want to lose me. We talked, but it wasn't the same kind of quality conversations we were having before. Just some "how are you" and "how's the weather". I started to back out because I felt he stopped trying. I thought he just lost interest so I asked him to think about what he really wants. And that if I am no longer part of his future plans, I would not force him to anything. He said he was 100% sure he wants me in his life. And that he always misses me.
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