Update on LDR story 10 years ago
I just got back here since i really forgot my ID and password 
My last post was about my break up years ago (2010)
I reread it again and still remember it, i just REALLY have to update you guys, because this group really great with support.
So, after years (over7 years) not having contact with him at all, i moved on. For years i was struggling with trust, and really first few years i was in depression i just felt i really lost myself. I never really feel broken heart this much. I never thought i was that deep in love with him. It does made me think, it was actually my first love. Before him, if someone break up with me, i just dont care, i cry for a day and thats it. Move on and it was nothing.
I even got hospitalized after my last chat with him. I got my blood pressure too low, that i have to stay in hospital for a week with IV fluids on and my weights dropped over 11kgs and thats a lot because before i was skinny already. Definitely one of the lowest time in my life.
3 years after i met someone, it wasnt LDR. It was ok, and i was on the relationship for 3 years. I think i grown up, and i grew stronger too. I travel again, backpacking through Europe, i travel every 6 months. Keeping myself busy.
In 2018, my friends contact me about a flight promotion and asked if i want to join her with another girl to do backpacking in Russia, simply because i still read Cyrillic and still remember basic conversation. I cant help it but googled about him--of course to nothing, because since back then he never like social media and only have email account. But i read something really bad about place where he works, and it was an international scandal few years back. I freaked out, is he in jail now??
Weeks, planning the trip, i contacted my old Russian teacher who live in Moscow. Still thinking about how hes doing--no feeling like before tho. Just curious.
I emailed him, asking how he is doing, and told him about my plan to visit Russia. Weeks no reply. Until 2 days before i leave i got an email from him.
He was sounds excited, and wanting to see me in Arbats street hard rock cafe, after his working hours.
I dont know what to expect, and actually dont really expect anything.
I arrived in Moscow, spent first day touring the city, and the next day went to little bit further and in afternoon i went to meet him.
He wasnt change AT ALL. Very few grey hairs, and a HUGE wedding band on his fingers lol i feel its huge but its juts average (thinking at least he didnt try to hide it). We then walk to his old university that he always talk about the Noscow State university/Московский государственный университет имени М. В. Ломоносова
We didnt talk at all about anything else, just very polite interaction. We laughed at jokes, he still the same, the way he talk, and he still called me silly, Its very very weird. I feel nothing, just "care" for that guy.
After a while, he said he have to go back home. I said ok, but he insist on dropping me off on metro station near my hostel. On train, i cant help to ask: ARE YOU HAPPY? pointing the ring with my eye. He rub the ring, and see me straight to my eyes and say NO, i am not happy. I was in shock lol i cant even say anything else for a while. I asked him, when did you get married? he said, a year ago, i just had a baby girl he said, thought it will change it, but its not. He laughed, but i see tears in corner of his eyes. He said, thats why i was so surprised you emailed me.
I just cant help it but feel sad. Its a disclosure for me. Its a life he choose i guess. I thought he would already had 3 kids or married for the 2nd time. But.....sigh.
The train not really that long time to say anything much. But maybe thats great. I feel like that miichael learns to rock song 25 minutes (yeah 90es ppl know this lol). I gave him a hug, and told him, i really wish for him to be happy, thats all i ask, he said the same thing to me too. And thats it.
I sent email again after i return home, two weeks afterwards, to say thank you to him for the tour in Moscow and his university. But i didnt say anything else than that. I think i feel sad but again, its a closure that i deserve, i feel not as much as i was when i was with him in relationship. I finally really can close the chapter with his name on it.
************************************************
Today, i am in another happy LDR for 2 years. I just want to share the update, before i edit all of my profile.
My last post was about my break up years ago (2010)
I reread it again and still remember it, i just REALLY have to update you guys, because this group really great with support.
So, after years (over7 years) not having contact with him at all, i moved on. For years i was struggling with trust, and really first few years i was in depression i just felt i really lost myself. I never really feel broken heart this much. I never thought i was that deep in love with him. It does made me think, it was actually my first love. Before him, if someone break up with me, i just dont care, i cry for a day and thats it. Move on and it was nothing.
I even got hospitalized after my last chat with him. I got my blood pressure too low, that i have to stay in hospital for a week with IV fluids on and my weights dropped over 11kgs and thats a lot because before i was skinny already. Definitely one of the lowest time in my life.
3 years after i met someone, it wasnt LDR. It was ok, and i was on the relationship for 3 years. I think i grown up, and i grew stronger too. I travel again, backpacking through Europe, i travel every 6 months. Keeping myself busy.
In 2018, my friends contact me about a flight promotion and asked if i want to join her with another girl to do backpacking in Russia, simply because i still read Cyrillic and still remember basic conversation. I cant help it but googled about him--of course to nothing, because since back then he never like social media and only have email account. But i read something really bad about place where he works, and it was an international scandal few years back. I freaked out, is he in jail now??
Weeks, planning the trip, i contacted my old Russian teacher who live in Moscow. Still thinking about how hes doing--no feeling like before tho. Just curious.
I emailed him, asking how he is doing, and told him about my plan to visit Russia. Weeks no reply. Until 2 days before i leave i got an email from him.
He was sounds excited, and wanting to see me in Arbats street hard rock cafe, after his working hours.
I dont know what to expect, and actually dont really expect anything.
I arrived in Moscow, spent first day touring the city, and the next day went to little bit further and in afternoon i went to meet him.
He wasnt change AT ALL. Very few grey hairs, and a HUGE wedding band on his fingers lol i feel its huge but its juts average (thinking at least he didnt try to hide it). We then walk to his old university that he always talk about the Noscow State university/Московский государственный университет имени М. В. Ломоносова
We didnt talk at all about anything else, just very polite interaction. We laughed at jokes, he still the same, the way he talk, and he still called me silly, Its very very weird. I feel nothing, just "care" for that guy.
After a while, he said he have to go back home. I said ok, but he insist on dropping me off on metro station near my hostel. On train, i cant help to ask: ARE YOU HAPPY? pointing the ring with my eye. He rub the ring, and see me straight to my eyes and say NO, i am not happy. I was in shock lol i cant even say anything else for a while. I asked him, when did you get married? he said, a year ago, i just had a baby girl he said, thought it will change it, but its not. He laughed, but i see tears in corner of his eyes. He said, thats why i was so surprised you emailed me.
I just cant help it but feel sad. Its a disclosure for me. Its a life he choose i guess. I thought he would already had 3 kids or married for the 2nd time. But.....sigh.
The train not really that long time to say anything much. But maybe thats great. I feel like that miichael learns to rock song 25 minutes (yeah 90es ppl know this lol). I gave him a hug, and told him, i really wish for him to be happy, thats all i ask, he said the same thing to me too. And thats it.
I sent email again after i return home, two weeks afterwards, to say thank you to him for the tour in Moscow and his university. But i didnt say anything else than that. I think i feel sad but again, its a closure that i deserve, i feel not as much as i was when i was with him in relationship. I finally really can close the chapter with his name on it.
************************************************
Today, i am in another happy LDR for 2 years. I just want to share the update, before i edit all of my profile.
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