Feeling like absolute crap, haven't been open about my LDR

[Kirvex]

xxxxxx

[Kirvex]

Canned this out of anxiety, but it's coming back:

I've been with this guy for almost 2 years now, and it's going very nicely. The thing is, I've never really told my parents straight we're dating, and now I'm feeling disgusting about it. Part of it is that I wasn't sure how my parents would react. I did date someone in another state before and they didn't care, but that was when I was 13. But what really scared me is that I dated a dude when I was in high school, and we went to the same high school and then I moved so it was only slightly long distance. But the big issue is that, he forced me into sexual stuff in the woods which I still feel guilty and sick about. They found out and weren't happy, but we still went out afterwards. They know I talk to people online, and I've done this before so I should have been more open but I wasn't. I remember one night, I was taking a picture of my cupboard and my dad got pissy cause he didn't want people to see pics of our house. It's also probably no excuse, but I've always been a bit closed off about what I've been doing on the computer and just anything I do really. Even with other guys, I've never been one to rush home and say, "Look, I have a boyfriend!". I did mention I was interested in him, and that he was LDR cause they spotted me spending more time on my phone but yeah. All these factors have made me keep my relationship really private. I've told my therapists he exist, as well as one of my friends in real life to help myself open up but yeah. I don't wanna lose him, because he is such a good guy who spoils me and we have quality time and we have almost everything in common. I don't know how to tell my parents-I'm more worried about the span of time more than anything but really everything scares me. I worry they won't take things seriously either, with COVID delaying plans and me being a bit poor(I'm grown and working but living with my parents still). I'm also worried about us, cause like even though things are going swimmingly between us I feel like our relationship is kinda stuck online, like forgetting the notion of meeting up someday. I feel so guilty I'm getting thoughts of self harm, what should I do???

[xxcazaxx]

Please don't hurt yourself! At the end of the day all parents want their children to be happy and im sure your family would hate to think about you hurting yourself.

Have you thought about what the worst thing is that could happen if you tell your family? Sometimes we build up these ideas in our heads about how people are going to react and actually they don't react in this way at all. Is part if the fear related to your expectations of what a relationship should be like? I know it sounds all rainbows and sprinkles too, but each of us only gets only one chance at life and its up to us to make the decisions that are going to make us happy. You have to make decisions and actions to make yourself happy, just like your parents had to make those decisions for themselves. Times are also changing, with social media there will be more cases of distance relationships than in our parents time. If it makes you feel less nervous you could always mention the relationship to them but not how long it has gone on for.

Long distance relationships are hard at the best of times but covid has made it so much worse for everyone to be able to meet. I share your frustrations thinking about when I am going to meet my other half again. We can only manage once a year for a variety of reasons. Covid destroyed last year and looks like doing the same this year. My point being that you are not alone.

Remember you can come here if you need to chat x