Checking in

[Jen72]

Hey there Vivid, its tricky knowing what is best to do . Hm but one thing i have learned from previous relationships ,when we woman start overtexing its overkill . You have said your sorry , asked how he is , tried small talk all in a tiny time frame . Its overload for him right now . Just like a good wine give him some time to breathe . I dont always think a mans silence is a bad tving , they are more logical and need time to sort the emotional information. I hate to sound old fashioned and defo showing my age but Men are from mars and women are from Venus . He he
Am i sounding a wee bit sexist , not my intention but men are strange with emotionl stuff , they retreat and dont get fuzzy about feelings like we woman . I learned now in my LDR when i get too emotional i need to distract myself from myself or ill smother my man . Hm i think a LDR is an emotional rollercoaster for both of you . And hes being detached and you wanna get close again Its the push me , pull me of the relationship . Dont be so hard on yourself and dont have any expectations either . You have said how you feel so now instead of thinking you need closure ir he needs to text you back with a long essay . Just be grateful today that the doors of communication have opened again , thats so great and what ever the outcome you are brave and beautiful and you are willing to fight for love ❤️ Closure , rejection , insecurity , failure happens everyday but we get up and we start again . Keep believing in YOU Vivid . And dont worry about controling the narrative as you have many more chapters in your book of love . He ge
And every one should read that 80s book Men are from mars and woman are from Venus . Its so fun . Hugs

[OhioJim]

....
Am i sounding a wee bit sexist , not my intention but men are strange with emotionl stuff , they retreat and dont get fuzzy about feelings like we woman .....

Contrary to the politically correct attitude, men and women are different. Just as individuals within each group are different. The best relationships are one where you recognize that and work together in spite of the difference.

There used to be a poster at work: "Diversity is our strength". The truth is, "unity is our strength". Learning to work together in spite of our differences.

[vivid_idea]

...He obviously seems to be holding a lot of resentment, maybe he doesn’t know how to express it to you...

Thanks Woweth, under normal circumstances, I would agree with you wholly. I know it's important to hold yourself in high esteem and not wait for someone who isn't showing that they appreciate your effort. What makes it difficult for me is that when I look at our entire timeline, he fought really hard for us. He helped me through a toxic breakup and stuck by me no matter what. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I am now, we never would have met, and we would never have gotten together. I understand how he has run out of steam now and lost faith in me. I created this situation. Because I do love him so much, I don't want to force him into any ultimatums. Even though my ego is yelling at me to protect my heart. I really feel that I owe him this dedication right now.

[vivid_idea]

...You have said your sorry , asked how he is , tried small talk all in a tiny time frame . Its overload for him right now . Just like a good wine give him some time to breathe . I dont always think a mans silence is a bad tving , they are more logical and need time to sort the emotional information...

Oh Jen, hugs, I lost sight of this and so thank you for reminding me. My SO is slow, thoughtful and careful. You are right! This is a very small time frame in the scheme of everything that has happened. Right now he is likely expecting me to "throw in the towel" because he hasn't responded. I think he needs to feel that I won't do that. So he is being careful. Thank you for giving me that perspective.

I'll just leave it for now, like you said, I've said a lot and I have undoubtedly overloaded him. I can already anticipate how the panic will creep in if he still hasn't officially "read" my messages in a couple of days, though.

But I also know my SO. He is very serious about such things as a breakup. If it was completely over on his side and he was moving on, I am sure he would send me a text to explain this and request closure. You are so right Jen, I am grateful that the "doors of communication have opened again"

Thank you everyone for your perspectives and insights. I wouldn't know how to cope with LDRs without your help. I don't know how to talk to my real life friends about how I feel because my two closest friends are married and busy with their families and kids. They just don't understand why I put myself through an LDR, and so I feel lonely when I talk to them about it. So, you guys are great!!!!

[kate04]

An angry message is emotion. Silence is 'over it' and no emotion at all is the opposite of love.
I wouldn't send anything else. Leave it a while.
I know my SO thinks deeply about things, whereas I just react.
Just see what happens. If / when you decide to message again, keep it light and chatty so no 'pressure' can be inferred.
You are protecting your heart and likewise he probably feels as if he's protecting his.
Good luck

[vivid_idea]

HI Kate, thanks for your advice. I've still heard nothing. I don't think it's very hopeful for me atm.

[D_M]

Stay strong Vivid :-)