I got angry with my SO

[OhioJim]

Some of you may recall that my SO was in the hospital with serious Covid. She has been out now for about 3 weeks, staying at her mother's house.

When in the hospital her messaging was sparse and infrequent, because they would not let her use her laptop. She had to sneak time to message me.

She was so excited about getting out, and I expected that things would go back to 'normal'. At least as normal as it was before her Covid.

But since then she has been messaging me late at night (her night) and only says a few words and then disappears. Later she would tell me she fell asleep.

Today she was on at 1:45am Saturday(her time) and then went away again. After a half hour she hadn't reappeared, so I got angry.

It is the monsoon season, in addition to various quarantines there, and had told me that she has been unable to get out of the house much. So I asked her what she was doing all day, so that the only time she can message me is late at night when she is tired.

I had previously told her that I was frustrated from not hearing much from her, and that words were the only thing we have right now. That if she loves me as much as she says and wants to come back here and be with me then why can't she communicate more?

I told her that she says she loves me, but why can't she SHOW ME by more frequent and longer messaging.

I am worried about how she will react. We use Google hangouts which shows the last message the recipient has read, and she hasn't read my messages yet as I type this at 9:40am Saturday(her time).

[vivid_idea]

That must be very frustrating for you OhioJim. Has she explained herself yet? It seems like LDR and Covid is taking a toll on many of us right now. I still haven't managed to fix things with my SO, and I wish that I could. You are not alone in feeling frustrated with the difficulties of LDR. I hope that she has eased your worries and that things are back on track by now

[OhioJim]

That must be very frustrating for you OhioJim. Has she explained herself yet? It seems like LDR and Covid is taking a toll on many of us right now. I still haven't managed to fix things with my SO, and I wish that I could. You are not alone in feeling frustrated with the difficulties of LDR. I hope that she has eased your worries and that things are back on track by now

As of 8:00am today (Saturday, my time. 8:00pm her time), she has read my messages (if I understand how Hangouts works) but has not responded.

[OhioJim]

I heard from her today. At about 2:00am(Aug 1 for her).

She didn't seem upset, but we still didn't get to chat very long.

One thing she reminded me of is that there has been heavy rain there---monsoon season, and she is using a neighborhood WiFi connection. I guess 2:00am is the only time that it works for her. At least there would be no one else hogging the connection at that time. They are now under strict lockdown, so more people will be home trying to use the internet.

Now I feel bad about it. I should not have got angry, but I am still quite frustrated with the situation. If it wasn't for this virus, she would have been back here a year ago!

[D_M]

We rely very heavily on that type of communication in an LDR. It is understandable to get frustrated. Don't feel bad Ohio Jim.
Any sign of your SO being able to get back to you soon, now she has recovered from covid?

[OhioJim]

We rely very heavily on that type of communication in an LDR. It is understandable to get frustrated. Don't feel bad Ohio Jim.
Any sign of your SO being able to get back to you soon, now she has recovered from covid?

They let her out of the hospital with a promise that she will pay off her bill, so she can't leave until then. Who knows how long that will take!

And it turns out she is just as frustrated about everything as I am.

[lelyta]

I'm sorry but I'm really curious why you guys don't use a better reliable chat app like WhatsApp? Do you even know her active phone number??

[Melly Mel]

They let her out of the hospital with a promise that she will pay off her bill, so she can't leave until then. Who knows how long that will take!

And it turns out she is just as frustrated about everything as I am.

I have to say that getting covid must of been really hard on her. She realized that she now has to live with it. That has to be a shock within itself. She’s most likely trying to figure out what to do next. I am going to be honest and say that when she is figuring things out, you are on the bottom of that list. Your LDR doesn’t seem like it’s solid. I say that because she is not communicating with you and not even bare minimum. She’ll run to you when she thinks she needs you. I think you should give her some space and the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. I honestly think that she will communicate with you less and less. It sucks but I also think she is communicating with someone else. She doesn’t sound truly invested in you. If she was, she would be happy to hear from you, as us females, the good ones would be happy to hear from our LDR bf, because I know I am everyday when he calls and texts me. I don’t think she’s being honest with you. “They won’t let her leave until her bill is paid off.” Is a huge red flag. She’s placing something as an excuse to make it seem like she has to deal with it and not ever see you. No hospital forces someone not to leave a city due to a bill, even in other countries. Rethink your choice. I am telling you she is adding more distance between you two and that is not a good sign. I am so sorry. Take a few weeks and focus on you and only you. Don’t worry. Fate has its’ way. Don’t worry so much. Give her some space, and focus on you. You not sleeping and worrying is not healthy and no one, even a LDR gf shouldn’t put you through that.

[OhioJim]

I have to say that getting covid must of been really hard on her. She realized that she now has to live with it. That has to be a shock within itself. She’s most likely trying to figure out what to do next. I am going to be honest and say that when she is figuring things out, you are on the bottom of that list. Your LDR doesn’t seem like it’s solid. I say that because she is not communicating with you and not even bare minimum. She’ll run to you when she thinks she needs you. I think you should give her some space and the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. I honestly think that she will communicate with you less and less. It sucks but I also think she is communicating with someone else. She doesn’t sound truly invested in you. If she was, she would be happy to hear from you, as us females, the good ones would be happy to hear from our LDR bf, because I know I am everyday when he calls and texts me. I don’t think she’s being honest with you.

I don't even know here to start commenting on this, there are so many things wrong with your statement. And did you read my earlier post about using a neighborhood WiFi that drops out in heavy rain?

“They won’t let her leave until her bill is paid off.” Is a huge red flag. She’s placing something as an excuse to make it seem like she has to deal with it and not ever see you. No hospital forces someone not to leave a city due to a bill, even in other countries.

I did not say "They won't let her leave until her bill is paid off."

Did you read their regulations for paying hospital bills? The hospital has to discharge a patient, and you must sign an agreement to pay the remainder. If you don't, THEY CAN SUE YOU! Therefore, she can't leave until she pays it off.

Rethink your choice. I am telling you she is adding more distance between you two and that is not a good sign. I am so sorry. Take a few weeks and focus on you and only you. Don’t worry. Fate has its’ way. Don’t worry so much. Give her some space, and focus on you. You not sleeping and worrying is not healthy and no one, even a LDR gf shouldn’t put you through that.

There is a lot of confidential information that has not been made public. You are jumping to too many conclusions based on minimum information.

Edit: If you are going to quote someone, make sure it is what they actually said. "They let her out of the hospital with a promise that she will pay off her bill, so she can't leave until then."

[OhioJim]

I'm sorry but I'm really curious why you guys don't use a better reliable chat app like WhatsApp? Do you even know her active phone number??

It's not the app, it is the unreliable internet connection.

[Melly Mel]

I don't even know here to start commenting on this, there are so many things wrong with your statement. And did you read my earlier post about using a neighborhood WiFi that drops out in heavy rain?


I did not say "They won't let her leave until her bill is paid off."

Did you read their regulations for paying hospital bills? The hospital has to discharge a patient, and you must sign an agreement to pay the remainder. If you don't, THEY CAN SUE YOU! Therefore, she can't leave until she pays it off.


There is a lot of confidential information that has not been made public. You are jumping to too many conclusions based on minimum information.

Edit: If you are going to quote someone, make sure it is what they actually said. "They let her out of the hospital with a promise that she will pay off her bill, so she can't leave until then."

Wow. You really got defensive there. Well, I’m not sorry in what I said. You wanted opinions so I gave you one. Seems like you really are in denial about reality. Your SO has too many excuses and so much little communication with you. It won’t get better. I’ve been with my SO for over 7 years now and it’s always been long distant and not once have there been so many or even one excuse to why there’s no communication. There’s always communication, video chat, everyday. And your SO doesn’t even try. She doesn’t try because she doesn’t want to. Plain and simple. Don’t take it out on me. I understand the frustration, but you wanted the truth. Sounds like you are in such denial. It’s your life. Nothing I can do. My bad for being honest, but someone had to be honest. And btw she can leave and still pay the medical bill. It’s a fact. Anyway, good luck on your relationship. I hope it gets better for you. Nothing but good vibes here. Take care.

[OhioJim]

Wow. You really got defensive there. Well, I’m not sorry in what I said. You wanted opinions so I gave you one. Seems like you really are in denial about reality. Your SO has too many excuses and so much little communication with you. It won’t get better. I’ve been with my SO for over 7 years now and it’s always been long distant and not once have there been so many or even one excuse to why there’s no communication. There’s always communication, video chat, everyday. And your SO doesn’t even try. She doesn’t try because she doesn’t want to. Plain and simple. Don’t take it out on me. I understand the frustration, but you wanted the truth. Sounds like you are in such denial. It’s your life. Nothing I can do. My bad for being honest, but someone had to be honest. And btw she can leave and still pay the medical bill. It’s a fact. Anyway, good luck on your relationship. I hope it gets better for you. Nothing but good vibes here. Take care.

I went back and reviewed this thread. No where did I ask for opinions. I was just venting.

The hospital where she was will accept cash or credit cards. Since she has no card she has to actually go to the hospital to pay cash.

And would you want to try leaving a country with an outstanding debt?

[Jen72]

Lots of Drama in this post ,i think we all have to remember being in a LDR is an emotional rollecoaster. Being seperated having to use social media sucks . We form sometimes negative thoughts when the connection goes bad , at times there are red flags thT we dont see and maybe others do . But when all is said and done we need to remember to be respectful with our words . Even if we think we are smart mouths or we know best. The best solution in any situation is honesty. So trust our guts and if there are red flags check them out . You know talking all the time is intense and sometimes we should have some space . I feel like a zombie at times and then i resent my ldr for taking up so much offmy time and then i pull away . Being constantly connected is exhausting so remember we all run differently . One last , always be minfull that ldr are so hard we desserve medals he he