For those that are cross continents, how long it usually takes to be finally together

[shaselai]

My friend is setting me up with her friend's daughter from another country. We do text daily a few times due to timezone differences and have done one call. She did mention covid travel rules and how we still can't meet up. I am curious for those successful couples out there, how long did it take for you to be together or "seal the deal"? I had a coworker who met a girl who he was childhood friends with (they never dated) then they met one time for a week and now he's going to her country to marry her.

Is it just a couple of times or more? I know "ymmv" but kind of curious what the experiences are. For us, we already know why we are trying to form a relationship so it's not like in local where you don't know what the other want. And she is not someone who is trying to "trick me for visa" since this is through a friend and this friend has seen her grow up and can vouch for her character... thanks! We share same language but her english is not good and its not an issue for me.

[autumn1790]

I think your assessment of "ymmv" is quite accurate. :P Especially since the Illness that Shall Remain Unnamed has thrown a wrench into everything across the globe. It took us over two years to meet in person, but we also started off just as friends with no long-term intentions. If you look around this forum, you'll find many posts about first time meetings and timelines it took various people to meet/close the distance.

(My unsolicited advice--if you're not ready to spend a couple years apart or move to be near her, find someone local >_< ...ldrs can take a lot of time)

Best of luck!

[Monika]

thanks for the advice

I think your assessment of "ymmv" is quite accurate. :P Especially since the Illness that Shall Remain Unnamed has thrown a wrench into everything across the globe. It took us over two years to meet in person, but we also started off just as friends with no long-term intentions. If you look around this forum, you'll find many posts about first time meetings and timelines it took various people to meet/close the distance.

(My unsolicited advice--if you're not ready to spend a couple years apart or move to be near her, find someone local >_< ...ldrs can take a lot of time)

Best of luck!

I was very lucky because I found my man in my city and even with all the prohibitions and threats to life, we found a way to meet

[shaselai]

I think your assessment of "ymmv" is quite accurate. :P Especially since the Illness that Shall Remain Unnamed has thrown a wrench into everything across the globe. It took us over two years to meet in person, but we also started off just as friends with no long-term intentions. If you look around this forum, you'll find many posts about first time meetings and timelines it took various people to meet/close the distance.

(My unsolicited advice--if you're not ready to spend a couple years apart or move to be near her, find someone local >_< ...ldrs can take a lot of time)

Best of luck!

Yeah I think our situation is slightly different. She knows we are introduced with intention to be long term/marriage. She did ask me about the current lockdown status and trying to figure out when we can meet. I think if it ends up like my coworker who met his for a week then they get married 1/2 year later it is not that bad. we do text everyday as well.

[uniquefem]

Well, meeting up and spending time together is important of course. Hundred or thousand hours online chatting or video calling wont replace the real thing like living together its whole lot different things especially if you are from different country or culture. Regardless if you are an avid traveler its still will need adjustment with the person or where you guys going to live together. It would be different for every and each relationship because the different background and dynamic.

Most of my past relationship was with expatriate guys who live in other country or even continent. I will want to meet with this person more than once. First for him to come to visit me, i my country---for safety reason. Another time maybe in other country and or in his country. I would prefer if we meet more than just a weekend, more than 10 days would be amazing. Thing about this kind of relationship, its STILL going to be a slightly different because whenever you meet up it has this "holiday" vibe where you very relax and there's very tiny problems arise and you cant really truly see the real person because when you are at holidays usually you are not the same person who do your things at home. I would like to see his problem solving skill, how he react towards certain things, at least to know if he sleep snoring--if yes, how loud? is it bearable? lol and every other small habits you cant catch on a video chat or chatting. Remember, you wish to be with this person for your lifetime (if possible).

Thats why after all those meet up, i will visit him, so ill know his family, his friends, and how his daily life looks like. Knowing his neighborhood and you know, life in general at "his world" this is really important. Because i see a lot of my friends failed at this stage because they cant adapt and or feel very lonely at very short time because they cant speak local language, too scared to explore alone and the guy very pissed because cant understand the girl and thinking shes not independent as he thought she would be etc etc.

For me i gave 6 months max before first meet, if he seems kept insisting, ill rather find someone who can (because for me this struct as not serious). And i learned my lesson, i wont do long dating time as well... my relationship in past 4-6 years all just ended because LDR for that long just massively draining if you are not closing the distance---this is my experience and personal preference i have to say. I would say, you will know if shes the one when you spent more time together. The more the better, and i think it would be different for everyone. I would say, 2-3 years is great to seal de deal, on LDR to know the person.

Some can take the plunge and just do it on first meet up, some take times to see if they can manage to not kill each other on a (more than) 7 days road trips (a very great test for couple).