My boyfriend and I live an hour and a half apart from each other. Both in our early 40s. We started dating August of 2020. In the early stages of our relationship he had a couple of female friends that he crossed boundaries with as far as flirting and saying inappropriate things with. We fought about this a lot but eventually we did our best to put it behind us. He also had told me that in previous relationships he had been verbally inappropriate with women and it had caused problems. Because of those situations we realized we needed to establish ground rules. One was no one of the opposite sex should be in our houses without a SO there.
Fast forward to last Thursday. I had been at his place for a few days and I was leaving that evening. That morning he said he wanted to be intimate before I left. When the time came he changed his mind and said he just wanted to cuddle. After about a half hour he said his brother would be coming over soon to hang out and started rushing me to leave.
Something didn't feel right so I decided to stick around the area and see what he was really up to. A little while after I left, he left his house. His brother had never shown up and I was confused. He stayed gone for an hour and when he got home a car pulled in behind his. A woman got out. They went in the house together. They were the only 2 people in the house. They went into his bedroom. I could see through the windows they were both in there for a few minutes. Then they hung out for an hour in his living room.
When she left I followed her back to her place. I was going to ask her what was going on. She pulled into a motel parking lot and went into a room. I decided not to say anything until I had more information. I did a little detective work and turns out she's a coworker and she lives at the motel. Up until then I had only known her by name, not by face.
We'd had issues about her in the past because he would talk about her more than I was comfortable with.
When they were talking outside his house before she left I got the impression that they had gone out for drinks first. When I'm there we rarely do anything fun. But apparently she gets the fun side of him that I'm deprived of.
He broke so many rules that we agreed upon. Rules that were necessary because he crossed boundaries with female friends in the past. And the lie. That's a huge one for me. Also he ignored the 2 times I tried calling him while he was out with her. And when they got back to his house I texted asking if we could talk. He said he was at his brothers and we could talk afterwards.
I don't know if he slept with her. What I do know is that he lied about being out with her. And I have no idea what they were doing for an hour before they got to his house. I also find it alarming that he didn't invite me to go with so I could meet her. In the past he told me he never hangs out with female friends at all unless they have an SO with.
He has no idea I know what actually happened. I want to address this with him but don't know where to begin and how to do it effectively. He's going to start seeing a therapist this Wednesday and has expressed an interest in bettering himself so I'm hoping there's hope for him yet. Please help.
Fast forward to last Thursday. I had been at his place for a few days and I was leaving that evening. That morning he said he wanted to be intimate before I left. When the time came he changed his mind and said he just wanted to cuddle. After about a half hour he said his brother would be coming over soon to hang out and started rushing me to leave.
Something didn't feel right so I decided to stick around the area and see what he was really up to. A little while after I left, he left his house. His brother had never shown up and I was confused. He stayed gone for an hour and when he got home a car pulled in behind his. A woman got out. They went in the house together. They were the only 2 people in the house. They went into his bedroom. I could see through the windows they were both in there for a few minutes. Then they hung out for an hour in his living room.
When she left I followed her back to her place. I was going to ask her what was going on. She pulled into a motel parking lot and went into a room. I decided not to say anything until I had more information. I did a little detective work and turns out she's a coworker and she lives at the motel. Up until then I had only known her by name, not by face.
We'd had issues about her in the past because he would talk about her more than I was comfortable with.
When they were talking outside his house before she left I got the impression that they had gone out for drinks first. When I'm there we rarely do anything fun. But apparently she gets the fun side of him that I'm deprived of.
He broke so many rules that we agreed upon. Rules that were necessary because he crossed boundaries with female friends in the past. And the lie. That's a huge one for me. Also he ignored the 2 times I tried calling him while he was out with her. And when they got back to his house I texted asking if we could talk. He said he was at his brothers and we could talk afterwards.
I don't know if he slept with her. What I do know is that he lied about being out with her. And I have no idea what they were doing for an hour before they got to his house. I also find it alarming that he didn't invite me to go with so I could meet her. In the past he told me he never hangs out with female friends at all unless they have an SO with.
He has no idea I know what actually happened. I want to address this with him but don't know where to begin and how to do it effectively. He's going to start seeing a therapist this Wednesday and has expressed an interest in bettering himself so I'm hoping there's hope for him yet. Please help.
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