Struggling in a LDR

[pumpkinpie2]

Hi, so I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. I'm 20 and he's 23. First 5 months of the relationship was great. He was sweet, caring, funny, open-minded. We could only see each other every 3 months but when I was with him I was the happiest girl in the world. Everything was like in a fairytale those 5 months, but it started going downhill after that. He started comparing me to his ex-girlfriend, he would get mad at me everytime I would talk to him about our problems, he once let me cry myself to sleep because his "partying" was more important (i asked him later if he felt bad letting me cry myself to sleep and he said "no".) , he would play games 5-6 hours straight but not have time for me, he often uses the manipulation tactic to make it seem like everything is my fault. All of this yet he still tells me that he loves me deeply. I asked him many times to change, he said he would but still hasn't. I feel like I'm not even on his list of priorities. I feel lonely in this relationship, he doesn't respect my wishes nor needs. I sometimes think that his mother is affecting him because she didn't even give the opportunity to get to know me, she just hates me based on my nationality. He's in college and he barely has time for me anymore, but still has time to go out with strangers and play games for hours. Am I being manipulated again by his empty promises that he'll change? I gave so much of my time and effort for this relationship, he barely does anything to keep this relationship going. I must admit I'm not a perfect human being but all those things I said to him is because I was hurt, tired and devastated by his actions. He always says I'm overreacting once I bring up things he does that hurt me. I still love him but i don't know what to do anymore...

[OhioJim]

He said he loves you, but doesn't act like he really means it.

You can't change him. Only he can do that. If he really loves you he would not be acting the way he is.

Go back and read carefully what you wrote. Do you think he REALLY loves you?

I know it hurts, but I think you can do better than him.

[kittyo9]

Agreeing with OhioJim, actions speak louder than words and in this case it's apparent that the relationship is not working for you.

Relationships take time and effort to maintain (from both parties), but sometimes partners have different ideas of what the relationship should be like. I know early on in my relationship, I had to express my need for more frequent communication, because my partner didn't know that those were my expectations and felt that the level of communication was acceptable to him. If you have a need that isn't being met in your relationship-- for example, spending quality time together (virtually or otherwise)-- it is worth bringing up with your partner and trying to reach a resolution. That might also mean making some concessions, yourself-- for example, recognizing that your partner has regular "game nights" and giving them the space to spend that time with their friends. If you've tried this and your partner is not following through, then they may not ready for this kind of relationship right now.

IMO, from what you have described, this is not a healthy relationship and you would be better off going your separate ways.