It was supposed to be a 1 year anniversary surprise...

[noodle]

I think I have posted about my problem quite often on here recently (especially on my blogs).
Eventhough things are alright with my SO I still always find a reason to randomly get mad at him.
With no purpose or intention tho.

Like yesterday.
We talked a lil but I had to leave to bring back home my 2 friends cause I have offered them to bring them home.
I asked him if he'd be on and he said he will most likely so be basically agreed on havin some time alone, just him and me, since we haven't for quite a while.
After about an hour I got home again (I didnt chill much at my friends place cause I knew how sad my SO was cause he had nothin to do this weekend so I thought I'd get back home soon).
So I got home and he wasn't on. I messaged him and he still didn't get on. After 3hrs he posted a status on Facebook, yet didn't contact me. I got mad/sad/dissapointed.
I messaged him sayin that Im glad he found somethin to do and that I hope that he is doin it with someone.
A while later he messaged me apologizing and that he was home with his family watchin a basketball game and couldnt get on cause of that.
I said its ok yet that he couldve told me that he's home. He did say he was goin home but I thought he'd gat back to his dorm while he thought I'd get that he was stayin at home. There we go: missunderstanding.
So ok, I apologized and said I didnt quite get it.
Yet I started an argument. Basically I said that things kinda changed and that I'm not sure how to say it but that I feel like I give but don't get much.
We talked and he ended up tellin me that he was at a studying abroad meeting last week and that the possibilities of him doing his next semester over here are rather good and that he is even talkin to people and lookin for some way to do some volunteer job next summer in Croatia, so he can be with me and see my real home, cause he always wanted to.
Why he didn't tell me? He wanted to surprise me... He wanted it to be a surprise on our 1 year anniversary.

And now I feel horrible. He said he's not mad at me but that he hates how I get mad at him for no reason really and apologized for not being available as much as he used to be.

I notice myself how I easily get pissed at him. Message him to please get on and talk to me.
I can't remember the last time it was really just him and me, for more than just half an hour. Whenever I'm alone or have time, he is busy or has friends over and vice versa.


I need your help guys. I don't know how to controll this feelin.
How can I distract myself or whatever to not get pissed at him immediately?


I basically know I will eventually lose him if I don't change this adittued.
And I'm so scared of it

[Karringtyn]

The fact that you KNOW it is happening is half the battle.

Now you have to change the pattern. I do this myself so I can relate. Start telling yourself to breathe...and remember that you DON'T want to handle things as you have.

Have you told him you need "special" time?

Relationships change over the course of them and it is our way of growing...and settling into what we are comfortable with and you need to let him know what you NEED.

I have missed ya...always know you have an ear if you need one.

[Mio]

I have this problem myself. And is hard to control, I guess you can try your hardest not to say anything immediately the tought comes into your mind.

[Puramu]

I have this problem too. It helps to think about what you want to say before you say it. Sometimes words can't be taken back. Also beware of how you say things. Apparently I say offensive things a lot with my SO without meaning to. But that's just me because it's a tad hard to read emotions with text.

[paulawriteslove]

I somewhat have this problem too. It's good that you're realizing it. I think that you should try to stay calm and take deep breaths when you feel upset. Try to talk about the problem. But it's important that you stay clam. Best of luck!

[Silviar]

As soon as you feel yourself get pissed, do not respond. Stop. Take a few deep breaths, and mentally or physically sit back. If you need to go walk around the block, go do it, just to break your brain out of the lock it's got on the negative feeling.

Once you've broken, then go back to the problem and think about it. Then, after you've given yourself a minute or two to consider and approach it calmly, then you can respond. If you can't respond maturely, tell him you're gonna take a walk, and give yourself some breathing space. It takes a lot of practice, but it can be done.

[folclor]

heh, sometimes i have that same problem. ^^;; *hugs*

my best advice is to get a hobby that you can do pretty much anywhere. I took up plushie making (I intend to eventually sell them) and it keeps my mind off things if I"m waiting for him or something. *shrugs* maybe that's what you need. Something you can do within the confines of your room so you can be on and wait for him if you wish, but you can also do it at other times and places and possibly make new friends through it ^^

[noodle]

thanks for the great replies!
I will really do that! take it slow instead of attackin hardcore
It was buggin my mind so much today and I talked to him (still am) and I apologized again that I'm givin him such a hard time some times but that I love him and he said that it's ok, that it happens and he was just really stressed again due to his parents etc so he didnt understand why I got so angry at him
I am soooo relieved that he's not mad at me anymore! We had some time alone today and some *ahem* make up loving
I will change in this point, I have to, his has pretty much got me to my limit, I was really scared that I'd lose him. And I will not risk this again for some stupid moodiness