when something supposedly fun goes really really bad =/

[nicole]

I apologize in advance, this is partly out frustration, but it's a lot of venting =/

My SO came back from the wedding on Sunday and had a great time, and we spent all of Sunday afternoon on skype being hungover together (I had gone out Saturday night too) and talking about how our weekends went. We really missed each other, and apparently ended up talking about each other non-stop to the people we were with The he says to me, whilst we were on the subject of marriage etc, "So how am I going to trick you into going ring shopping with me?" I was happy, but told him I don't want to go shopping with him, I said I would look online, and send him what I liked, so when the time comes, he can go out by himself and suprise me, which he agreed to.

So yesterday I started looking, and it became apparent very early on I don't like diamond rings =/. I am going to have to wear lab gloves all the time next year, so I need a low set one, but all the ones I was looking at I hated. The only ones I sort of liked were "Eternity rings", so I copied a couple of those that were ok to send to hm later. I then started looking at ones with coloured stones, some of which I posted on here in the engagement ring thread, plus a few more- all of them either tanzanite or sapphires with diamonds. They were so prrrrretty and I would be so happy to have one of those, so again I copied some into a word document and saved them for later.

When the time came, I sent the colored stones one first, as they are what I REALLY want, and he looked so shocked when he opened it. He said "These aren't engagement rings". I was like excuse me, if they are under the title "Engagement rings" I think that's what they are, but he was adamant. He was so insistent on diamonds, so I was like, fine I'll send you those, but apparently there is a different definition of rings between America and England. Apparently, the rings I chose looked like wedding bands- the bride had one as her wedding band at the weekend. Whereas in England, eternity rings are not wedding bands- we generally have just a plain band. So long story short, he told me my taste was weird and I had to have diamonds. Oh and also I only picked the coloured ones because they are cheaper then diamonds, as he knows I hate him spending money on me.

B***-***T!!!!!! I wasn't even looking at prices, I was looking for references for him to go off. I like what I like! He said he wasn't expecting what I chose. Well I have to wear this ring everyday for the rest of my life, I don't want a ugly, chunky, THING on my finger which I don't like. I told him just as much, to which he said, "if I got you on of the blue ones, people will think I'm cheap, everyone has a diamond engagement ring". This really made me angry. I don't care about what EVERYONE else thinks of it or expects, I am not EVERYONE, EVERYONE doesn't have to wear it forever. It's my ring, that's what I asked for, I honestly don't understand why he is being like that. Again I told him that. I basically said "Ok you go out and buy a ring that society will find acceptable, regardless of my thoughts or feelings, and you can be the one upset when I don't want to wear it" and refused to talk anymore.

I don't understand why I should give up what I like so random people I don't care about will like it. I know it might be a male pride thing and he wants to get me expensive things, but when it comes down to it, I don't have expensive taste, so it turns out. I didn't know that until yesterday looking at the rings. This was supposed to be a fun thing to do, and he really ruined it for me He just said "We won't talk about rings again, I think it upsets you"

AAAARGH I'm just so frustrated!!!!!! , It's not going to be for another year at least, he was the one who wanted to do this, so he had time to go and choose something. I don't know if I should just drop the subject for now or what, it's so far away.

[JoMarie]

I'm sorry. Look at the bright side though, he wants to marry you and he interested enough to look at rings with you.

[Silviar]

Nicole, sweetie, I would be frustrated too. It sucks when one person's idea doesn't coincide with your idea of what you want for a ring. I was just wondering - you mentioned here that you want a ring you can wear while doing your labwork as well, which coincides for the need for a practical ring. Did you explain the practical reasons along with the personal ones? Sometimes men, when they feel their ego is being tinged, work better with practical explanations like that.

I think it's important you get him to understand what you like, or else this fight's just going to repeat itself. So, I'd give yourself some time to settle down, so you can talk calmly, and explain the practical reasons along with he'd asked what you like, and you're showing him what you like. Many people have huge variations of engagement rings - and many people, including myself - don't care for diamonds. I personally love green gems like peridot. In fact, some people don't have engagement rings at all, because their personal taste is they don't care for it.

Also, I would suggest having a neutral guide to reinforce your point. Something like this: https://jewelry.about.com/cs/engagem...uying_ring.htm would help show that what you're asking for isn't outside the norm.

I hope that helps!

(P.S. I think he turned it into something negative by being a poopface. Who the hell throws someone's personal preference back in their face and says they're wrong??)

[nicole]

@JoMarie: yeah we've been talking about it for a while, though I think it started because of his friend's wedding really, we both know we've got a long way to go yet =) I was quite happy to look with him, for his future reference, it's just to have my opinions shot down like that, I dunno, I wasn't expecting that reaction off of him.

@Silviar- I did say that to him, it was one of my reasons for my not liking most of them, that was probably the one thing he took on board, except he didn't really put it into practice. I asked him what he expected me to like, and the ones he showed me were all really high set ones. I tried to explain if I have to wear latex gloves 6-8 hours a day, I'm going to have to take my ring off, which I don't want to do, or what would be the point of having it?

He has since emailed and said sorry about the whole "Other people" thing, which I feel better about now. I was just so shocked by his reaction and the way like you put it, threw my personal preferences back at me- that was totally out of the blue, normally if he disagrees with me on something, he puts his opinion forward in a way where we can talk in over rather then one of us getting hurt in a full-blown argument, that reaction and what he said was unexpected =/ I dunno, we've both had time to think it over, I guess we'll just have to talk it through later.

[Mio]

I don't know if you checked out this pages, but this is where we got our rings, and it was areasonable price. https://www.raru.com

[xNanax]

Aww, that is frustrating. Dave and I looked at promise rings and we showed each other what we liked and also ones we didn't like to make fun of how ugly they were lol Diamonds are ok, but I like simple and elegant styles, not huge and gaudy. I also like colored stones. It took us a while to find one we both liked, he showed me this GORGEOUS three stone oval setting that was light blue, aquamarine stone with tiny diamond accents. I'm wearing it now and I'm very satisfied with what we chose ^_^

But as for this situation, that would make me so irritated if Dave told me "what would society think if I got you THAT?!" Um, who cares! It's MY freaking ring, screw people who think it's weird and not appropriate or whatever. I can understand he'd want it to be traditional, as engagement rings are typically diamonds, but you have a different and unique taste in rings and there's nothing wrong with that. I think my aunt's engagement ring is a ruby stone actually, it looks nice =)
Money is important though and I think it would be a wise choice to get the ones you like that are cheaper, instead of over the top crazy expensive diamonds. You can spend that saved money on more important things like plane tickets or a honeymoon XD

[folclor]

Maybe this isn't the kind of advice you mean, but maybe you can find a diamond ring that you like? maybe something that's...smaller? More like an Eternity band? I know in the US sometimes those ARE used for wedding bands (honestly, when I get married I hope Alex will be willing to go for a plain band, though) and the concept of engagement rings is a tad bit strange to me (my dad proposed to my mom but he didn't have enough to afford a ring, so I didn't even know until recently that some women wear their engagement rings with their wedding bands). But maybe you can find something simple?

I realize that this isn't what you want (my best friend's engagement ring has an emerald because she loves the color green) but maybe you can eventually get him to warm up to the idea of getting a colored engagement ring. like talk to him another time and tell him you understand about his want to be able to show you his love and those around you how much he loves you, too, but the way he can show you best is by getting something you really like. Tell him that you really like the colored stones so much more than diamond and you don't care about the price, it's just what you like. maybe it won't turn into an argument and y'all will be able to come to a compromise? I hope for the best for you

[nicole]

we talked a bit again last night, He was saying how much he wants to show me he loves me and how he wants to look after me. I did sit down and explain to him that looking after me does not = buying me diamonds and spending money, which I think he took on board finally. I did try looking again yesterday- I think I might be able to make a compromise- I'll have a colored stone with diamond accents or the other way round. I just really don't care for them to be honest. I think he got it into his head I was just being that way to not be traditional- I did honestly try, but failed I like some traditions like not seeing him till I get to the alter on the day, but others, I have already thrown out the window, so I think he thinks I'm doing it on purpose.

and like xNanax said, i would rather he spent money on the honeymoon- we're going to have to fly to England for a party for my family anyway, which will be very expensive too.

and Mio- they are so pretty I might show him the custom page, he might get some ideas

If it HAS to be just diamonds though, it'll have to be an eternity ring or nothing. I'm must say I'm glad we've had this argument now, rather, then when he is actually physically going to go buy it, hopefully if we keep talking about it casually, we can come to a compromise. Thanks for the input guys, it really helped! *fingers crossed*

[elina]

I'm glad you got the argument sorted eventually!

I feel like in Finland the tradition is to have.. a plain band (don't know this for sure, haven't really tried to find out but that's what I've seen on most people who are engaged ) whereas Sam told me that the tradition in England is to have a diamond.. engagement ring Which is the opposite of what you said, nicole

I don't mind, I prefer a diamond ring anyway and honestly, if people here came to say "hey, that's no engagement ring, it's got diamonds on it! :o" I honestly couldn't care less. It's my engagement ring that the love of my life has chosen for me, I don't need others' opinions whether it's the right kind or not.

[loveonspeedial]

awe honey!
like everyone has mentioned as least he's getting you a ring and wants to marry you, however I agree with you that it's your ring and you can't help what you like, I personally like the bands and low set ones myself. In a few weeks maybe you should bringg it up again and tell him you really don't want a diamond ring and that it's not because you want to look cheap but because you want to be comfortable and simple. Remind him that love is simple and between two people, not a who spent more on their girlfriends wedding ring contest.

[Silviar]

I'm glad the talks have turned productive - good for you, nicole!