Nervous about telling people

[Rusty]

Apologies if this topic has been done to death.

So, I've not really told anyone about my LDR other than my sister (she saw that my phone wallpaper was my SO and made me tell her), and weirdly enough my line manager at work (long story) and another couple of colleagues who know 'my girlfriend is in America right now'.

I'm reaching the point where a) I really want to tell people, and b) I need to if I'm going to be flying out there after Christmas.

I'm just horrendously nervous about how people will react - particularly my parents (they're not going to be angry or anything - I'm more concerned they're just going to think it's really stupid, particularly as one of my sister's friends had a disasterous LDR which is the stuff of legend in our family). I don't know, I just don't want people to dismiss it, or look down on it, or act like it's not 'real' somehow.

How did everyone get along telling their family/friends?

[Andy]

Hi

No need to apologise, this is a fairly common problem with LDRs and many of us have been in your shoes, inclusing myself.

You might find this thread here useful, I'm sure there are a number of others too here somewhere

[Rusty]

Cheers!

[Mio]

When I started my LDR only my close friends and family knew. I told them right away, and my SO told his family and close friends right away too. But I didn't tell a lot of people, most of the people knew it after we were together for long. It wasn't because I was embarrased or something, it was only that I though it was my business and not theirs.

Anyway, giving the circumstances that a friend had a bad experience before, and for your family is a taboo. It would be kind of hard. You can make it gradually for them, so is not a big shocker. Like start talking that you have a friend in America and she did this or that, etc. Then talk about how nice she is or something. Then mention that you want to travel to the US. or something. Most parents are scared at the beggining, but after they meet the other person they change their minds.

[Silviar]

Well, I told my parents I was going on vacation and my SO asked me to go out with him while I was there, and that there was interest in a relationship between us. Which were all true, I just didn't say I was in love to my parents because, well, it's my business and not theirs, plus I'm lucky in that I'm a grown adult so their opinion has limited power over me.

My biggest piece of advice is don't lie. If you want to keep it low key, tell them it's serious enough interest that you want to meet and see how things go. Which are true.

And hey - lots of relationships can be the stuff of legend, distance or not. Like how people say "he could be cheating on you with a million other girls1" Well - that can happen in the same town, too.

[Zephii]

My advice would be start getting people used to the idea as soon as possible.
The first time I went to Canada no one was surprised. A couple of people thought I was going on a holiday and even said "hopefully you'll meet a nice man over there and bring him back,' to which I replied "well, that is why I'm going. Sept I already know him." but they didn't understand and a few people thought being the guy Obi should come to me first. But, no one was surprised, and most people were supportive, because they'd heard so much about him, they'd seen the pictures on my bedside table, they spoken to him over skype or msn or written letters to him. I tried to involve him in my life like a real person.

The key to getting through it, in my opinion, is acting like you think it's normal. If you give off uncertain vibes because you worry what people will say, people will pick up on that and take it the wrong way. Be calm and confident.
It also helps to make a list of all the possible questions you might get asked and rehearse answers for them if you're not good at thinking on your feet.

Good luck!

[Rusty]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Anyway, giving the circumstances that a friend had a bad experience before, and for your family is a taboo.

I don't think that it's quite a tabboo, or anything. I reckon I might just get a few 'remember what happened to Em?' type comments...

I'm lucky in that I'm a grown adult so their opinion has limited power over me

Ha! Yeah, I'm a grown adult too (on paper, at least). I just don't want my parents to be concerned or think I'm doing something stupid or anything like that. Same with my other sister and my friends. In honesty, they'll likely not have a problem at all - though I imagine they'll be rather surprised at first. Anyway, even if my folks did make a fuss, I could always bring up their relationship (my dad is Australian, and was on holiday in England, met mum... and never went home). Not the same thing, but still quite a big thing that may have surprised a lot of people at the time...

[Karringtyn]

Be confident in your relationship and others will be too!

[NikkiP]

Be confident in your relationship and others will be too!

You make that sound so easy! *tickles you*

[lisaar910]

I was really nervous before telling people, but once I told everyone, it was so much better. It didn't turn out weird or bad at all either. Just bite the bullet, and I'm sure you'll get similar results.

[xNanax]

My family was welcome to it, no problems at all. Mostly it's because they like how he sounded when I explained what he was like, now they love him! ^^ He didn't tell his family until like 2 weeks before I met him for the first time, (6 months into the relationship) so that kinda sucked lol His parents don't agree on these types of relationships, they think I'm a computer or something lol But recently they are warming up to me =) It just takes time.
As for friends, not so much support. Especially one in particular, she always judged me and said it's not real and I don't know what love is, blah blah blah. She shouldn't talk because she's never had a relationship last more than 4 months, and I've been in this for 2 years >_> So hush up, you know? Totally not friends with her anymore lmao
But nah don't worry so much I'm sure they'll be fine, but if not then they will be after time. Like his parents did. His mom likes me now and approves of our relationship. It took a little over a year but it is worth it!

[angel85]

I think you will have all luck to make it clear to them . It is your happiness and not theirs . I know we try so hard to get approve from everyone . I myself have only my sister and my mom know . And my own father doesn't know yet . Mean while part of his family knows about us . The truth its better not hide anything . Iam wishing you all the luck . i'am hoping to have luck also because this can't be hidden . Love is not a sin . I'am starting thinking of my happiness and not what others will think . Because you know at the end some may be surprise and what really matters is that you are happy .

[BlackCherryJam]

I was terrified to tell my friends and my mother!

But when I told my friends I was surprised how positive they were about it. They weren't judging or anything, they were just happy for me My mum was very worried when I told her but now that everything is going great, she's happy about it, too.

Your friends and family want the best for you and I believe that eventually they will notice that this is good for you. Good luck with everything!

[amandamayaaa]

don't be worried about it

i know it's sort of a scary subject that people may be very judgmental about

i was sort of afraid to tell my parents, and my friends, but as soon as i did they were all comforting, and wanted to hear all about it

of course they were a little skeptical, but the more i let them know about my SO, the more they knew how serious i was, and now they love my boyfriend!

you should truly on care about you and your SO, not every one is going to like the idea, and there's not much you can do about it

don't be worried

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't tell people unless they ask. I just say I have a boyfriend and if they ask then I say he lives in Florida, that we met online. I'm actually not allowed to tell my family, my mom's reaction when I told her made sure of it.

I'm one of the bad cases, my relationship was met with such hatred from the two people I told that it's why I don't advertise it. I wear my bracelet, but that's it. Even my current therapist is on the 'he's really a rapist' high-horse. You'd be cautious too if your own mom called it an abomination and swore disowning if you married them or had kids.

My story aside, you don't HAVE to tell people. It's not a requirement, but if you want to, do it. Just be prepared that not everyone's keen to the idea and work up nice retorts such as "well I respect your opinion, please respect my relationship."