Finding love again

[blankita719]

This isn't a new topic, just one that I thought would be good for those of us old enough to know better to share why - and maybe to show any of the younger members whose relationships have ended that there is hope for the future.

Long story (and if you really want to hear it, check out my intro story in that section of the forums), I met my SO when I was 18 years old. I fell in love with him immediately, and we started a relationship but it wasn't time for us just yet to be together. After we split up, I dated a lot, and met another guy that I got engaged to. That one failed for many reasons, but the two of us being young and stupid didn't help.

Then I met my son's father. 8 years with him, through hell and high water, and I thought my life was set. We were engaged, we had a little boy, and I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. Then it all came crumbling down. The man I thought I knew didn't exist any longer. He did more hurtful things than I'd ever thought were possible to do to someone you allegedly love. Ever see the move "Revolutionary Road"? We were a lot like that. Passionate in the beginning and hating each other by the end. Even when it was bad, I thought this was my lot in life. He was the one, good times and bad. Unfortunately, mostly bad. When we finally ended things I truly thought I was never, ever going to be happy again. That I was never going to love another person and give my heart to someone to trample on.

My SO and I kept in regular contact throughout the years, with one brief time period in which he was engaged to another woman. When he came to visit me for the first time (first time we had seen each other in 13 years), we realized that there was a reason we kept failing at all other relationships. He was the real "one". The bad baggage was kicked to the curb and I realized that love didn't have to hurt. Yes, being long distance hurts, but there is a comfort knowing that he and I love each other. At one time, trust was something I thought I would never be able to freely give again but he has mine. And I have his.

When you are younger, you have a mentality that this is all there is, and your world view can be small. (Please don't anyone take offense as I say this generally, I realize there are some younger members who have a great sense of maturity around here). You don't always think about the growing that you will do during your twenties, and even your thirties, or beyond. I was lucky to have someone in my life grow with me to the point where we could be together here and now and feel this love. It's not the end of the world if you end things with some one now. Love is possible at any stage in your life.

This may be a throwaway thread but I thought it would be good for some of us to impart some wisdom and share how you knew that this time, this love is different and far better than anything you had ever dreamed before

[ioanna]

Thank you for sharing Blankita it's always nice to read encouraging stories!

[Tanja]

When I was 13 and had my first "real" boyfriend I thought that this love would last forever. He was much older than me and my parents disliked him which made me stand up for us even more. I thought I was so lucky to have someone older who loved me and wanted to marry me - yes, I was engaged when I was 14! I would've done anything for him.

It lasted for 2.5 years during which I started to grow and realise that he was actually possessive over me and wanted to control me. He also took advantage of me financially so I ended up borrowing a ton of money from everyone so he could have it. When I look back at that relationship now I understand it was never love. Yes I cared for him but in a naive way, I idolised him and it wasn't healthy. I now see why my parents were so against us and wanted him out of my life. I feel so ashamed and stupid thinking what a hold he had over me. I was young, way too young to even understand what true love was.

Then I met my daughter's dad who I did love. For 8 years. But in the end it was obvious we weren't together for the right reasons, it was just cause of our child that we were playing happy family when in fact we were nothing but good friends. And we still are.

My current SO has loved me in a way no-one ever has. It's truly been a companionship what we've had. But again there are some dark clouds hovering above us that I hope will clear out eventually. But even if they don't I've learned what it's like to really be in love and trust and respect another person. I know what I want and need and that's a lesson only living a life can teach.

[browneyedgirl08]

I believe that things happen for a reason. My interest was someone I knew 20 years ago, we were interested in one another however, it was the wrong timing. He was going out with this girl who turned out to be his wife then. It was actually a shot gun wedding if you ask my opinion. To make a long story short, he had disappeared and came back into the picture (when we were in our twenties) and I started liking my ex husband and I told him about it. The last day we spoke on the phone we got into an argument because he stated he wanted to be with me and I told him how dare he say this after all this time. He got jealous that I was liking someone else but him and actually proposed to me. I told him he was crazy and said no.

A month later he dropped a note off at my door. I honestly don't remember what it said because I was so mad at him I threw it away. I think it was him telling me he was leaving Miami because he said he left around that time.

When I contacted him back in January, it was just to see how he was doing. I never expected my feelings to progress this much again and I know he feels the same way. When we first spoke on the phone we agreed that back then was the wrong timing.

Who knows this could be the right timing. He even said it the circles come within the circles and I believe that too.