Career Decisions

[blankita719]

I have a good career. I love what I do, although it gets insanely stressful all the time. I'm just sort of settling back into my routine at work after a visit with the SO, and honestly it's been even more hectic than usual. I'm already struggling with being back when my boss calls me into her office to announce she's assigning yet another long term client project to me. On one hand, I think it's awesome that she trusts me to do a good job with it, but on the other, I'm having a hard time with accepting additional responsibilities because I am seriously thinking about ways to close the distance. There is not a set plan, and there's still a lot I have to do to make that move, but as much as I would love for him to move here, I really think that I'll have to be the one to make the move. As it is, if I left, my job duties would be hard to transition to another employee without the addition of the new client project.

I told my boss I was grateful for the opportunity, but at the same time I'm wondering if I shouldn't have asked her if there was someone else she considered for it. Like I said, I have no real set plan but taking on something long term when I know I'll probably end up leaving seems like I am asking for a headache. She's a great boss, and of course she knows I'm in this LDR, so she knows this is something I struggle with, but I also know she thinks I won't leave and that I'll be able to convince him to move here. She's already said when he comes down in September she's going to be working on him

I know this isn't really asking for relationship advice but just thought I'd throw it out there and see if there was anyone else who might have been in a similar situation??

[Tanja]

I haven't been in your situation so my advice is ... Poor?

But I think you could maybe go to your boss and explain the situation? She sounds like a reasonable person and if you really are planning to move then you shouldn't committ yourself to a long term project because it will be hard to handle by the person who'll possibly take over your job. I think that's what I'd do anyway if I was in your shoes.

[lyonsgirl]

I am in a similar situation as you... Except right now my options are a) take the position and move to a new state in less than 3 weeks or b) quit my job and move to him and hope that I'm able to find something shortly after moving.

Option B just makes no sense. Especially since he's moving home to live with his parents-and they have no spare room that I could crash in. I would put myself into major debt moving there right now. So, right now, I'm going with option A. Once I move to my new state, I will look for jobs near him, and hopefully I'll be able to find something that I want to do in that city before the end of this year. It's definitely not the ideal situation, but I'm making the best of it. The project I am moving to is a 14 month project. Our situations are a bit different though, as I can't say "no" to this assignment. It's either move or quit. If you're stressed out-tell your boss that. If you're not sure you are ready for that much more responsibility, tell your boss. Maybe she'll have someone help you out with the client (which would help you in the long run, if you decide to pursue "other interests" elsewhere.).

The best thing I can do is suggest you talk to your boss. Maybe leave out details like "moving to be with your boyfriend" or something. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to tell my boss when I finally do find a job and move to be with my boyfriend... it may end up being simply that I found another job that will allow me to do the things I got my degree in. (My job description just changed to what I didn't study in college because I wasn't interested in it & didn't want to do it as a career.)

[Dauntedpoet]

Krista, I am in a similar situation, except my boss (who knew about my LDR before I was hired) treats me as if I will just quit and run off, even though both Ian and I have told her our intentions are for him to come here. I have to say, I find it insulting.

I would never leave my job in anything but a completely professional manner, with plenty of notice, and as much training and transition time as needed to keep the life of my consumer from being impacted. I am sure you would be the same way.

I wouldn't say or do anything. You ARE responsible and reasonable. You aren't going to leave her in the lurch. You don't know how things will turn out, and if for some reason Geoff does end up there, you won't have possibly injured your employers view of you. Why worry her if there might be no reason?

Life is unpredictable, no one knows what will happen. I can't promise my boss I won't get hit by a bus, or have some family emergency that will make a job secondary in priorities, I can only promise to be professional in all respects, and balance the responsibilities to my job and my personal life.

[kirbycat]

I've never been in this situation in regards to a relationship, but I have had to find a job while knowing I'd be leaving in a year to start grad school. In that situation, I didn't mention my plans to leave. As long as you go out in a professional, respectful manner - it's not ideal for the company, but I think for most positions it's fine.

I would agree with Dauntedpoet. You may want to turn down the project with hopes of moving soon, but there's always a chance your plans will be pushed back and you'd end up staying past the project's duration - which would just be awkward.

I don't know what kind of work you do, or if this is possible in your company, but could you maybe ask your boss to assign someone to work on the project with you, or have someone else shadow you, who can take over the reigns if/when you do leave? That way you wouldn't have the stress of hiring or training someone totally new when you're on your way out, and it'd be easier for both the company and your client.

[blankita719]

Thanks everyone

@kirbycat - I work as a legal assistant in a law firm, and I hate to sound braggy, but we've got a pretty unusual set up at my job where I actually have way more legal knowledge than most of our employees. My office has a tendency to hire people without much of a legal background and teach them a piece of the process so they know that, but not the whole picture. There are some of us with a bigger legal background but not too many, so my position is one that requires more skill and would take a lot longer to uptrain.

My boss and I are pretty friendly - in that same office visit, she asked about my trip because I hadn't been able to talk to her much since getting back and I was open with her again about how hard it is to come back when I go up there. I'm really torn because I love my job and my home, but I want to get a plan in place to close the distance as well. SO's pretty much flat out told me he's not ever going to move here so I know it's inevitable. I just don't really know when. I would never leave them in any way that wasn't gracious and fair. They've been amazing to me, and given me so many opportunities to expand what I can do. I think a big part of it is just feeling overwhelmed and missing him. It's hard to differentiate sometimes if things are truly that bad because they are, or if I feel that way because of post visit blues.

I think part of her plan is to keep me bought in to the company and invested in its success. I'm not someone who goes there for the paycheck (trust me on that one!), but because I really love the legal world. I think she's trying to make me feel like I'm needed so much I can't ever leave It's a little manipulative but not maliciously so. She's very vocal about not wanting to lose me as an employee. I'm just going to take it on as I do everything else right now. It'll keep me busy and preoccupied so I don't have time to think about missing him.

[triste]

My two cents:
It sounds like you are an extremely valuable employee. That means you do your best every day. It doesn't mean you will stay there till the day you die, it just means you give 100% every day you are there. It sounds like your boss knows this, it sounds like she truly understands your situation and still is giving you this project. Whether or not she thinks you'll go, she understands those risks and is still offering you the additional project. You know, that is all one can ask from their employees, I do not expect my employees to stay with me forever, I want them to be successful and have fulfilling lives that may or may not include our company. It is called life/work balance. Sounds like you have it, take the project, do your best, for as long as you'll be there. You will have to train someone on your job duties when you leave regardless, the best they could hope for is maybe more notice when you do choose to leave. It truly sounds like if she is as great a boss as she seems, she will understand when that time comes. You do not owe them more than what you already are giving. We do not have to promise our lives to work. Good luck.
To add...I would NOT say you are leaving.

[lucybelle]

I didn't read through all the replies, but I would NOT mention you plan on leaving. When (if) you do leave, I'm sure you'll give them a good amount of time to find someone new. When my SO first left his job to move in with me for 6 months, he gave his work a full month notice. And although we plan on marrying and moving back to the USA, he continues to tell his job he's there for good so that they help pay for his university classes. In fact we plan on telling his work our marriage is because I want to get residency in Costa Rica. My point is you need to look out for yourself. And if mentioning you plan on leaving will put your job in jeopardy, I wouldn't say anything.