Wedding dreams fading?

[HisCutie]

Since this is the 30+ group, I figured I'd throw this out here...anyone else feel the older into your 30s you get, the less you feel you should have that big wedding? I'm 33 and already gave up on the whole kids idea and it seems like as each day passes, I find myself getting closer to a city hall wedding (if even that happens). Anyone else feel this way?

[Moon]

Yep, totally. I doubt I'll ever go the marriage route again, but if I did, it would definitely be a small, casual affair. Or Vegas, I love Vegas

[triste]

Interesting...I was too young the first wedding to plan the perfect wedding, though we did have three weddings...
I fear my SO will never get the nerve to propose...of course I already have, but he thinks I am joking. So, yes, if we did indeed get married, I would want something small, but special, like a nice location wedding, just the closest family and friends. Ugh, if only he could propose

[blankita719]

Absolutely. I will also refuse to wear a big poofy princess type gown because I am 34 and I would look ridiculous.

Long, long ago with my ex, I planned a big wedding. I had my Alfred Angelo wedding dress, colors, books on vows, date picked, venue booked - the whole shebang. Then the date got postponed, and then again, and finally I gave up. When we split up I pretty much felt like I would just never get married and I was good with it.

Of course now, I want to get married to my SO. He's 43 and wants to go to a Justice of the Peace and be done with it. I'd still like a small ceremony. My dream wedding would be us with our 2 boys on the beach and no one else. I think it's less stressful to go small. I have too many other big things to worry about

[Softy]

When I was young, I wanted to get married at 20 and start having kids the years to follow.
As I grew up, i kept looking for 'the one'.... But kept ending up in bad relationships.

Now that I'm 30, I have no husband, no kids, no house and not even a car.
I feel like i failed, that all I ever wanted was only a dream and was foolish and that only 'certain ppl' get lucky enough to have it.

Some days, I feel like I don't care anymore that it just wasn't meant for me.
Some days, I still feel like I can also make it and that I'm not too old.

Part of me still hopes...

[Captivated]

I'm getting married (well I am married, but doing the big wedding in a month) and I feel a bit off by doing so since I'm 30. My parents wanted to have the big wedding as I am their only daughter. But I feel weird having them pay for it (I insisted on paying a large portion anyway) and wearing the white dress. However, since I got the chance to plan it out, have the bridal shower, do all the girly stuff I swore I'd never do, I don't regret it. It's an experience...maybe not for everyone...but it can be somewhat fun and exciting. Just can't wait to get it over with! lol

[Belinda]

Steve and I have discussed marriage in the future and it will be on a beach at sunset with just us and a justice of the peace. Beautiful and stress free.

[Dezface]

I think if I were to go the marriage route again it would be small and intimate. He and I both had big weddings before and it would just feel too awkward doing all that again. It kind of bums me out seeing as how I put all the effort and had all the "fun" for a marriage that didn't last, but it is what it is.

[Lunar Snow]

I hope you don't mind me posting here. I am in my late 20s, so not quite 30, yet. I have been feeling anxious that it might not ever happen for me or might not happen until years from now. I look on Facebook and it is like a white surge with all my friends getting married and/ or having babies at what seems like the same time! It was good to hear your many perspectives on it and that there is more than one way to be and that things happen at the right time--thank you. I am still holding out hope to wear the beautiful dress and have a nice ceremony with close family and friends, but I have never wanted some huge thing with hundreds of people there!

[lucybelle]

My mom just got remarried and had a huge reception with about 300 people there. The wedding itself was courthouse, but family loves an excuse to party. So she had a big ole thing

And my current plan for my wedding is a really small thing, probably courthouse. I think it has less to do with age and more to do with what you want to do!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I've been around the block twice. I'm not particularly worried if it never happens again.

[TwoThree]

I'm not quite 30 (well, 29 and a half, so close enough), but I completely understand that feeling. Where I come from, weddings are a huge, expensive affair. You have to invite pretty much everyone you and your family know or ever knew in your life (that includes people you hate and people you never met in your life) and if you omit someone, prepare for a shitstorm (people don't shy away from telling you off for not inviting them, here) to a big reception with all kinds of food and pastries. The wedding bands/singers/DJ's cost an arm and a leg, and the bride is supposed to wear several outfits (minimum of four, not counting the big white dress, but it could go until ten) and they all are super expensive (it's like a goddamned fashion show) and in the end, it's all so fake. Everyone is focused on material things, clothes, jewels, etc. People don't really care about celebrating the actual relationship between two people who love one another. I really don't want that. I used to, when I was younger, but I got over it. I still want something somewhat special, even if it's a courthouse wedding, but I want it to be really low key.

[Tanja]

It's gone a bit backwards with me: I never wanted to get married. Then I met my SO and started dreaming about my big white wedding. I looked up dresses and thought of where, when, who to invite and stuff. Since he's gone and I've gotten over the fact that wedding ain't gonna happen I've sort of gotten used to the idea of not getting married at all. Maybe some day but my whole life has turned upside down so I think it's best not to expect that I'll have all that, it just adds to my stress. I'm planning on enjoying my life as single now and if I ever meet Mr. Right then we'll see what happens. No big fancy wedding for me though anymore, something small and intimate.

[HisCutie]

I hope you don't mind me posting here. I am in my late 20s, so not quite 30, yet. I have been feeling anxious that it might not ever happen for me or might not happen until years from now. I look on Facebook and it is like a white surge with all my friends getting married and/ or having babies at what seems like the same time! It was good to hear your many perspectives on it and that there is more than one way to be and that things happen at the right time--thank you. I am still holding out hope to wear the beautiful dress and have a nice ceremony with close family and friends, but I have never wanted some huge thing with hundreds of people there!

That is why I deactivated my Facebook. Every damn time I looked at it, all I saw were pics of my friends and their families or who was engaged or pregnant, etc. And there I was sitting in front of my laptop in my PJs alone, just hoping that my LDR turns into something more tangible and traditional. Trust me, seeing your former students getting married and having kids makes it even that much worse. A big part of me feels like I've just failed and am going to end up as the old dog lady who everyone talks about and nobody knows is gone until her body starts rotting, haha. And my mom makes it worse by putting on all of those "Say Yes to the Dress" shows and their uber-expensive dresses (that I know I could never afford in the first place) and I just end up saying "what's wrong with me." Even the disfunctional people on Bridezillas makes me say that because at least those people have someone, ya know?

[spirit]

My SO at this moment is opposed to remarriage. I'm open to it, but having been there, done that, I won't be broken if it doesn't happen again. He did say that if he WAS to remarry he would want a big family wedding - awkward for me with no family. It's quite strange, but we each eloped in Las Vegas the same year, just three months apart. I'd love to go back there, but he's super against that. I will not be getting in any sort of wedding dress again if he did come around, I just feel too old and since it wouldn't be the first time, I'd feel silly.