Where to find strength?

[Softy]

Hello guys,

I hope you are all doin ok~
I don't post super often but I guess now I feel like I need to.
Most of the time I can answer and solve things on my own, but I guess sometimes it's not enough.

Been now 6months I'm away from my SO.
For now I don't have money to go see him.
He was suppose to move here end of the year and yesterday told me he would 'visit' by end of year but wouldn't 'move in' just yet.
He said he needs to have more money to pay back so debts before leaving and have enough for the visa as well as have enough to 'live' when he comes here.

Now yes I'm 30 years old.
I'd think I'd be solid and mature enough to be 'ok with it' and just wait some more.

But I cried all night.... I feel horrendous.
Like if I was hanging on sooooooo much at the idea that the wait would be over before end of year.
And now, knowing it will be later (not knowing when exactly maybe doin it...)

I feel completely alone and hurt...
I love him more than anything in the world, I don't want to ever give up on him.
But damn that hurts....

How you guys doin to cope with the wait?
Where do you find the strength to keep waiting with a smile on?

Idea?
Suggestions?

[hans]

Hi Softy. I'm new here on the forum, and saw your post. I'm in a LDR for about 1.5 years now. It's been good in general, but downs as well. One important thing I have discovered is to tell your SO what's worrying you, and that you try to solve any problems that comes up together. When we have been able to do that I feel we have taken one step further- closer in our relationship.
One important thing though for you to figure out. Are you sure his reasons for not coming to live with you are true and vaild? Or is it any other reason?
Good luck, hope you feel better soon

[Romeo s Juliet]

I m sorry, I understand how you are feeling. I think i can talk from the viewpoint of your SO here. I am waiting too get my VISA, and once I get it I can go see my SO, its been a long time since i applied, and they still havent sent it. it is a very draining situation. We were hoping to end the distance soon, but due to VISA procedures we still have not been able to. I can understand how you feel, Your SO wants to be with you but trust me, the procedure of moving completely to another place to live and have enough money to spend till things get ok is not easy. He wants to give you a better life that's why he want to lengthen the time you both are gonna stay apart. I can relate to how he feeels, because right now because of me my SO has to stay more time before we could finally close the distance. and i want to give up all this, and run to him, but i wont give up because I dont want to risk our future together just because of the temporary sadness and hurt i feel.

so please be strong. you are stronger than you ever think you will be. trust me, things will work out ok. you have come this far. dont give up, try to be there for him, because even though you may not know his heart must be weeping knowing that you are alone there crying and being hurt.
so please dont give up

[Softy]

Hans: Yes, I am sure he speaks the truth, we both went through a lot and are honest towards each other.

Romeo s Juliet: Thanks for those words, I know it's not easy for someone to leave all behind to change country... I'm trying to be patient, it's just that some days are harder than others. I am not givin up on him, never will. I love him wayyyyyyyyyyy too much for that.

I'm just feeling very lonely, like a lot of us hehehe~

[Honeypie]

It's very hard .... I haven't seen my SO in just over a year. I find the best thing to do is to keep busy .... find stuff to do that keeps you busy. You'll have your moments, I know I do ... When I'm in one of those moods I write it all down. It usually feels better to get it all out.

[Softy]

I've spent a good part of last night crying...
Ah..... the distance, so painful~!
Hopefully we'll be able to close it soon...
My lil stomach is upside down : (

[XxFranticLovexX]

It's hard. I try to keep busy, doing things that need to be done as well as small miscellaneous things to keep me occupied, but I still have times that I have too much free time and sit around thinking too much. That's when it starts to get to me again. The best advice that I can give is to look forward to the visit and when you actually can close the distance instead of looking at the situation in a negative way. At least he's still around (even if it is online) and you still get to talk to him, right? Take the little things and keep them close. Not everything goes as planned, but just because life has made you have to wait a little bit longer doesn't mean that he won't be there with you soon enough. Just be patient with the situation, enjoy the good parts, and take it one day at a time. ^_^;

I visited my so over the summer. The original plan was for him to come back with me when I came home. That didn't work out so now I'm back here and he's still there, both still alone. I try not to focus on that though, and am doing my best to get enough money together so that I can move there by this time next year. Yes, it's a little over a year later than what we had originally planned, but it will still be the outcome that we wanted in the end. <3

My motivation for holding on? It may sound silly, but it's him. He is like my best friend and any moment that I get to spend in contact with him makes it worthwhile. From the 5+ hours of talking a day that we did before I went there, to the month spent in person, to the less than 1 hour contact per week now. It's all worth it because I still get to hear his voice, I still get to talk to him, and I still know that he's okay. The distance is difficult, but knowing that he's there and all I have to do to be with him is pick up the phone.. well, it makes it a little easier. To me he's worth it so everything that I am currently doing is to bring closing the distance between us just a little bit closer to reality.

[Softy]

Thank you Frantic *^_^*

[Verojoon]

Softy: I'm also in Canada and my SO is in Texas!! We've had so many ups and downs, and you're right the not knowing and the broken expectations are really the worst!! My SO and I actually broke up over the summer, there were a lot of things leading to it, and I don't regret it because it both gave us the chances of knowing what we really wanted to fight for, but the straw that broke the camel's back was when we planned for him to come visit me and just as we were about to book his flight, I found out his passport was expired. It killed me! I had finally something to look forward to and it was like the rug was pulled from under my feet!! I understand completely how hard it is!! It doesn't matter how strong you are, it's such a difficult thing to deal with!!