Reluctant men?

[HisCutie]

I am not trying to sound sexist in anyway buy asking this, but wanted to see if you find that the older men get, the more reluctant they are in terms of relationships/romance? My SO is my best friend and we've been together for two years now, but have never met. Not going to give the long story, unless you really want it (haha), but he has legit baggage and isn't ready for the next step yet. My patience goes through it's ups and down, as you can imagine, but I really believe that he will work through what he has to and then go to the next level. I can't talk about this with anybody because they just don't get it or how I can go that long (and of course they think he's bs-ing me). But as I get older (closer to 34 now than having turned 33), I guess my mind is just getting the better of me sometimes. I'm 99.9999% past the notion of having kids and just about the same percentage committed to the belief that there is a big blow out wedding in my future (or even one at all). But I go back to my original thought process...is it me, or is it just men these days?

[Moon]

I don't really think it's "men these days", but think about it...the older we get, the more baggage we ALL have I tell my guy someone who manages to get to this age (41 & 42) without baggage hasn't lived. That being said, according to your postbit, you're only 211 miles apart, and not meeting in two years with a totally drivable distance is more than just a little baggage, honestly I'd find it completely unacceptable.

I don't thing that's a "Men" thing, but a man thing, your man. Really, that isn't normal. I don't mean to sound so negative, but I couldn't do that, I thought waiting 7 months to meet my guy 4200 miles away was too much, life's too short to wait around that long. But, that's just me.

[Dezface]

I honestly think it's a him thing and not men in general. In my case, my SO was the one who made all the big changes to be with me first. Then waited patiently for me for 9 months to get my shit together and make the changes I needed to too. I cried to him the other day telling him how thankful I was he waited. He certainly didn't have to and I don't know that I could have but he had that faith in me and us and I'm so grateful.

So yeah, sounds as if I was quite like your SO. Maybe it's a men plus me thing. Lol

[Kiyama]

you're only 211 miles apart, and not meeting in two years with a totally drivable distance is more than just a little baggage, honestly I'd find it completely unacceptable.

I don't thing that's a "Men" thing, but a man thing, your man. Really, that isn't normal. I don't mean to sound so negative, but I couldn't do that, I thought waiting 7 months to meet my guy 4200 miles away was too much, life's too short to wait around that long. But, that's just me.

I totally agree. In the past I sometimes felt stuck in situations I wanted to get out of but if was so hard to make a decision, weighing the pros and cons. My mum once told me that the older she got, the more she knew what she could accept and what not and that decision making got much easier because she got less and less tolerant with stuff she didn't want in her life.
What I'm trying to say is that 200 miles is NOTHING and can be done even for a weekend trip. If he can't get his act together, stop wasting your time. For your own sake. Life is too short.

[Dezface]

I'm going to guess the baggage is a marriage and/or kids?

[Romeo s Juliet]

I think you are trying to accommodate to his needs and wants. Clearly you want him to propose to you soon and get married and have kids before you think its too late. Not just some men, i think women too are reluctant to move on to the next stage sometimes, depends on the person. But i agree, most men are reluctant, but in your case i think its really unacceptable that he keeps you dragging on like this. And 2 years without meeting? that is ok for a friendship, but not for a relationship. Considering what you want in life and you wanting it soon, i suggest you talk straight and ask him where the relationship is going. I know it may sound harsh, but maybe his baggage is not letting him move on, and it might be harder for him to commit to marrying you and starting a family anytime soon. And from your post i felt, you are not comfortable without a commitment to marriage. I think you should talk it over with him. and then figure out if you want t work things out with him or not.

[hans]

Hi, since I think i'm withing the "target group" in your question I couldn't but give some input
I have been through a divorce about 3 years ago, and one would assume that that is some kind of "baggage" preventing to "stick your neck out once more". But I must say I think it has to do with your mind rather, I mean I truly believe in happy marriages despite my experiences, and despite many examples noted on not so perfect marriages.
And about age: Same here. There is a saying that you aren't older than you feel. What I try to say is that I think your or baggade age doesn't matter, it's more about your attitude to life.
I'm involved with a woman in a LDR and I'm so much looking forward to develop our relationship even further...

Another reflection, sorry to bring it up, but doing it just make sure yo'll be ok: How much do you really know about him? What's the facts, not just what he has told you. Like, is he really single not involved with anyone else, do you know his profession, his true address etc... basic things really, but if something's not right you might not know that much facts about him.

Good luck.

[Snowlilly]

Yeah with only 211 miles apart?? I would be thinking he might be married. I can't imagine having not at least met for casual coffee or something by this point.

[alesitag]

In my case, it was my SO the one who brought up the marriage/babies talk. He's 37 and i'm 30... Of course we both have baggage (he's got a lot more than me though) and just like Moon, he told me he expected we both had some given our ages.

Even though it was actually his baggage what led us to a breakup a few months ago, we're fighting for our love and we're determined to meet for the first time and see where it goes after that.

If we are working hard to meet having a country between us, i dont see why delaying your first time together when you're within a driving distance.

He's your best friend, so dont be afraid to talk about your doubts, fears and expectations... Just try to choose your words wisely so you dont sound too pushy or accusatory.

Hugs