How to deal with the "what if's"

[us2gether]

Hi All!!

I have 37 more days to go to see my fiance, and I have never been in a LDR before so this is all new to me.... Our story is a little diff cause when we started talking again he was on probation, and flew to see me in Fl a few times and my ex called his PO and told her he left the state... So now our life is on the line... I know he cant come here anymore for some time so I plan on going there around Halloween... hes court date is Oct 3, so we are just hoping for the best... How do you all deal with the what ifs as far as.... what if they find someone else.... what if they drift from me... what if they cheat... Him and I have agreed upon not going out without each other, but sometimes that makes the wait and sadness harder cause I sit in the house all day and night (i work from home) I just need some advice as to how to make all of this easier... Its SOOOOO hard.. I just want to run to him!!

[Moon]

In any new relationship you have what-if's, whether it's LD or CD. When you enter into any relationship, there's always a risk, you're always making yourself vulnerable to getting hurt, but we take the risk because finding the right person is worth it. Don't look at this as an LDR thing, but treat it similarly to any relationship you've had, it's not that different once you settle into it.

The whole not going out thing is a REALLY BAD idea in an LDR!! Because we're far from the ones we love, maintaining a relatively normal social life is crucial to being happy. Don't let yourself sit around and play the waiting game (him either), all it does is cause heartache. Seriously, you may want to rethink that tactic. Good luck.

[Softy]

Moon said it all : )
Just keep busy, see friends and u'll be fine : )
The 'what if' is normal and it will fade eventually.

[H.Mikenzi]

I agree completely with what Moon said, once you get into the groove of things, it is pretty much like any other relationship except you can't see each other in person everyday. Just remember that if you're scared or anxious or something that you need to communicate that with him and don't keep it bottled up because you'll only end up making yourself miserable in that case. I also agree with what Moon said in regard to rethinking the 'don't go out' theory of things, it can be really difficult to keep your mind off of the distance and the time you're waiting if you're simply sitting there stewing over it. You don't have to go out to the clubs or date other people, but there's really no harm at all with going out with friends to movies or having dinner with family members if it comes up.

[SoFarAway]

Yeah, I agree with the others as well. It also is a matter of trust. Communicate as often as you need and you will develop a feeling for his mood and attitude. The most important thing has been said already: Don't drive yourself crazy! Go out and distract yourself. You have your own life, and it will help you to pass the time until you guys communicate again. And going out and doing stuff always gives you new topics to talk about next time you phone him as well.

[SonyaKitty]

Well for the 'what if they cheat on me' you just have to trust them. No other option. The others I believe you just have to accept, you never know what will happen. Just remember no matter what they love you.

[NikkiDeAnn75]

Everyone has the "what if" feelings; even the CD relationships. It is hard to be away from the one you love and I do worry at times that his interest will fade. You just have to believe that if this is right for the both of you, you will find a way to make it work. Find a new hobby to take your mind off of things for a while. My SO and I have movie dates. We'll watch the same movie at the same time. It's not quite the same thing as having him with me, but it is something we can do to make us feel a little closer. We also read books together over the phone. Find the things you can do together, but find other things to do as well. Even in CD relationships you might have dinner with friends or famiily without your SO.

[digitalfever]

My best advice would be to ignore the nagging “what if’s” stressing over something that may never happen isn’t a very productive use of your time! Deal with what is in front of you, take that head on and if a “what if” pops up then treat it like any other obstacle but don’t waste your life and relationship focusing on things that exist only in the realm of possibilities.

[iHeartt]

I completely agree with what Moon said. Please GO OUT and have fun. You can't sit in the house and just wait. You still have a life to live!

As far as the "what ifs"... what if you go to use the restroom and fall in?! You can't dwell on the "what ifs". Thinking about all the "what ifs" that you mentioned will literally drive you crazy! In a LDR, it takes trust and lots of communication (plus lots of other things!). If you two really love each other and really want it to work, then it will. But like any other relationship (CD or LDR), it takes work. Good luck to you!