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Why does this relationship make me so sad?

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    Why does this relationship make me so sad?

    I’m new to this LDR thing. Met him 5 months ago and feel like every weekend when my week dies down I become completely irrational. I try and stay busy but when I go out with friends I see them as couples or the couple holding hands and I just miss him. He tells me what he is doing and I just almost start crying. I don’t know if we will ever have that, normal things. We have never sat on a couch together and I get so incredibly sad.
    How do you get though this? Is it normal to lose your mind so often? He talks about living together and this and that but we have no date. I don’t even want to hear about this or that if I have no time frame and I feel so frustrated. We only met 5 months ago and have seen each other once since then, he is planning coming for a visit in December. We talk, text, skype all the time. So I don’t want to push the relationship but I don’t want to feel like I have lost my mind. Just at an awkward crossroad. He is the most amazing person that makes me so happy but at the same time so sad.
    Thinking this must be something others in LDR’s go through. What can I do? What helps break the cycle of these funks?

    #2
    I only get to see my guy about three times a years, we've been together about 3.5 years. For me, having him in my life is worth the sacrifice and occasional sadness and loneliness that comes with it. I don't worry about when the distance is ending and pin my hopes on that, it's much more complicated when you get older (and international), since you just can't pick up and go due to responsibilities at home, so instead of wishing on a murky future, I take my relationship mostly day-by-day. I know we'll live together one day, and for now, that's gotta be good enough.

    That being said, not everybody is cut out to be in an LDR. Your relationship shouldn't be bringing you more sadness than joy, we all get sad about it, that's just part of what LDR's do, but we get used to it and learn to cope. It's important to live your life, and do all the things you need to do for yourself. An end date is actually a pretty big part of this, but at only 5 months, it might be a little too early for that yet. Be patient and be strong, but also be truthful to yourself if you can really deal with an LDR. Good luck.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      I agree about the end date, but you're probably too early into it for that to be on the radar. For us, having visits planned helps a lot. But you already have that so you need something else.

      It IS hard. I have my days I can barely get out of bed, i miss him so much. But those are outweighed by the days I jump up, knowing I'll chat with him soon. You just cope. However you can. It has to be enough or a LDR won't work. Best of luck.



      Met online: 1/30/11
      Met in person: 5/30/12
      Second visit: 9/12/12
      Closed the distance: 1/26/13!!!

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        #4
        How do you get though this?
        Like you are doin, keep busy. I even go out with friends if i don't feel like it. Worst thing to do is to stay home alone doing nothing. So, go out, find new hobbies, do stuff that keeps you busy and happy!
        Getting a 'closure' date helps like others said, if you guys aren't sure yet, set yourselves some small goals~!


        Is it normal to lose your mind so often?
        Oh yes. It happens to all of us, trust me! I end up crying just when i see a corny tv show or I get all sad and mushy if i see a couple walkin outside holding hands. I feel like i can break down so easily. It's normal when you miss the one you love so much.
        So yes, you are normal : )

        /hugs

        Keep strong!
        ♡ ~~~~ 'When you find something worth fighting for, you never give up' ~~~~ ♡

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          #5
          I'm fortunate and get to see my man about every 2 weeks. (except for this month, due to work, we're going on 3 weeks not seeing each other!) And even though I get to see him often, I still get sad between times because I miss him so much and just want to be there physically with him. I've been sick the past week (better now!) and he's been having a couple bad days, these little things make the missing him even worse because we can't be there for each other for a hug. Phone and FaceTime helps. But nothing is better than just a good old fashioned in person hug!!
          Being in a LDR isn't easy, but hang in there, you'll learn how to deal with yourself when you get sad. I just keep myself as busy as I can.

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            #6
            I feel you. Lately I am struggling with a feeling that I am wasting my life. *I am 32 and all my friend are in relationships and having kids, and he is not moving over here for at least one year. While other are living their life I am spending my evenings waiting for him to come from work. And I feel more and more disconnected. And I don't know what to do.*

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              #7
              Oh Polona, our story is very similar. Mine even worse, as my mum disagree with my relationship and my friends even doesn't gave positive feedback. Just stay strong Polona, things gonna be just fine

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                #8
                I understand your predicament. This is so hard at times. I hate being away from him. We talk on the phone every evening until we go to bed and that helps. But, he has a life he needs to live and I have mine. We have discussed the future, but we're trying to take things slow. You're not the only one that feels the way you do. I just know he is worth the wait, so I will take the ups with the downs. Hang in there. Like someone else said, find the thing you can do to take your mind off of the separation. Everyone has something different he or she does to cope. When you're feeling down, go over the reasons you want to be with him and why he is worth the wait.

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