30+ all the men here, tell me what you think

[seven]

my man and i have been together for a year. i think we can both honestly say that we are compatible and we have worked to see each other once a month and talk everyday despite busy work schedules. being that we are both over 30, i'm ready to settle down within the next year or two. we have both dated other people and i thought we both knew what we wanted and what works. in the past two weeks, something started to surface that he was concerned about the distance, concerned about me quitting my job, and also thinking about how i would cope with moving back to his home country someday. what's the deal here? for me, love conquers all. simple solution, we decide to be together and i do all of those things happily and with no regrets. so he tells me that he's been thinking about things a lot. when he thinks, he stops talking to me. like instead of everyday talking, i'm doing the calling and we are talking every other day or so. here are a couple of questions i have for the men in this forum:

1. when a guy is thinking things through, should i just leave him alone and not call for a little while?
2. should i wait this thing out or should i bolt for the nearest exit? in all fairness, he's a great guy. we don't fight, we don't have drama, we have great jobs, we have great futures with or without each other. when we talk about things, we listen to each other.

[Moon]

I know you said you wanted men to answer, but, well, it's a public forum, so I'm going to answer anyway.

Love conquers all is a naive myth, at over 30, you should know better, quite frankly. His thoughts are reasonable and rational, and especially when an international move is involved, it's not that simple. In my situation, we're both over 40, we're both mid-career, we both have our own obligations and responsibilities that could cause us to remain LD for a very long time. He lives in Finland, where I don't speak the language (it's not a language that a native English speaker can learn in a couple of years), where jobs are scarce and competition is fierce, and most Finns have advanced degrees. I have an adult daughter I do not want to move 4500 miles from, and my parents are getting up in age. I have a job where I do OK, three dogs, bills, strong ties to home, in other words. He's the only child of an elderly mother, he has a good job, owns his place, has lifelong friends, and his own strong ties. We've been together 3.5 years, and have YEARS of LD left. That's the reality of it, all the love in the world doesn't change a thing.

Questioning the reality of your situation means your guy is being rational, he's doing what he should be doing. Love will not find you a job, love cannot guarantee you'll be happy living in another country, love is important, but a relationship needs much more than just love to be successful. Look, I'm not trying to put you down, or anything, but I think you need to think more realistically, life ain't no RomCom or Cosmo article, it's much uglier than that. He's just making sure the situation can work, which it can, but he has real questions that need thought. Good luck.

[iHeartt]

I'm also a woman, hope you don't mind my $0.02! Moon said it best, Love is very important, but there is so much more in a relationship then just love. Your guy is being VERY rationale. My man is also concerned with me and my move. I'm moving up to be CD with him in now just 4 weeks. He has voiced his concerns to me. He is concerned about my entire situation, my relocating, my job, etc. This type of situation takes tons of communication. He should be able to express his fears to you about you moving and you should be able to express your fears to him about your move. I tell him frequently that as much as I am excited to finally be CD with him, I'm also completely terrified. But I know that he will be there with me!!

In my opinion, I don't think this is a call for an "exit" in your relationship, I think he's being reasonable and realistic. Good luck to you!