30+ need help/advice

[Novita]

Now here is my issue, we met about 4 years ago online, we were both dating at that point, in LDR actually.

Now about a month ago we reconnected and we both confided in having more than friends feelings for each other. that was a couple weeks ago now. we were talking on skype, playing wow together, texting, sending pictures back and forth and just being the big geeks we are. lol

Now a few days ago things went odd, its almost like he is getting cold feet. he is going to school right now, and that is keeping him pretty busy, which i understand. He says he wants to take things slow as to not get hurt again. I agree with that, but is there a point of going so slow that im sitting around always waiting for some contact from him.

I actually turned down a weekend of no strings attached fun with an ex because of this new guy.

OMG im soo confused. And the lame thing is i should know what to do by now, hell im 36 and freaking out like a teenage girl over this.

[dragonlady]

did you confront him with it allready?
for me its just a first time at an ldr but every insecure feeling we have we talk about it.. just because you only see each other with skype and so..

[Novita]

Yeah i did, i told him im ok with him being busy with school. Told him that a heads up would be nice at times though. im trying so hard to keep my insecurties out of this but its hard. i had a bf a few years ago that would just ignore me for days when i did something wrong, and we lived together. I never did tell him that i turned down not one but 3 guys now because of him though.

[dragonlady]

tell him that you too don't want to get hurt but that he is hurting you and making you insucure with his actions.
maybe agree on a time where you speak each other? so that you have something to hold on to?

[ThePiedPiper]

I'm not 30+, so forgive me if this isn't the advice that you were looking for, but I agree with dragonlady. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling, and I think you deserve to be told what "taking it slow" means too. Does that mean Skype a few times a week versus every day or does it simply mean maintaining the relationship while he's in school and not immediately coming up with a close the distance plan? I think you both need to discuss how much contact you both want and how much contact you'd both be comfortable with (for him the maximum and you the minimum) and then come to a compromise based on that. If need be, you could disclose the fact that you've been through a hurtful situation being ignored and perhaps this could help aid his understanding as for why you need the boundaries, in this respect, laid out more clearly. But I would have an honest conversation with it, and if he's the sort to want to Skype more spontaneously, or talk more spontaneously, then I'd consider, like dragonlady said, having a date night where you two have a set time to talk to one another.

I can also encourage not sitting around waiting to talk with him. It's important to still spend time with friends, take time for you, and do things that you enjoy and in general have your own life.

[dragonlady]

well put!

[iHeartt]

Now here is my issue, we met about 4 years ago online, we were both dating at that point, in LDR actually.

Now about a month ago we reconnected and we both confided in having more than friends feelings for each other. that was a couple weeks ago now. we were talking on skype, playing wow together, texting, sending pictures back and forth and just being the big geeks we are. lol

Now a few days ago things went odd, its almost like he is getting cold feet. he is going to school right now, and that is keeping him pretty busy, which i understand. He says he wants to take things slow as to not get hurt again. I agree with that, but is there a point of going so slow that im sitting around always waiting for some contact from him.

I actually turned down a weekend of no strings attached fun with an ex because of this new guy.

OMG im soo confused. And the lame thing is i should know what to do by now, hell im 36 and freaking out like a teenage girl over this.

Aww playing wow. <3 I've met many many close friends through that completely crazy game!!! Feel free to message me about it (and relationship in it) at any time!!
Like the others have said (and I think ThePiedPiper said it best!), talk to him about it. He might just be really busy. Please don't just sit around waiting for him. Please please go out and have fun. Live your life. I promise you don't want to be here in a year or two looking back and seeing yourself just waiting for him. Don't turn down any fun trips!! Don't turn down any fun nights! Don't turn anything fun down!! (All within the boundaries of an attached woman of course!!) There is nothing wrong with living your life to the fullest while "waiting" on him.

[Novita]

thanks for all the advice and sorry for not replying sooner.

So i sucked it up and talked to him about it all. long story short he is really stressed about school and is worried about failing a class this semester which might get his financial aid denied for awhile i wasnt aware of that until just a few days ago. so anyway, we talked and worked things out. He has some trust issues thanks to his ex wife, and what not. we both know that we are not perfect and it is a work in progress.

at this point we are talking about meeting next fall when im done work, i have a seasonal job, and ill be gone for 7 months. we text and chat when we can and sneak in some wow time on week ends. if its meant to be it will work out, if not then we will still be friends.