Hey all,
I came home to Canada to visit my family recently and my ex, who I am connected to on FB, wanted to meet for coffee. Some background - I am almost 41, he is 43 and we dated in high school when we were 15 and 17 respectively. Intense but short lived and we were each others' first loves. At the time my life was in utter turmoil from living with a bipolar, alcoholic Father and the reason he broke up with me was that he wasn't mature enough to handle the effects my Father had on me at the time (his words). More info - he lives 2000 miles away, there are 5 kids between us and we are both separated.
Fast forward to over a month ago now - we meet and instantly connected. The sex is incredible, the emotional connection is amazing and I can safely say that I now understand what real love is. We give each other things we haven't gotten from others and make each other very happy.
The problem? His ex - they are still living in the same house. Not necessarily a huge problem normally but even though their relationship has been over for years and haven't been intimate in 18 months, they live in a cramped house with no room and he will often sleep in the same bed with her. I know what you are all thinking - they are intimate - but they both deny it and have both said (I have spoken and met with her) that they live together but that's it.
Might I add that his best friend thinks she has destroyed his self confidence and live in general - and it is true, the relationship is toxic and he knows he needs to move on. Please don't tell me I have to give him an ultimatum to move out - tried that - he is worried about the kids. (Although he has talked about staying with a friend nearby or a place close by so he can be there for the kids).
The part I need some advice on is how to deal with the ex - she claims that they are friends and while they love each other they are not in love and want each other to be happy - BUT, now that a mentally and physically healthier, more attractive and financially stable woman shows up and starts a relationship with D, she is now apparently still in love with him and wants to work on their relationship.
How did I learn of this? A mutual friend of D's and I was messaged by the ex and she asked "Do you think he would work on our marriage again if I asked him?" and the friend says she is just manipulating everyone.
Our relationship is very real - very honest - and he keeps telling me to have confidence in myself that this can be worked out. I want to move back home to be closer to family and him, but need at least 6-12 months to make arrangements for that - I have a young son and am separated as well. My ex is very supportive, knows the situation with D and we are good friends so no problems there but logistics. We are filing for a divorce in a week.
What do you guys think I should do? I leave in less than a week and know that I have to let him go and make his own decisions, however I also think that there must be something I can do to handle this ex. She and I are now connected on FB and she keeps posting these public messages about love and forgiveness etc etc etc. She is pathetic - she ruined him, treats him like wither a sperm donor, a paycheck or a babysitter; she doesn't respect him and he is completely unhappy. (This is all from me as well as the observations of his lifelong best friend). The friend - O - and I both agree that he needs to get out and start fresh and as long as he has time with the children and have the financial ability to leave (we are working on that) then it would be the best for him. But she is so manipulative and I want to make sure I am doing all I can to help this go in the right direction and help him keep perspective. He has shared that now that he and I are together, his perspective has shifted dramatically for the better.
I sure love this man and it is worth fighting for!!!
I came home to Canada to visit my family recently and my ex, who I am connected to on FB, wanted to meet for coffee. Some background - I am almost 41, he is 43 and we dated in high school when we were 15 and 17 respectively. Intense but short lived and we were each others' first loves. At the time my life was in utter turmoil from living with a bipolar, alcoholic Father and the reason he broke up with me was that he wasn't mature enough to handle the effects my Father had on me at the time (his words). More info - he lives 2000 miles away, there are 5 kids between us and we are both separated.
Fast forward to over a month ago now - we meet and instantly connected. The sex is incredible, the emotional connection is amazing and I can safely say that I now understand what real love is. We give each other things we haven't gotten from others and make each other very happy.
The problem? His ex - they are still living in the same house. Not necessarily a huge problem normally but even though their relationship has been over for years and haven't been intimate in 18 months, they live in a cramped house with no room and he will often sleep in the same bed with her. I know what you are all thinking - they are intimate - but they both deny it and have both said (I have spoken and met with her) that they live together but that's it.
Might I add that his best friend thinks she has destroyed his self confidence and live in general - and it is true, the relationship is toxic and he knows he needs to move on. Please don't tell me I have to give him an ultimatum to move out - tried that - he is worried about the kids. (Although he has talked about staying with a friend nearby or a place close by so he can be there for the kids).
The part I need some advice on is how to deal with the ex - she claims that they are friends and while they love each other they are not in love and want each other to be happy - BUT, now that a mentally and physically healthier, more attractive and financially stable woman shows up and starts a relationship with D, she is now apparently still in love with him and wants to work on their relationship.
How did I learn of this? A mutual friend of D's and I was messaged by the ex and she asked "Do you think he would work on our marriage again if I asked him?" and the friend says she is just manipulating everyone.
Our relationship is very real - very honest - and he keeps telling me to have confidence in myself that this can be worked out. I want to move back home to be closer to family and him, but need at least 6-12 months to make arrangements for that - I have a young son and am separated as well. My ex is very supportive, knows the situation with D and we are good friends so no problems there but logistics. We are filing for a divorce in a week.
What do you guys think I should do? I leave in less than a week and know that I have to let him go and make his own decisions, however I also think that there must be something I can do to handle this ex. She and I are now connected on FB and she keeps posting these public messages about love and forgiveness etc etc etc. She is pathetic - she ruined him, treats him like wither a sperm donor, a paycheck or a babysitter; she doesn't respect him and he is completely unhappy. (This is all from me as well as the observations of his lifelong best friend). The friend - O - and I both agree that he needs to get out and start fresh and as long as he has time with the children and have the financial ability to leave (we are working on that) then it would be the best for him. But she is so manipulative and I want to make sure I am doing all I can to help this go in the right direction and help him keep perspective. He has shared that now that he and I are together, his perspective has shifted dramatically for the better.
I sure love this man and it is worth fighting for!!!
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