30+ i feel stuck

[blackframez]

For a couple weeks now I've been thinking (too much) and I've ended up feeling pretty depressed about things have turned out. Been in this LDR (my first) for over a year now. I am in the south and he is in an affluent area in new england.

The previous plan was, we would wait for him to finish paying off student loans and debt, basically be ready to get a place of his own, and then id go up there and move in with him. For the better part of the year in question I had a moderate paying full time job here that tbh due to crazy bosses figured id be fired from pretty much every day. So quitting was no big loss to me.

Now things have changed and certain terrible bosses have quit and I've been promoted to their spot making pretty much more than I ever have in my whole life, at 31. And I think about moving and trying to find a new job in this economy and it seems so bleak. I work for a small business and have no college degree so a lateral move would be extremely rare/difficult.

When I first met my SO I asked him if there was anything in particular tying him to his own immediate area and he said no. This also has changed due to special projects he's taken on and the possibility of a promotion in the next couple years. (In the education sector btw, so a promotion would be going from "able to feed myself" to "able to pay my own rent AND eat!". But its what he likes and I'm the first one to agree that if you're doing something you like you should stick with it.

I've wanted to bring this up to him a couple nights now and he's either busy or once he stops being busy its "oh sorry sweetie I gotta sleep." So I guess I'm just posting to semi get this off my mind a little since I don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

[blankita719]

It is so much harder to move your career around when you are in your 30's. This is one of my biggest fears about my SO and I closing our distance. It's a conversation that you have to have though. Multiple times. We've been having ours for getting close to three years now. I know it's rough, and we're both at pretty solid places in our careers as well. Just keep trying to talk about it. At some point, one of you will have to make a choice as to what matters the most. But the only way to get to decision time is to keep talking about it. Good luck!

[JoeyBug]

I just wanted to add my Good Luck to this thread.

When we make it to SD, Scott will be moving here. He has a career path (and I kinda do) but it's more for the health reasons that I'm staying here rather than me going there.

I do agree that the only way to get a decision made is to keep talking about it.

[Hollandia]

For a couple weeks now I've been thinking (too much) and I've ended up feeling pretty depressed about things have turned out. Been in this LDR (my first) for over a year now. I am in the south and he is in an affluent area in new england.

The previous plan was, we would wait for him to finish paying off student loans and debt, basically be ready to get a place of his own, and then id go up there and move in with him. For the better part of the year in question I had a moderate paying full time job here that tbh due to crazy bosses figured id be fired from pretty much every day. So quitting was no big loss to me.

Now things have changed and certain terrible bosses have quit and I've been promoted to their spot making pretty much more than I ever have in my whole life, at 31. And I think about moving and trying to find a new job in this economy and it seems so bleak. I work for a small business and have no college degree so a lateral move would be extremely rare/difficult.

When I first met my SO I asked him if there was anything in particular tying him to his own immediate area and he said no. This also has changed due to special projects he's taken on and the possibility of a promotion in the next couple years. (In the education sector btw, so a promotion would be going from "able to feed myself" to "able to pay my own rent AND eat!". But its what he likes and I'm the first one to agree that if you're doing something you like you should stick with it.

I've wanted to bring this up to him a couple nights now and he's either busy or once he stops being busy its "oh sorry sweetie I gotta sleep." So I guess I'm just posting to semi get this off my mind a little since I don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

I know sacrifices have to be made to stay together, that is why I am planning to leave country, family and friends to be with my SO. One of you will most likely have to make the sacrifice of a good job and take the chance to move to be with their SO. If this is your priority, it is a no brainer. I would do it tomorrow if not for passport laws. If not, you might be in for a very long haul before you can close the distance. I wish you the best either way.

[blackframez]

Thanks to everyone for your honest and kind replies. it means a lot! I would love to discuss this every day but you know how some men are, if they can't immediately solve the "problem" they don't want to talk about it. That being said, I did bring it up and the resolution was more or less "we will see what happens." Heh. Sometimes I just feel like my whole life I have been the one making sacrifices for other people and it has always just turned out badly for me... I have oceans of faith in my current relationship though, so I just have to stay hopeful. Thanks again guys

[Jmoc1024]

I completely understand where you are coming from with the situation of the sacrifices. I feel the same way in my LDR. My SO is also in the education profession and it is hard for him to just pick up and go. He believes it is easier for me to just get up and go because the profession that I can do and make quick money in is selling cars and their are dealerships everywhere. But we all know how the economy is and even that is no guarantee. Yet like you I feel like I am always the one making the sacrifice. We both have responsibilities, kids and so forth. My suggestion is keep talking it out with him. Try to come to common ground on the topic, pick a day where you know he is off and video chat this conversation maybe that will make it a little easier to talk. Keep faith that everything will work itself out. I know it seems hard but communication is the key to any LDR and it is the bond that glues SO together so keep those lines open and available to your SO. Keep a clear and positive out look on things